Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2017-08-16
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

VIEWPOINTS Gay parenting
Special to the online edition of Windy City Times
by Roi Ann Phillips
2012-04-11

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


"What about our life is quintessentially gay?" I asked my partner this morning. I haven't been an active part of the public LGBT movement in nearly eight years.

"Everything about our life is gay," she replied. "Gayness follows us."

I weighed her words. I walk our second grader to school with a cousin—the daughter of a lesbian couple who's known my daughter since babyhood and now happens to live one block away. Gay.

I grind the coffee, pour water into the pot, pet my dog, and every morning, I pour three vitamins into a sushi soy sauce tray. Gay.

At night, I pull my car into the garage, careful not to run over any bikes or scooters, and I gather my belongings from the day. Gay. Okay. We have a small house just outside Chicago which fits our family perfectly. Gay or not so gay?

By day, I'm a nonprofit communicator. Not so gay. By night, I alternate between multi-eyed couch potato and budding blogger. Always gay, public sometimes. It isn't that I spend any time in the closet, but there are full days now where being gay just never comes up. My life is consumed by other things: Soccer registration, playdates, homework.

Our eldest daughter, my partner's by birth and mine by love and assertion, has become a brilliant poet and an insightful advocate for safe and respectful education. She is a college junior in Madison. Our youngest daughter, the one still living happily at home, is an observer, a scientist, a humorous child who appreciates irony and sarcasm and doesn't much care for babies who aren't related to her. She likes Pokémon and Temple Run and B96 Radio, still goes to bed at 8 o'clock and never met an olive she didn't like. Gayness figures into their lives, too, of course. Some days more than others.

Recently, the second-grader wore a shirt to school that I thought she had outgrown. It's been hers since before she was born. "I [heart] my moms" it says on the front. "Fighting for our rights" it says on the back.

"People will know you have two moms if you wear that, won't they?" I asked her. "Although most of them already know." I didn't want to stir up trouble if there wasn't any brewing, but the shirt was a 4T. I never intended her to wear it on her own and I needed to know if she understood what she was doing.

I shouldn't have worried. She was ready to stand her ground. "Fighting for our rights," she read aloud before pulling the shirt on over her head. She seemed to ponder that a moment, and then come to a decision. "I can do that!" she exclaimed, throwing a couple mock karate kicks. "I can do karate, or guns."

"This doesn't require that kind of fighting."

"What kind of fighting, then?" She seemed genuinely surprised, tilting her head as if to take in my full response, but before I could conjure an explanation, she answered herself. "Fighting with words."

"That's right!" I said. "We've got to fight for what's right with our words." She remembered aloud how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. told us to fight with our words and not guns or fists, and then she came back to the shirt, to the parallel fight, the one she was suddenly wearing in purple across her chest.

"Is that because people think gay is bad?" she asked.

"Yes. People sometimes think gay is bad when they don't think they know any gay people. People have a lot of wrong ideas about things they don't understand." She nodded decisively and began brushing her teeth. This was not a new question in our house, and she'd heard this answer many times.

At the end of the day, she reported only one negative comment. "You can't have two moms," an older student apparently said. "Yes you can," my daughter replied. "No, you can't," insisted the girl. My daughter stopped, looked at the girl and said, "Well I do."

This is what I know: The more we tell our lives as they are, the more we create a world where it is safe to do so. Same-sex partners may soon be able to fill out joint U.S. customs forms when we travel, and the Defense of Marriage Act is on its way out. Who knew we'd see all this in our lifetimes? It's because of stories, advocacy and strategy, and LGBT people all around us who've decided to take up space. So let's take up space together.

I'll tell you my story. Will you tell yours?

RoiAnn Phillips tried the urban actor/activist thing for 15 years or so, and finally found her calling as a west suburban soccer mom. She has a partner, two daughters—one by adoption and one by falling in love with her mom—two dogs, two cars and two cats. And every Friday, she steals an hour or two for blogging at Are You the Babysitter? [http://areyouthebabysitter.wordpress.com]


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email




Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

National Women's Hall of Fame Induction Sept. 16, 2017 2017-08-17 - Seneca Falls, NY: - In celebration of the 100th year anniversary of Women's Right to Vote in NY, The National Women's Hall of ...


Gay News

TEEN SPEAK Sad truth about suicide rates 2017-08-16 - Depression and suicide awareness are both important topics that have their fair amount of advocates, but what these advocates rarely disclose is that ...


Gay News

For queer couple, creating Jewish home is part of the job 2017-08-16 - For Megan GoldMarche, creating a home alongside her wife Paige is literally part of her job. Megan has, since 2016, been rabbi at ...


Gay News

MLS commissions Sam Kirk mural 2017-08-16 - Major League Soccer ( MLS ) celebrated All-Star week in Chicago last week—and, as part of the festivities, commissioned Sam Kirk to create ...


Gay News

Kirk designs River North home 2017-08-16 - Over the past two years—between art exhibitions, public murals and corporate projects—lesbian artist Sam Kirk has been designing a three-story, loft-styled, penthouse in ...


Gay News

VIEWPOINTS Who was intended to see 'Detroit?' 2017-08-15 - Fifty years ago this summer, an urban rebellion took place. One hundred and fifty-nine riots erupted in cities with prominent African-American ...


Gay News

Driver who plowed into Charlottesville crowd reported to have held Nazi views 2017-08-13 - A 20-year-old Ohio man accused of plowing a car into a crowd of protesters in Charlottesville, Virginia, on Aug. 12—killing one person and ...


Gay News

Meet the Parkers: A story of love and family 2017-08-09 - Aubrey and Ellen Parker are proud of their family; it's the reason they tell their story. It's important to them that ...


Gay News

GUEST COLUMN A tribute to Mariann Mayberry 2017-08-09 - Steppenwolf Theatre actor Mariann Mayberry died at age 52 after a long battle battle with cancer. Following is a tribute to her from ...


Gay News

Affinity hosts Black Equal Pay Day panel discussion 2017-08-09 - On July 31, Affinity Community Services hosted its Black Equal Pay Day intersectional panel discussion. The panel was led by Affinity Executive ...


 



Copyright © 2017 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Sponsor

About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.