Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2020-02-19
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage



Por Lo Que Soy
by Raven Rodriguez

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

It had to happen. You know when the water is THAT calm you can always bet that it can only mean some demon snake is just below the surface ready to thrash about and wreak havoc in an otherwise quiet pond, scaring the locals stupid. It just had to happen.

And it happened just like it does in the movies. Even though the calm was eerie and unnatural, I still decided to take a swim. Meanwhile, my subconscious stood in the back of the theater screaming, 'You MORON! Don't go in the water!' I should have listened.

For reasons probably any semi-functional Latina/o can understand (the careful cultivation and evolution of guilt into this fierce conglomerate able to bend the knee of the world's most jacked up Vin Diesel), one day last month while picking my baby sister up from that lady's house to take her to mine for a visit, I decided to dive into the hellhole I swore 'Never AGAIN'. I sat in front of that lady's house and wondered if it wasn't yet time to put all this bullshit behind us. I blame the sun that was shining all too brightly in my eyes.

As I stepped out of my car and started up that lady's front steps, I could actually hear the scary background music start to play. Slow at first and it even made me hesitate, slow my roll and I thought maybe this wasn't a good idea. The forest was quiet … TOO quiet and the calm in my pond was unnatural. But just as in the movies, I ultimately failed to listen to my gut and proceeded up those steps to ring the doorbell.

My intentions had been to speak to my sister, the one who started this whole thing. You remember? The one who was (is) dating the ex-con, her baby's daddy who beats her? I had been really close to her and despite everything, I felt that perhaps having been a mother for over a year now would have changed her views a little.

I never made it to my sister. The moment I walked in THAT LADY attacked me at the door. My pond no longer calm and serene, just chaotic with the thrashing of this venomous creature's tongue. Her first wave was that of accusation, that I was keeping her grandchildren from her for nothing more than personal vendetta, and that, ultimately, all of this, this entire issue between my family and I was all my wife's fault.

I could see her slimy meandering body coming at me and just like in the movies, I tried to run but fell over the branches of her outbursts. She spat accusations of replacing my love for her with a love for a woman that was poisoning my mind against the family. I could feel her anger and bitterness snake itself around my legs, pulling me under. Before I knew it I was pulled back into the same old arguments, the same old squabbles, the same old shit. Soon I too was thrashing about my once quiet little pond and felt as angry and resentful as I had before. She accused me of inflicting the same pain on my oldest daughter that I had accused her of inflicting on me. She accused me of neglecting my oldest for my wife and the daughter we had together. She accused me of being just like her.

Then, in the middle of her threats of finding a way to see her grandchildren and getting around my vicious evil brainwashed insanity, I realized something. This had been the second time I had come into this house since I had decided to sever the ties with this family and both times I had ended up in this same fight. But not once, regardless of how much that lady was trying to hide the fact that, as always, this was about her and no one else, did she ever stop to ask me how my girls were doing. And I suddenly stopped yelling and just listened.

And as clear as the day I realized my mother could not beat me anymore, I stared down at this little angry ball of resentment and realized that I would now be completely free and able to hang the sign 'Guilt Don't Live Here No More' on my door. What I was doing, I was doing for the good of my children. What she was doing, she was doing for the sake of being right, of making me feel that I was as fallible, if not more so, as she. And as easily as I had allowed myself to slip under the muddy waters, I stood up to realize that the pond was only knee-deep.

I didn't even bother to say a word. I simply walked out with a renewed sense of conviction. I knew that this was not the environment I wanted my daughters to grow up in. I knew that going back to that house was little more than a distraction and a complete waste of time. I heard my mother yelling out after me, something about this not being the end. I smiled at my baby sister, got in the car … and I went home.

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


Gay News

Report highlights LGBT elders, effects of loneliness on health 2020-02-28 - [New York, NY] Yesterday, the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine ( National Academies ), with support from the AARP Foundation, released ...

Gay News

LGBTQ Victory Fund condemns homophobic remarks by Bloomberg's NC State Director 2020-02-28 - Washington, DC — Today LGBTQ Victory Fund, the only national organization dedicated to electing LGBTQ leaders to public office, condemned a homophobic remark ...

Gay News

LGBTQ Victory Fund condemns homophobic campaign of Florida state Senate candidate 2020-02-27 - Washington, DC — Today LGBTQ Victory Fund, the only national organization dedicated to electing LGBTQ leaders to public office, condemned the homophobic campaign ...

Gay News

ELECTIONS 2020 Report: 378K trans citizens could encounter voting hurdles 2020-02-27 - A new report by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law says that an estimated 965,350 transgender adults will be eligible to ...

Gay News

Advocates support health-education bill for public schools 2020-02-26 - At a press conference, Wednesday, Feb. 26, a group of advocates announce their support for the Responsible Education for Adolescent and Children's Health ...

Gay News

WORLD Bollywood film, UK employers, assault, Rainbow Railroad 2020-02-25 - The India film capital of Bollywood is releasing its first major romantic comedy with a lead gay character, noted. Shubh Mangal Zyada ...

Gay News

Ndegeocello, Chin at MCA March 6 2020-02-23 - Musician Meshell Ndegeocello and spoken-word artist Staceyann Chin will be featured at the Museum of Contemporary Art's Edlis Neeson Theater on Friday, March ...

Gay News

NUNN ON ONE MUSIC The portrait of Dorian Electra 2020-02-22 - Dorian Electra is part of a whole new wave of artists currently changing the game. Being gender-fluid has influenced their work in ...

Gay News

Red Stars announce preseason schedule 2020-02-22 - The Chicago Red Stars announced its 2020 preseason schedule. The team will face the University of Wisconsin at Breese Stevens Field on ...

Gay News

'...Love Is Queer to Stay' throughout Feb. 2020-02-19 - The Laughing Stock Theatre production The Masquerade; Or, Love Is Queer to Stay presents a queer spin on classical tropes, and will run ...


Copyright © 2020 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.







About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.