Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2015-11-25
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


VIEWS Lessons from a modern family

by Dr. Carmen Cruz

facebook twitter stumble upon digg google +1 reddit email

I was ready to be walked down the aisle by my traditional Cuban father to marry my beautiful blonde Jewish wife.

Our "Jewban" lesbian wedding we've dreamt of with our modern familia with two kids was solidified by this loving family ceremony and party in 2012. The ceremony followed our legal marriage in New York City in September 2011.

As we shared vows of commitment and laughs with our guests during the ceremony, I was reminded of the blessing I felt that my kids were witnessing this event from a loving perspective, with full support of all family members.

America watched Mitchell and Cam marry during the two-part season finale of ABC's Modern Family and the positive ripple of effects on children is paramount.

Some of the most important things a parent can provide a child is to love, teach, soothe and guide them.

Does sexual orientation impact this? How does it?

Some people struggle with lesbian, gay and bisexual ( LGB ) people raising children. Common fears and stereotypes are that the children will be gay themselves, will be promiscuous, need a mother and a father, will not succeed in life, and overall will not be as well-adjusted as children raised in heterosexual homes.

But there is consistent research and lived experiences that support the concept that children of LGB parents are as well-adjusted as their counterparts. The American Psychological Association's summary of four decades of research on LGB parents declares that "common stereotypes are not supported by the data." This means that LGB parents are not unfit and do not have a negative effect on children.

In fact, the results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual couples.

A 2013 groundbreaking report from Australia, the largest study of children ( 500 ) from LGB homes, suggests that children raised by same-sex parents are doing well and even better than their peers in indicators such as self-esteem, emotional behavior and the amount of time spent with parents.

Why are LGB people good parents?

Two of the primary factors are that LGB couples cannot have children unintentionally and they have more egalitarian relationships, research shows.

First, there is no 'oops, we're pregnant.' LGB couples cannot conceive, and they have to intentionally desire a child, devote time to the process, research it, and invest, at times, thousands of dollars. Similar to infertile heterosexual couples, children of lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals are not going to be unplanned or even unwanted. This level of intentionality is potent.

LGB couples tend to be more fluid and flexible when it comes to gender roles. This is mostly due to not having to adhere to the same culturally driven male-female gender roles that most heterosexual couples do.

Who takes out the garbage? Who cooks dinner? Who bathes the kids? Who pays?

The division of labor and tasks is a common conversation from the get go, with no road map, compared to the map heterosexual couples have.

Along with the movement toward greater acceptance, there are still many LGB individuals, couples and families that do not have the support of their family and friends.

The majority of Americans are moving toward affirming same-sex marriage and accepting same-sex families as part of the family spectrum in the U.S. However, about 42 percent of people in the U.S. do not support the idea.

Additionally, outside of family, LGB couples with children are more likely to face stigma and discrimination in court proceedings, within schools, with medical providers and with the general public.

This is an important area to consider as the effects of not having support for one's identity and or relationship can cause great distress, which causes a greater stress on the children. If loved ones do not accept the family, then those children grow up with less family love and support.

The more people can face their acquired homophobia and be open to learning from one another, the further we will grow. And the happier all kids will be.

This is not to say that we need to identify as 'gay parents' and 'straight parents.' But it sure seems we have a lot to learn from one another. Let's all be open to that.

I bet Lily, Mitch and Cam's daughter in Modern Family, will feel the love and union of her parents—not her gay parents.

Dr. Carmen Cruz is a licensed psychologist and diversity training consultant as well as director of training at Texas Woman's University ( TWU ) Counseling Center. She is a public voices fellow with The OpEd Project at TWU and founder of Cruz Consulting ( ). She is on Twitter @drcruz32, or Facebook at CRUZ Consulting.

facebook twitter stumble upon digg google +1 reddit email

Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


SENIOR MOMENTS Gollums, Muppets and orcs 2015-11-25
VIEWS Where's Log Cabin Republican activism? 2015-11-25
LGBTQ and long-term care: Caregiving 2015-11-18
Guest column: Larry Kramer's sour times 2015-11-18
GUEST COLUMN Evolutions 2015-11-11
GUEST COLUMN LGBTQ and long-term care: What you need to know about housing 2015-11-11
VIEWS What should white LGBTQ groups do now? 2015-11-11
THE AMAZON TRAIL Gen future 2015-11-10
GUEST COLUMN: Sleeping out for youth 2015-11-04
Open To Thinking: PEN protests the rise of anti-LGBTQ legislation 2015-11-04
GUEST COLUMN LGBTQ and long-term care: What you need to know 2015-11-04
VIEWS Running through cancer while helping others 2015-11-04
VIEWS Creating Change 2016: Calling for community housing 2015-10-28
MOMBIAN LGBTQ families: Past, present and future 2015-10-26
GUEST COLUMN: LGBT identity as big data 2015-10-23
GUEST COLUMN Coming out on campus 2015-10-21
VIEWS Democratic debate left out LGBTQ issues 2015-10-21
VIEWS Azealia Banks, please stop insulting the LGBT community 2015-10-20
History is for kids 2015-10-14
MOMBIAN A change of season 2015-10-14
VIEWS My disappointment with the pontiff's visit 2015-10-07
Open To Thinking: Religious liberty USA style 2015-10-07
SENIOR MOMENTS My mother and Kentucky clerk Kim Davis 2015-10-07
A letter about dying, to my lesbian communities 2015-09-30
THE AMAZON TRAIL Lesbian vacations 2015-09-30
VIEWS Dis-membering Stonewall 2015-09-23
Guest column: Ode to My Husband 2015-09-23
VIEWS How the Golden Girls fought for gay rights 2015-09-23
VIEWS The first draft of history 2015-09-23
SENIOR MOMENTS Heroic women and Caitlyn Jenner 2015-09-16
ASK LAMBDA LEGAL Back to school: Bathrooms 2015-09-16
VIEWPOINTS In support of Creating Change 2015-09-15
Transforming Gender: The other side 2015-09-09
VIEWS Katrina's struggling Black gay community 2015-09-09
VIEWS Labor Day, Walmart and me 2015-09-09
Open To Thinking: A personal tribute to Julian Bond 2015-09-02
MOMBIAN Back-to-school reflections and resources 2015-09-02
THE AMAZON TRAIL Dykey Dorothy and friends 2015-08-26
Marriage Equality and Social Justice 2015-08-19
Stop and frisk: An Open Letter to the ACLU 2015-08-19

Copyright © 2015 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.








About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.