Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2020-06-24
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News  Entertainment Features Donate Bars & Clubs Calendar Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor

  EN LA VIDA

Por Lo Que Soy
by Raven Rodriguez
2003-02-01

facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


It had to happen. You know when the water is THAT calm you can always bet that it can only mean some demon snake is just below the surface ready to thrash about and wreak havoc in an otherwise quiet pond, scaring the locals stupid. It just had to happen.

And it happened just like it does in the movies. Even though the calm was eerie and unnatural, I still decided to take a swim. Meanwhile, my subconscious stood in the back of the theater screaming, 'You MORON! Don't go in the water!' I should have listened.

For reasons probably any semi-functional Latina/o can understand (the careful cultivation and evolution of guilt into this fierce conglomerate able to bend the knee of the world's most jacked up Vin Diesel), one day last month while picking my baby sister up from that lady's house to take her to mine for a visit, I decided to dive into the hellhole I swore 'Never AGAIN'. I sat in front of that lady's house and wondered if it wasn't yet time to put all this bullshit behind us. I blame the sun that was shining all too brightly in my eyes.

As I stepped out of my car and started up that lady's front steps, I could actually hear the scary background music start to play. Slow at first and it even made me hesitate, slow my roll and I thought maybe this wasn't a good idea. The forest was quiet … TOO quiet and the calm in my pond was unnatural. But just as in the movies, I ultimately failed to listen to my gut and proceeded up those steps to ring the doorbell.

My intentions had been to speak to my sister, the one who started this whole thing. You remember? The one who was (is) dating the ex-con, her baby's daddy who beats her? I had been really close to her and despite everything, I felt that perhaps having been a mother for over a year now would have changed her views a little.

I never made it to my sister. The moment I walked in THAT LADY attacked me at the door. My pond no longer calm and serene, just chaotic with the thrashing of this venomous creature's tongue. Her first wave was that of accusation, that I was keeping her grandchildren from her for nothing more than personal vendetta, and that, ultimately, all of this, this entire issue between my family and I was all my wife's fault.

I could see her slimy meandering body coming at me and just like in the movies, I tried to run but fell over the branches of her outbursts. She spat accusations of replacing my love for her with a love for a woman that was poisoning my mind against the family. I could feel her anger and bitterness snake itself around my legs, pulling me under. Before I knew it I was pulled back into the same old arguments, the same old squabbles, the same old shit. Soon I too was thrashing about my once quiet little pond and felt as angry and resentful as I had before. She accused me of inflicting the same pain on my oldest daughter that I had accused her of inflicting on me. She accused me of neglecting my oldest for my wife and the daughter we had together. She accused me of being just like her.

Then, in the middle of her threats of finding a way to see her grandchildren and getting around my vicious evil brainwashed insanity, I realized something. This had been the second time I had come into this house since I had decided to sever the ties with this family and both times I had ended up in this same fight. But not once, regardless of how much that lady was trying to hide the fact that, as always, this was about her and no one else, did she ever stop to ask me how my girls were doing. And I suddenly stopped yelling and just listened.

And as clear as the day I realized my mother could not beat me anymore, I stared down at this little angry ball of resentment and realized that I would now be completely free and able to hang the sign 'Guilt Don't Live Here No More' on my door. What I was doing, I was doing for the good of my children. What she was doing, she was doing for the sake of being right, of making me feel that I was as fallible, if not more so, as she. And as easily as I had allowed myself to slip under the muddy waters, I stood up to realize that the pond was only knee-deep.

I didn't even bother to say a word. I simply walked out with a renewed sense of conviction. I knew that this was not the environment I wanted my daughters to grow up in. I knew that going back to that house was little more than a distraction and a complete waste of time. I heard my mother yelling out after me, something about this not being the end. I smiled at my baby sister, got in the car … and I went home.


facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

COVID-19 Survivor doctor denied as a blood donor because of his sexual orientation 2020-07-04 - Dr. Dillon Barron, MD, is in the business of saving lives. At Saint Francis Hospital in Evanston, he as an emergency medicine doctor ...


Gay News

Chicago Sky hosts 'Unapologetically You' Pride virtual panel 2020-07-02 - In honor of Pride month, the Chicago Sky held a virtual panel "Being Unapologetically You" June 23 focused on success stories from three ...


Gay News

Rev. Stan Sloan to leave Family Equality 2020-06-30 - The Rev. Stan Sloan—who, at one time, led the local organization Chicago House—will step down as CEO of the national group Family Equality ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Athlete/ex-servicemember dies, Stonewall Inn, Pride attendees arrested 2020-06-29 - Angela Madsen—a member of the LGBTQ community whose remarkable life included a spell in the Marines, several medals ( including a bronze in ...


Gay News

Pro-LGBTQ groups respond to SCOTUS ruling on Louisiana abortion law 2020-06-29 - On June 29, the U.S. Supreme Court (SCOTUS) ruled five to four (with Chief Justice John Roberts siding with the liberal contingent) to ...


Gay News

'Magic Parlour at Home' during July 2020-06-28 - Magician Dennis Watkins is taking his experience The Magic Parlour online for a completely new virtual offering dubbed "The Magic Parlour at Home." ...


Gay News

Radical LGBTQ Pride March Today Replaces Corporate Parade (PRESS RELEASE) 2020-06-28 - LGBTQ activists have seized on the opportunity posed by the cancellation of Chicago's commercialized Pride Parade to launch a truly community-driven march beginning ...


Gay News

LETTER: The U.S. Census important to LGBTQ community political, economic power 2020-06-27 - We've all seen the messaging about the Census and many of us might just wonder whether completing it truly makes a difference. ...


Gay News

Food Center sign registers BLM support 2020-06-26 - Longtime activist Lori Cannon stands in front of a sign in support of Black Lives Matter that hung at North Side Food Center ...


Gay News

Mapping the Gay Guides project plots queer spaces, launches digital map 2020-06-26 - When Eric Gonzaba travels across the United States, he often wonders about the history of the places he passes through — specifically, their ...


 



Copyright © 2020 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor


 



About WCMG Publications News  Entertainment Features Donate Bars & Clubs Calendar Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.