For Maria Pahl, her aha moment came as a sophomore at the University of Michigan
She had been working diligently for months to lose weight and the final week of that stretch—when she had been running mile upon mile upon mile, and eating not much more than lettuce and soup broth—she realized the weight was not disappearing, despite her rigorous efforts.
She was exhausted, hungry and ill.
"I finally just thought to myself, 'This isn't healthy; this isn't good. Why do people do this to themselves? Why does society tell us that we have to do this to ourselves?'" Pahl said. "That was a turning point for me and I just said, screw this; I'm going to be who I am, look how I look; I'm going to live my life as I see fit. My health is between me and my doctor, and if anyone else feels like they have the right to say something just because of how I look, they're an idiot quite frankly and they should go get a life and go do their own thing, stop worrying so much about how I look."
She loved herself then, and still today.
And now it seems everyone loves the admitted big girl—she is the 2013 Windy City Gay Idol champion, a title she claimed June 26. Windy City Times has sponsored a Gay Idol contest for 11 seasons.
"If I can do anything to help other people, know that you don't have to kill yourself because of what you think you should look like, or what society thinks you should look like; be happy for you," Pahl said. "I'm really, really happy to represent the big girls. Body positivity is a huge thing for me. If there's anything I can do with any sort of platform that I have, I want to tell everyone that your body is OK, you're OK, you look beautiful, no matter what society might tell you, no matter if your family or friends may try to shame you. You can be gorgeous, no matter how big you are. You deserve respect, regardless if you're super healthy or if you're eating Doritos every day.
"I've been a big girl my whole life. I've always been a chubby girl. I've always been bigger than all of my other friends. I've run the gamut of diets [that I've tried], including [excessive] running and starving myself. But no matter what I did [to lose weight], I still was considered fat by society's standards.
"People kill themselves to try to look thinner. And even if you're too thin people pass judgments on you. I think it's a real negative thing that we just need to accept everyone, no matter what they look like—and that you are so much more than your body, and that you are so much more than just how you look."
Pahl, 26, who lives in Lincoln Park, is originally from Midland, Mich., moving to Chicago about three years ago. She graduated from law school in May and is now studying for the bar exam at the end of July. Pahl is queer and has mostly dated women, "but I try to keep an open mind," about potential dates.
Her singing shined at the finals, held at Mayne Stage, capturing the annual honor.
"If they aren't going to listen to you just because of how you look, then they are the ones missing out," Pahl said. "I think owning yourself, owning who you are is a huge thing. I say that I'm fat because it's a physical description. It should not be, or have, a negative connotation. People often reply, 'You're pretty,' to which I reply, 'Why can't I be pretty and fat?'
"You have to own yourself, own your identity.
"Someone once told me that you should live your life like you're cast in a movie, and don't ever spend screen time or hire actors who are going to add negativity to your life's movie. Cut those scenes.
"You can do whatever you want, whatever you put your mind to."
Pahl said she was "blown away" to win Windy City Gay Idol. "It's been incredible, a whirlwind these past couple of days." She's received hundreds of messages from friends and family, many wondering why she went to law school and not just directly into performance. "It's been a mind-blowing experience, pretty crazy," she said.
Pahl said she received a post-Idol message from a college friend, who said her singing made her cry.
"I was really honored to just share the stage with all of the other amazing competitors," she said. "The thing I really love about Gay Idol is that all of the competitors are really positive, supportive of one another. Everyone wants everyone else to do well; there's no negativity [among competitors]. All of the other competitors were fun, talented. It was just a privilege to perform with them, and have the whole backstage experience with them."
Pahl shared her winning moment with her parents, Liz and Tom, who came to town from Michigan.
"Both were really proud and really excited to have been there. That was very special," said Pahl, who has five siblings. "Overall, it was just a big outpouring of positive energy, and congratulations—from family and friends."
Pahl competed in Gay Idol in 2012 and said the difference this year was her song selection and the competition.
"This year, I stuck with songs that were more my forte; that might have played into [my victory]," she said.
Pahl said Adele is her current favorite singer and The Gossip is her favorite band.
"I still don't know if winning has hit me yet. It's still kind of weird," she said. "When they called my name [as the winner], it was just like this relief that washed over me. It was like an out-of-body experience, kind of crazy. To have had so many people—family, friends and other competitors—hugging me on stage was a crazy emotional high. I'm still not sure [the win] has been fully processed, yet. I'm in the process of processing it."
Windy City Gay Idol 2nd place winner in the audience-judged competition was Timmy Willy and 3rd place was Jonathan Smallwood. The two men are also partners. The finals of the competition were held at Mayne Stage in Rogers Park, for the first time. Creaoke did is music magic, and special guest singers were De'Borah, Levi Kreis and JDA. Hosts were Amy Matheny and Sofia Saffire. Promotions director Scott Duff coordinated the events at all of the LGBT bars and the Mayne Stage finals.
The concert, in its 11th season, is sponsored by Windy City Media Group (Windy City Times, Nightspots), with Smirnoff, Kettle One Vodka, Don Julio, Tangueray, Tourism Toronto, Ravinia, Broadway in Chicago, Creaoke, Mini of Chicago (great Mini Cooper was outside the show), Speedpro Imaging, and American Airlines.
Also see videos of the finals at www.youtube.com/windycitytimes .
And see original Idol coverage of the win here: www.windycitymediagroup.com/lgbt/Maria-Pahl-wins-Windy-City-Gay-Idol-2013/43484.html .
