THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

You see, each of us has managed to fool ourselves into thinking that we have things all figured out—especially when it comes to the dating world. We assume that we have figured out what is wrong with the other person; why they make the choices that they do; why they behave the way they do; what they need to address in order to be healthy…with our eyes being closed to the reality of ourselves.

What do you think would happen if we were to honestly look at the reasons why WE have made the choices that we have in our lives? What would we find hiding behind our façade of being in touch with who we are? Would we find fear? Would we find insecurity? Would we find the need to control others behaviors so that they make us feel good about ourselves? Can think of a time when you have felt the need to manipulate a situation with another person so that you could maintain your sense of security? Can you also remember a time when you carefully plotted against someone to play on their emotions so that you could have what it is you needed for you?

Taking time to get in touch with your fears, your insecurities and your need for constant validation will give you more personal power than you ever dreamed of. Imagine how liberating it will be when you know exactly why you have lived your life in a particular way; why you have chosen a particular caliber of person; and why you have made the choices that you have made. You would then have the power to change those things. You could then create your future based on your understanding of the past. You could make better choices—not just in relationships, but in all areas of your life. The choices that you would then make would be based in your reality vs. your ability to hide behind the façade of who you have always known yourself to be.

By understanding and accepting your truth, you will then be able to orchestrate your life based on your reality. For example, you will know what you really want vs. what you said you wanted. You will understand what you really want to do vs. what you thought others would appreciate and applaud you for doing. You will comprehend what you recognize as being your truth vs. what you have convinced yourself of your truth to be. When you know who you are…you are then better able to articulate that to others.

You can state your wants, needs and desires not from a place of insecurity and fear but from a place of confidence, knowing that whatever you desire you can have. Self-awareness is also power. Being in touch with why you do things and how you have reasoned and rationalized your position will then allow you to immediately identify those that are struggling with the reality of themselves at the same time. This gives you insight into another's spirit, which will then enable you to have more compassion and understanding for others.

Take the time to identify that little child within and why he/she behaves the way they do. Have compassion for him or her and know that every experience that you have had along the way was necessary for your spirit's evolution.

Until next month…

Anita

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