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Purrfectly Speaking
by Anita Charlot

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Heyyy … you're back. So how has the month been for you? It has been a continual learning experience for me. Now where were we? Oh that's right, we were talking about dating. As always, I have more questions for you. Have you ever noticed that while you are going through one of Earth School's classes, you find yourself reviewing your old material? Those flash backs of the past that happen to creep up when you least expect them? Have you ever looked over your notes to find or realize that you played more of a part in the situations within that previous class than you realized?

Well, I have and some of what I realized about myself was not pleasant. However, I am so thankful to the Universe for sharing these things with me as it gives me true insight to who I am in and out of a relationship and it affords me the opportunity to make some adjustments to prepare me for the next one. Oh, don't think that I am not looking forward to the next one, but there is a catch … a twist if you will. I am LOOKING FORWARD to the next relationship but not actively LOOKING FOR IT! This is where I think a lot of us make our mistakes.

I am not going to give you a timeline as to the amount of time that you should give between relationships that will be different for everyone. However, from experience, I know that getting out of one relationship and starting another soon after is a disaster waiting to happen. If you are the type of person that would like to really assess what happened in the previous relationship so as not to make the same mistakes again, then you will need time. Time to grieve, time to reflect, time to understand and also time to go toe-to-toe with those internal monkeys that have been sitting on your shoulder throughout your previous relationships.

If there is a pattern, if your ex's have all been singing the same song, then face it … you have the monkeys. If you are tired of hearing that same song … sit down and try to recall the words. Were they valid? Where does the basis for this behavior come from? These are the things you should be focusing on instead of who to 'hook up with' next.

Understand that I am not stating that you should become a hermit either; however, make a commitment to yourself to learn who you are, what you like and don't like and everything in between. In the interim, there is nothing wrong with meeting new people or dating, just do it with the understanding that every dating situation will not be a potential relationship. Date several different people. Refer to your list of Must Haves, Can Compromise Ons, and Hell Naws, if you don't have one … MAKE ONE! Make additions and deletions as you see fit until you come up with something that you can truly work with. While at the same time … working on yourself. Take a moment to think about the caliber of person that you would like to have in your life, get up, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself straight in the eye and ask this question … 'If I were 'X' type of person … would I date me?' Then think about the things that you would have to work on to make you appealing to that type of person.

I have to share this with you … it embarrassed me so much, I couldn't wait to tell you. I was at the Park West for the Lipstick and Lace/Pat and Vera party. I had been standing around like a DIVA enjoying the views … nice views … nice views (I'm sorry … I digress) and I was approached from behind and asked a question. First of all, not being out on the market for years, I didn't have a quick comeback and was caught off guard. The question was, Where Is Your Partner? As I didn't feel like explaining where I am in my life, I immediately answered 'Out there on the dance floor.' She then says to me ... 'I've seen you standing by yourself all night' then she walked away. DAMN!!!! Busted. All I could do was chuckle. I was clearly unprepared for that one. Oh well, that's what happens when you try to tell a lie. It was funny as hell though.

See you next month. Until then … know your worth!

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