Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2018-01-17
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

THE AMAZON TRAIL Dorky dykes
by Lee Lynch
2017-11-15

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I suppose I'm at my dorkiest about my stuffed animals. I have my first teddy bear, Buzz. I have the two cats Carol from Connecticut sent: Elga Wasserman ( after my first attorney ) and the appealingly homely Samo. Of course, I've kept the last one my mother gave me, a high femme rabbit in an extraordinary Easter bonnet who I may finally name. I'm thinking: Karin Kallmaker.

It's Patty the Publisher's fault. I never thought of myself as dorky until she told me the ways she's dorky. Not that there's anything wrong with a grown person traveling around North America and Western Europe to visit Hard Rock Cafes for the sole purpose of purchasing empty, Café branded beer steins.

This could be a whole new industry: Dorky Travel Destinations Unlimited. Bigger than Olivia, bigger than RSVP, bigger than Royal Caribbean and Holland America combined.

I have no fear of becoming a hoarder, and no shame. It's a requirement of dorkiness to feel no shame.

The dawn of dorky came early for me. I have not been able to discard a post card since I was an adolescent, a time when I should have been at the peak of coolness. The cards have been sitting useless in gaudy cookie tins for decades, but recently, my sweetheart came upon a sweetheart deal: free card racks from a bookstore going out of business.

Yes, I married another semi-pro dork. Postcards are one of the common passions that brought us together. A 1950's giveaway postcard of a boring turquoise and pink motel will have us beyond ourselves with excitement. If the motel's neon sign is included, that's a definite bonus: the Sea Breeze Motel, the Hillcrest, the Silver Moon, the Summit, the Oasis—all time-honored humdrum names glamorized by neon.

Dorkiest Confession: I loved the film "Napoleon Dynamite." I even possess Napoleon Dynamite, The Complete Quote Book. In mint condition. Jealous? I'll share a Dynamite quote: "I like your sleeves. They're real big."

Some of our kind friends send postcards from faraway places; Brussels, Orkney, Barcelona, Devon. When my sweetheart and I travel, which mostly means local jaunts, we might stumble on a town so small it doesn't have a traffic light, a flashing yellow light, or a stop sign, but maybe it has a handwritten poster board advertising an EVENT. This summer we found one such EVENT which turned out to be a combination flea market, craft fair, and what-have you. The only customers, we tried to buy an item from a local junk metal sculptor, but it was already spoken for and the only other one he had was in a relative's yard. The relative was, unsurprisingly, in the same booth, selling odds and ends and okay with letting the piece go. The artist was sprawled in a lawn chair, pretty clearly not up to the driving a couple of miles to make the sale.

Wherever we go, we turn into our dorky tourist selves. I'm still talking about the International Police Museum in tiny Rockaway Beach, Oregon. We got the t-shirts—not exactly matching. That would be too dorky. We were even more thrilled to snag their Junior Police stickers. Check it out, the museum web site says the curators ( read: town volunteers ) are planning an exhibit of dental forensics and while there, you can take your own fingerprints.

Yes, naturally we dressed up our late dog, Beastie. We wouldn't be very dorky if we hadn't. She had a jester's hat, antlers, a faux shearling-lined black jacket, and a t-shirt identifying her as a security guard. Yes indeed, I commissioned a portrait of Bea after she died. It was for my sweetheart, who may have loved little Bea more than she does me.

Further dorkiness: because we're so well accepted in our heavily non-gay community, we not only attend and work at, but enjoy the monthly potlucks, ladies' lunches, ice cream socials, men's breakfasts, and other shockingly fun activities. If the neighbors could only have seen me as a teenager in butch drag, underage, smoking, drinking, dancing at The Sea Colony—well, I guess they all have pasts too. They certainly know how to enjoy dorkiness.

My sweetheart did me one better. Our first potluck cemented her in the community forever when she joined in on the Pledge of Allegiance for the first time since high school. Come the winter holidays, she was over the moon singing Christmas carols with the neighbors who, like true dorks, notice these things.

When Patty the Publisher enlightened me about my true nature, she also owned up to a collection of shot glasses. She doesn't drink. Now that's dorky.

I didn't admit to decades of longing for one of those hokey Kitty-Kat clocks with moving eyes and tail. My sweetheart gave me one a couple of years ago. True dork-love.

"There's no fear when you're having fun," wrote mystery writer Will Thomas.

There's plenty to fear in today's world. The antidote? Make time to watch Jeopardy daily, play mahjong every other Tuesday, visit the floral exhibit at the county fair. Be your inner dorky queer. It's as okay to do what we love as it is to love who we love.

But hands off my Napoleon Dynamite book and Karin, the high femme rabbit.

Copyright Lee Lynch 2017

November 2017


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email




Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

300,000 rally at Women's March Chicago event 2018-01-20 - An estimated 300,000 people gathered at Columbus Parkway near Grant Park for the Women's March Chicago rally and march Jan. 20 under the ...


Gay News

Dress Code exhibit includes Black lesbians in South Africa, dressing as a statement 2018-01-17 - The exhibit Dress Code at the Art Institute of Chicago shows in photos Black lesbians in their everyday attire. Runs through April 22, ...


Gay News

Center on Halsted to host Black History Month Series, At the Intersections 2018-01-17 - CHICAGO ( January 11, 2018 ) — Center on Halsted is proud to announce the Center will be hosting a series of Black ...


Gay News

GUEST COLUMN I Don't Mind Your Asking 2018-01-17 - This question, again, was asked of me recently. Good naturedly, with love, and with sincere caring ... but always unexpected. It caused me, ...


Gay News

Kelly McGillis flag-football event Jan. 22-29 2018-01-17 - Teams of women and girls from around the world are to meet for adrenaline-packed sporting events and activities Jan. 22-29 during the 27th ...


Gay News

King's dream of 'the beloved community' extends to yours, too 2018-01-17 - KThis year is the 50th anniversary of the assassination of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It's a painful and necessary anniversary ...


Gay News

Creating Change co-founder Sue Hyde preps her last conference 2018-01-17 - LGBTQ activist and community organizer Sue Hyde has been an esteemed co-founder of the Creating Change conference for the past 30 years. Her ...


Gay News

Maria Hadden aiming to be first Black queer Chicago alderman, in 2019 2018-01-17 - Maria Hadden has lived in Rogers Park for 10 years. It was her first neighborhood in Chicago, and after brief forays west, she ...


Gay News

TELEVISION TV special, Sighted Eyes, Feeling Heart, tells Lorraine Hansberry's story 2018-01-17 - In high school, Tracy Heather Strain's grandmother took her to see a production of Young, Gifted and Black, a play drawn from the ...


Gay News

Black Lives Matter co-founder Cullors in Chicago Jan. 23 2018-01-15 - Patrisse Khan-Cullors brings her book tour to Chicago Tuesday, Jan. 23, 7 p.m., at the Wilson Abbey, 935 W. Wilson, Chicago, hosted with ...


 



Copyright © 2018 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor


 

Sponsor


Sponsor

About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.