Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2020-05-27
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News  Entertainment Features Donate Bars & Clubs Calendar Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

VIEWS Lessons from a modern family

by Dr. Carmen Cruz
2014-06-11

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I was ready to be walked down the aisle by my traditional Cuban father to marry my beautiful blonde Jewish wife.

Our "Jewban" lesbian wedding we've dreamt of with our modern familia with two kids was solidified by this loving family ceremony and party in 2012. The ceremony followed our legal marriage in New York City in September 2011.

As we shared vows of commitment and laughs with our guests during the ceremony, I was reminded of the blessing I felt that my kids were witnessing this event from a loving perspective, with full support of all family members.

America watched Mitchell and Cam marry during the two-part season finale of ABC's Modern Family and the positive ripple of effects on children is paramount.

Some of the most important things a parent can provide a child is to love, teach, soothe and guide them.

Does sexual orientation impact this? How does it?

Some people struggle with lesbian, gay and bisexual ( LGB ) people raising children. Common fears and stereotypes are that the children will be gay themselves, will be promiscuous, need a mother and a father, will not succeed in life, and overall will not be as well-adjusted as children raised in heterosexual homes.

But there is consistent research and lived experiences that support the concept that children of LGB parents are as well-adjusted as their counterparts. The American Psychological Association's summary of four decades of research on LGB parents declares that "common stereotypes are not supported by the data." This means that LGB parents are not unfit and do not have a negative effect on children.

In fact, the results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual couples.

A 2013 groundbreaking report from Australia, the largest study of children ( 500 ) from LGB homes, suggests that children raised by same-sex parents are doing well and even better than their peers in indicators such as self-esteem, emotional behavior and the amount of time spent with parents.

Why are LGB people good parents?

Two of the primary factors are that LGB couples cannot have children unintentionally and they have more egalitarian relationships, research shows.

First, there is no 'oops, we're pregnant.' LGB couples cannot conceive, and they have to intentionally desire a child, devote time to the process, research it, and invest, at times, thousands of dollars. Similar to infertile heterosexual couples, children of lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals are not going to be unplanned or even unwanted. This level of intentionality is potent.

LGB couples tend to be more fluid and flexible when it comes to gender roles. This is mostly due to not having to adhere to the same culturally driven male-female gender roles that most heterosexual couples do.

Who takes out the garbage? Who cooks dinner? Who bathes the kids? Who pays?

The division of labor and tasks is a common conversation from the get go, with no road map, compared to the map heterosexual couples have.

Along with the movement toward greater acceptance, there are still many LGB individuals, couples and families that do not have the support of their family and friends.

The majority of Americans are moving toward affirming same-sex marriage and accepting same-sex families as part of the family spectrum in the U.S. However, about 42 percent of people in the U.S. do not support the idea.

Additionally, outside of family, LGB couples with children are more likely to face stigma and discrimination in court proceedings, within schools, with medical providers and with the general public.

This is an important area to consider as the effects of not having support for one's identity and or relationship can cause great distress, which causes a greater stress on the children. If loved ones do not accept the family, then those children grow up with less family love and support.

The more people can face their acquired homophobia and be open to learning from one another, the further we will grow. And the happier all kids will be.

This is not to say that we need to identify as 'gay parents' and 'straight parents.' But it sure seems we have a lot to learn from one another. Let's all be open to that.

I bet Lily, Mitch and Cam's daughter in Modern Family, will feel the love and union of her parents—not her gay parents.

Dr. Carmen Cruz is a licensed psychologist and diversity training consultant as well as director of training at Texas Woman's University ( TWU ) Counseling Center. She is a public voices fellow with The OpEd Project at TWU and founder of Cruz Consulting ( www.drcarmencruz.com ). She is on Twitter @drcruz32, or Facebook at CRUZ Consulting.


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Planning your legacy: VA benefits for LGBTQ veterans and servicemembers 2020-05-27 - Dear community: The Department of Veterans Affairs ( VA ) stands strong in supporting our LGBTQ servicemembers and veterans. As members of ...


Gay News

THE AMAZON TRAIL Is there a doctor... 2020-05-27 - It's that time again. I need to find a healthcare provider. I live in a rural community where there is a large turnover ...


Gay News

VIEWS LGBTQ discrimination is a disgrace 2020-05-18 - Re the New York Times article, "Aimee Stephens, 59, Plaintiff in Transgender Rights Case" ( obituary, May 14 ): Our world has long ...


Gay News

LETTER Handling the pandemic 2020-05-13 - Dear community: How is our community responding to the coronavirus pandemic? The key seems to be a social-distance approach that many of ...


Gay News

MOMBIAN: COVID-19 pauses family-building for many LGBTQ people 2020-04-29 - Nina Willbach and her wife, a Philadelphia couple, have been trying to get pregnant since last June via assisted insemination. In March, ...


Gay News

LETTER In praise of Pritzker 2020-04-29 - To the Editor: Illinois physicians and hospitals commend Gov. J.B. Pritzker for his steadfast leadership during the COVID-19 pandemic. Every day he ...


Gay News

OP-ED The media needs to stop reporting about Queen Latifah's sexuality 2020-04-28 - Does the media's cat and mouse game of chase with Queen Latifah lead many of us—especially in the LGBTQ+ community—to another "Gotcha!" moment ...


Gay News

LETTER Administrative errors 2020-04-15 - Dear Editor: For war against an unforeseen enemy, we need a war administration. If the framers of the Constitution had foreseen the ...


Gay News

OP-ED: COVID-19 LGBTQs, minorities disproportionately affected 2020-04-15 - These are some truly historic times. And in what may come as no surprise to many, the coronavirus pandemic is adversely affecting many ...


Gay News

THE AMAZON TRAIL A giant 2020-04-15 - "We lost a giant today," tweeted California state Sen. Scott Weiner, who is chairman of the LGBTQ caucus. A giant is exactly what ...


 



Copyright © 2020 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor


 



About WCMG Publications News  Entertainment Features Donate Bars & Clubs Calendar Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.