Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2019-01-16
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

THE AMAZON TRAIL Dorky dykes
by Lee Lynch
2017-11-15

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I suppose I'm at my dorkiest about my stuffed animals. I have my first teddy bear, Buzz. I have the two cats Carol from Connecticut sent: Elga Wasserman ( after my first attorney ) and the appealingly homely Samo. Of course, I've kept the last one my mother gave me, a high femme rabbit in an extraordinary Easter bonnet who I may finally name. I'm thinking: Karin Kallmaker.

It's Patty the Publisher's fault. I never thought of myself as dorky until she told me the ways she's dorky. Not that there's anything wrong with a grown person traveling around North America and Western Europe to visit Hard Rock Cafes for the sole purpose of purchasing empty, Café branded beer steins.

This could be a whole new industry: Dorky Travel Destinations Unlimited. Bigger than Olivia, bigger than RSVP, bigger than Royal Caribbean and Holland America combined.

I have no fear of becoming a hoarder, and no shame. It's a requirement of dorkiness to feel no shame.

The dawn of dorky came early for me. I have not been able to discard a post card since I was an adolescent, a time when I should have been at the peak of coolness. The cards have been sitting useless in gaudy cookie tins for decades, but recently, my sweetheart came upon a sweetheart deal: free card racks from a bookstore going out of business.

Yes, I married another semi-pro dork. Postcards are one of the common passions that brought us together. A 1950's giveaway postcard of a boring turquoise and pink motel will have us beyond ourselves with excitement. If the motel's neon sign is included, that's a definite bonus: the Sea Breeze Motel, the Hillcrest, the Silver Moon, the Summit, the Oasis—all time-honored humdrum names glamorized by neon.

Dorkiest Confession: I loved the film "Napoleon Dynamite." I even possess Napoleon Dynamite, The Complete Quote Book. In mint condition. Jealous? I'll share a Dynamite quote: "I like your sleeves. They're real big."

Some of our kind friends send postcards from faraway places; Brussels, Orkney, Barcelona, Devon. When my sweetheart and I travel, which mostly means local jaunts, we might stumble on a town so small it doesn't have a traffic light, a flashing yellow light, or a stop sign, but maybe it has a handwritten poster board advertising an EVENT. This summer we found one such EVENT which turned out to be a combination flea market, craft fair, and what-have you. The only customers, we tried to buy an item from a local junk metal sculptor, but it was already spoken for and the only other one he had was in a relative's yard. The relative was, unsurprisingly, in the same booth, selling odds and ends and okay with letting the piece go. The artist was sprawled in a lawn chair, pretty clearly not up to the driving a couple of miles to make the sale.

Wherever we go, we turn into our dorky tourist selves. I'm still talking about the International Police Museum in tiny Rockaway Beach, Oregon. We got the t-shirts—not exactly matching. That would be too dorky. We were even more thrilled to snag their Junior Police stickers. Check it out, the museum web site says the curators ( read: town volunteers ) are planning an exhibit of dental forensics and while there, you can take your own fingerprints.

Yes, naturally we dressed up our late dog, Beastie. We wouldn't be very dorky if we hadn't. She had a jester's hat, antlers, a faux shearling-lined black jacket, and a t-shirt identifying her as a security guard. Yes indeed, I commissioned a portrait of Bea after she died. It was for my sweetheart, who may have loved little Bea more than she does me.

Further dorkiness: because we're so well accepted in our heavily non-gay community, we not only attend and work at, but enjoy the monthly potlucks, ladies' lunches, ice cream socials, men's breakfasts, and other shockingly fun activities. If the neighbors could only have seen me as a teenager in butch drag, underage, smoking, drinking, dancing at The Sea Colony—well, I guess they all have pasts too. They certainly know how to enjoy dorkiness.

My sweetheart did me one better. Our first potluck cemented her in the community forever when she joined in on the Pledge of Allegiance for the first time since high school. Come the winter holidays, she was over the moon singing Christmas carols with the neighbors who, like true dorks, notice these things.

When Patty the Publisher enlightened me about my true nature, she also owned up to a collection of shot glasses. She doesn't drink. Now that's dorky.

I didn't admit to decades of longing for one of those hokey Kitty-Kat clocks with moving eyes and tail. My sweetheart gave me one a couple of years ago. True dork-love.

"There's no fear when you're having fun," wrote mystery writer Will Thomas.

There's plenty to fear in today's world. The antidote? Make time to watch Jeopardy daily, play mahjong every other Tuesday, visit the floral exhibit at the county fair. Be your inner dorky queer. It's as okay to do what we love as it is to love who we love.

But hands off my Napoleon Dynamite book and Karin, the high femme rabbit.

Copyright Lee Lynch 2017

November 2017


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

PASSAGES Annie O'Dowd 2019-01-16 - Ann "Annie" O'Dowd, of The Villages, Florida, passed away Dec. 26, 2018. Annie was born on April 26, 1929 in Chicago. She was ...


Gay News

THE AMAZON TRAIL A poem and a plant 2019-01-16 - The day was typical for the Pacific Northwest. The brightening sky had stopped sputtering its fine dewdrops for the moment, the wind had ...


Gay News

NUNN ON ONE Kristina Valada-Viars: Out actress discusses lengthy career 2019-01-16 - Out actress Kristina Valada-Viars continues to expand her life in theater. A big part of this is thanks to the Steppenwolf and ...


Gay News

Affinity's Burning Bowl honors former leader Kim Hunt 2019-01-15 - About a hundred people gathered for Affinity Community Services' annual kick-off event, Burning Bowl, Jan. 12 at Morgan Park United Methodist Church ( ...


Gay News

Times Square site of WorldPride Closing Ceremony, Melissa Etheridge to perform 2019-01-15 - NEW YORK, NY, JANUARY 15, 2019 — NYC Pride, the official host of WorldPride 2019 and Stonewall 50, is thrilled to announce further ...


Gay News

LPAC endorses Lori Lightfoot for Mayor 2019-01-15 - Washington, DC ( January 15, 2019 ) — LPAC, the only organization devoted to building the political power of LGBTQ women, announced the ...


Gay News

Chicago Sky players wed 2019-01-09 - Chicago Sky teammates Courtney Vandersloot and Allie Quigley got married in Seattle Dec. 27, according to the women's basketball website SwishAppeal.com. Seattle is ...


Gay News

Women & Children First bookstore events include Shout Your Abortion 2019-01-09 - Women & Children First Loves Chicago Books to Women in Prison Donation Drive January 2 through February 14 We're kicking off the new ...


Gay News

'San Antonio Four' have records cleared 2019-01-09 - Four Texas women who were imprisoned almost 15 years after being wrongfully convicted of sexually assaulting two young girls have finally had their ...


Gay News

Annual Burning Bowl Jan. 12 at Morgan Park 2019-01-09 - Affinity Community Services is hosting its annual kick-off event, Burning Bowl, on Saturday, Jan. 12, 2019, 1-4 p.m., at Morgan Park UMC at ...


 



Copyright © 2019 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Sponsor

About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.