Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2018-07-18
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

THE AMAZON TRAIL Dorky dykes
by Lee Lynch
2017-11-15

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I suppose I'm at my dorkiest about my stuffed animals. I have my first teddy bear, Buzz. I have the two cats Carol from Connecticut sent: Elga Wasserman ( after my first attorney ) and the appealingly homely Samo. Of course, I've kept the last one my mother gave me, a high femme rabbit in an extraordinary Easter bonnet who I may finally name. I'm thinking: Karin Kallmaker.

It's Patty the Publisher's fault. I never thought of myself as dorky until she told me the ways she's dorky. Not that there's anything wrong with a grown person traveling around North America and Western Europe to visit Hard Rock Cafes for the sole purpose of purchasing empty, Café branded beer steins.

This could be a whole new industry: Dorky Travel Destinations Unlimited. Bigger than Olivia, bigger than RSVP, bigger than Royal Caribbean and Holland America combined.

I have no fear of becoming a hoarder, and no shame. It's a requirement of dorkiness to feel no shame.

The dawn of dorky came early for me. I have not been able to discard a post card since I was an adolescent, a time when I should have been at the peak of coolness. The cards have been sitting useless in gaudy cookie tins for decades, but recently, my sweetheart came upon a sweetheart deal: free card racks from a bookstore going out of business.

Yes, I married another semi-pro dork. Postcards are one of the common passions that brought us together. A 1950's giveaway postcard of a boring turquoise and pink motel will have us beyond ourselves with excitement. If the motel's neon sign is included, that's a definite bonus: the Sea Breeze Motel, the Hillcrest, the Silver Moon, the Summit, the Oasis—all time-honored humdrum names glamorized by neon.

Dorkiest Confession: I loved the film "Napoleon Dynamite." I even possess Napoleon Dynamite, The Complete Quote Book. In mint condition. Jealous? I'll share a Dynamite quote: "I like your sleeves. They're real big."

Some of our kind friends send postcards from faraway places; Brussels, Orkney, Barcelona, Devon. When my sweetheart and I travel, which mostly means local jaunts, we might stumble on a town so small it doesn't have a traffic light, a flashing yellow light, or a stop sign, but maybe it has a handwritten poster board advertising an EVENT. This summer we found one such EVENT which turned out to be a combination flea market, craft fair, and what-have you. The only customers, we tried to buy an item from a local junk metal sculptor, but it was already spoken for and the only other one he had was in a relative's yard. The relative was, unsurprisingly, in the same booth, selling odds and ends and okay with letting the piece go. The artist was sprawled in a lawn chair, pretty clearly not up to the driving a couple of miles to make the sale.

Wherever we go, we turn into our dorky tourist selves. I'm still talking about the International Police Museum in tiny Rockaway Beach, Oregon. We got the t-shirts—not exactly matching. That would be too dorky. We were even more thrilled to snag their Junior Police stickers. Check it out, the museum web site says the curators ( read: town volunteers ) are planning an exhibit of dental forensics and while there, you can take your own fingerprints.

Yes, naturally we dressed up our late dog, Beastie. We wouldn't be very dorky if we hadn't. She had a jester's hat, antlers, a faux shearling-lined black jacket, and a t-shirt identifying her as a security guard. Yes indeed, I commissioned a portrait of Bea after she died. It was for my sweetheart, who may have loved little Bea more than she does me.

Further dorkiness: because we're so well accepted in our heavily non-gay community, we not only attend and work at, but enjoy the monthly potlucks, ladies' lunches, ice cream socials, men's breakfasts, and other shockingly fun activities. If the neighbors could only have seen me as a teenager in butch drag, underage, smoking, drinking, dancing at The Sea Colony—well, I guess they all have pasts too. They certainly know how to enjoy dorkiness.

My sweetheart did me one better. Our first potluck cemented her in the community forever when she joined in on the Pledge of Allegiance for the first time since high school. Come the winter holidays, she was over the moon singing Christmas carols with the neighbors who, like true dorks, notice these things.

When Patty the Publisher enlightened me about my true nature, she also owned up to a collection of shot glasses. She doesn't drink. Now that's dorky.

I didn't admit to decades of longing for one of those hokey Kitty-Kat clocks with moving eyes and tail. My sweetheart gave me one a couple of years ago. True dork-love.

"There's no fear when you're having fun," wrote mystery writer Will Thomas.

There's plenty to fear in today's world. The antidote? Make time to watch Jeopardy daily, play mahjong every other Tuesday, visit the floral exhibit at the county fair. Be your inner dorky queer. It's as okay to do what we love as it is to love who we love.

But hands off my Napoleon Dynamite book and Karin, the high femme rabbit.

Copyright Lee Lynch 2017

November 2017


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

SOUND THE ALARMS Supreme Court pick could dismantle LGBTQ rights 2018-07-18 - The nomination of Brett Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court should alarm every member of the LGBT community. His record demonstrates that if he ...


Gay News

Study says mental health of young adults with lesbian parents same as peers 2018-07-16 - The mental health of young adults with lesbian parents is the same as their peers, study finds New findings from the 32-year U.S. ...


Gay News

LGBTQ candidate and campaign training in Chicago Aug.2-4 2018-07-14 - Victory Institute will train more than 40 LGBTQ people on running for office during its intensive four-day Candidate & Campaign Training in Chicago ...


Gay News

Hawai'i Supreme Court Declines to Hear Case of B&B That Denied Room to Couple 2018-07-11 - ( Honolulu, HI, July 10, 2018 ) — The Hawai`i Supreme Court today rejected a petition from a Hawai`i bed & breakfast seeking ...


Gay News

Independence Day celebration for whom? 2018-07-11 - Last week we celebrated the Fourth of July with rounds of festivities marking our nation's 242 years of independence. Scenes of hyperpatriotism were ...


Gay News

MUSIC Marin Alsop, the maestra returns 2018-07-11 - Who is Marin Alsop? She is an internationally acclaimed conductor of classical orchestras and the first female music director of a major ...


Gay News

Affinity to hold leadership events during July 2018-07-11 - Affinity Community Services is hosting a virtual leadership series, "The Blackprint: A Plan for Building the Leadership Capacity of Black LGBTQ+ Women Leaders," ...


Gay News

GenForward surveys millennials' views on LGBT issues: race, identity, experience 2018-07-09 - Do more Millennials self-identify as LGBTQ than in past generations… or are they just more open about it? Are they more connected to ...


Gay News

Golden Crown Literary Society Awards Include Dorothy Allison, Elana Dykewomon 2018-07-06 - LAS VEGAS, NV - On Saturday, July 7, 2018, the Golden Crown Literary Society ( GCLS ), the nation's only lesbian literary organization ...


Gay News

VIEWPOINT When they come for me 2018-07-04 - When they come to tell me to move to the back of the bus, the answer is no, I'm not moving. When they ...


 



Copyright © 2018 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Sponsor

About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.