Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2019-06-26
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  EN LA VIDA

Writing Gay
by Emmanuel Garcia
2003-10-01

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


The first time I wrote the word gay was my senior year in high school for a class assignment in psychology class. This moment was the catalyst for my coming out. Up until that point I couldn't even imagine putting the letters G-A-Y together as one word. It was the one word I erased from my vocabulary. I couldn't even use the word to describe someone else for fear of having people connect it to me personally.

The assignment was entitled 'My Me Project.' We were instructed to develop 10 to 15 pages of things that showed how we perceived ourselves: collages, essays, and letters to future children were all supposed to ignite a mirror of self. At first the project seemed corny and tedious, yet it completely changed the way I perceived myself and has remained with me as an adult.

I started the project with a collage of all my favorite things: fashion by D & G, music by Mariah Carey, and lots of pictures of male models. I wrote a short story about the first time I met my idol Mariah Carey and my trip to Canada the previous summer.

But all these things seemed so disconnected from who I really was. The core of my being. The person I wanted to be.

It was all very materialistic and disconnected from reality—all superficial things. To make it more personal, I decided to write a story about my best friend Johanna, the person who I trusted with all my deepest thoughts. The only person who knew I was gay. However, I couldn't write about how important Johanna was in my life without including that she was the only person I was out to—the only person who gave me a sense of acceptance.

I decided that telling the story any other way would be a lie and that I should write down the story in its entirety.

The beginning was fairly easy —basic story line plots. However, my hand, pen, and paper hit a writer's block when I got to the part where I had to write the word gay. I wrote down, 'and then I said, I'm ____,' and I couldn't continue.

What was I thinking? Writing down 'the word' would out me to all those who came across it.

My teacher, for one, would be the first to read it and would automatically give me a failing grade! She would call me out in front of my peers and humiliate me by reading it out loud.

What if I accidentally left it lying around my room and my parents or brother came across it? They would disown me forever.

I decided to skip to another part of the project, the letter to my future child. This was also difficult. I never thought I would want to have kids because it was something only men and women did, like marriage. All part of straight society.

I began the letter:

Dear Future Child,

I'm writing this letter because I want you to know about your father when he was younger. The things I did to make your life better. My parents never told me much about them, so I always felt disconnected. Always asking questions that sometimes didn't get an answer.

I want you to know I was just like you when I was your age.

Then it came to me! What if my child was gay? Would he be afraid? What would I do to make life for him better? The answer seemed simple. As if it were there all along. I had to be honest not only with myself, but with everyone around me. I didn't want to continue to be afraid.

Afraid that writing down the word gay would kill me.

For the first time ever I wrote down the word that made my story complete. I even typed it out more than a few times on numerous drafts, 'and then I said, I'm gay!' After that, my project included more than a few times the word gay. I had finally overcome my fear.

My teacher loved it! She gave me extra points for making it very personal. I never understood the power of the written word until I was set free from fear of disclosure. Since then, writing my life stories has become a major part of freeing myself. The truth is a scary thought, an uncensored reality that we all must face at one point or another. I face this truth through my writing.

Emmanuel Garcia is a student at Columbia College. He continues to free himself through his writing on his Weblog at emmanuelgarcia.blogspot.com .


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Gay tourism group cancels Ethopian trip after death threats 2019-06-26 - Dan Ware, the owner of Chicago-based Toto Tours—which has a mostly gay clientele—has cancelled an October trip to Ethiopia after receiving death threats ...


Gay News

Gay entrepreneur hopes to reach others through digital marketing 2019-06-26 - After years navigating the corporate world as a marketing professional for corporations like AT&T and Petsmart, Chris Hofstetter was ready for reinvention. Looking ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Kamala Harris, military poll, gay-bar attack, Cracker Barrel 2019-06-25 - Presidential candidate U.S. Sen. Kamala Harris is introducing a bill to reduce the transmission of HIV by encouraging the use of PrEP, or ...


Gay News

Indiana school refuses to fire gay teacher, loses Catholic status 2019-06-22 - The Archbishop of Indianapolis asked a Jesuit school to fire a teacher who is in a same-sex marriage—but it refused to do so, ...


Gay News

Family Equality Council holds LGBTQ reproductive options panel discussion 2019-06-18 - Family Equality Council held an "LGBTQ+ Paths to Pregnancy: Using Donor Sperm to Build Your Family" panel discussion June 12 at Women & ...


Gay News

Gay Holocaust film being shown June 20 2019-06-17 - The Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center, 9603 Woods Dr., Skokie, will show the documentary Dear Fredy on Thursday, June 20, 6:30-8 p.m. ...


Gay News

Thirty-six sports confirmed for Gay Games 11 in Hong Kong 2022 2019-06-12 - HONG KONG/SAN FRANCISCO, 31 May 2019 - The Federation of Gay Games ( FGG ) together with the Gay Games 11 Hong Kong ...


Gay News

Iran defends killing of gay people 2019-06-12 - The United States accused Iran of violating fundamental human rights after Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammed Javad Zarif endorsed the execution of gay people, ...


Gay News

WORLD Trans woman murdered, gay-sex laws, trans mayor 2019-06-04 - A transgender woman was murdered and decapitated during the weekend of International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia ( IDAHOBIT ) in the ...


Gay News

Gay teens claim bias by Big Boy Gyros 2019-05-29 - Two teens from Lane Tech High School—Kendall Anderson and Peder Sevig—have accused Big Boy Gyros, 3541 N. Western Ave., of anti-LGBT discrimination stemming ...


 



Copyright © 2019 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor


 



About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.