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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Our Fifth Annual Pride Literary Supplement (Page Four)
2008-06-25

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My Imaginary Cock, by Laura Madeline Wiseman

First, my imaginary cock abstains from personal hygiene.

I leave lotion by the sink, but my cock prefers to fester.

My cock throws out the floss, toothpaste and rinse.

I buy sacks of peppermints and arrange them on platters.

Mildew and dust collect in the shower, tub and commode.

I clean the bathroom in gloves. All this, my cock ignores.

Then, my imaginary cock renounces the neighborhood norms.

My cock works on the car and blasts public radio past three.

My cock stores old appliances on the lawn by the gnomes.

I implore my cock to mow over the violets and dandelions,

but it's like I'm talking to myself. Trick-or-treaters knock.

My cock refuses to answer the door. The suckers go untouched.

Third, my imaginary cock ignores the laws of the streets

and declines to signal lane changes, turns or stops.

My cock drives on both sides of the solid yellow line.

Please, I say, some rules are created for a reason.

My cock studies the scenery as the odometer climbs.

I squeeze my imaginary cock as we hit a pair of doves.

Finally, my imaginary cock chooses to be socially inept.

At meetings my cock moans for a full seven minutes.

My cock chats on the cell phone at the restroom urinal.

During polite lunchroom conversation my cock sings.

My cock allows inner thoughts to become outer thoughts.

I need to get laid, my cock says, 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!'

When my officemate asks, 'How are you?' my cock unloads.

I grab my cock and excuse myself from the office.

In the car I say, I love you, and turn the key to the ignition.

I try again, Tell me what's wrong, but the only sound is me.

Laura Madeline Wiseman is writing her dissertation in Nebraska.

Dahling, By Wayne Crawford

His friends call him Dahlink or Dahling.

His only friends. All of them. Artists.

They alone love

decorative lamps, foot stools, paisley tears, flower

vases, off

-white walls, tall

men with large

eyes and black

beards. They alone

shine, live under

spotlights, in front of stagelights—olaf

john don harry

rosalina alice

meghan euclaire

find everything—magnifico

( some ministers would bar them from places of worship

fearful the flash of their smiles might outshine the star

of bethlehem

or david )

bette barbra

cher — impersonators

drinking wine rum whiskey

collapsing over sofas

beds bodies

someone always sighing

someone always snapping

get up girl you're not judy

you're not even liza.

Wayne Crawford, born and raised in Illinois, a former Chicagoan, is a poet who lives in Las Cruces, N.M. He edits the online literary journal Lunarosity and co-manages the annual anthology Sin Fronteras: Writers Without Borders.

I Want To Eat Chinese Food Off Your Ass, By Shane Allison

You know what?

You know what I want to do?

I want to eat chicken chow mein off yr ass

I want you naked on a six-foot platter with roast pork

Chow mein served on your ass.

I want chicken with black bean sauce, and I want it off your ass.

Fried chicken nuggets with broccoli eat it off your ass.

I want to eat Double Delight Baby Shrimp off your ass.

I want to flick little green peas out of the crevice of your ass.

Diced chicken with cashew nuts on your butt.

I want to know what a barbecue spare rib tastes like eaten off your ass.

That, and sautéed shredded beef sautéed on your ass.

I want to eat sweet and sour pork off that ass.

Moo Go Gai Pan off that ass.

Mongolian beef off that ass.

Honey garlic chicken, egg foo young off your ass is what

I want to eat.

Can I eat fried dumplings off your booty?

I will not take 'Hell, no' for an answer.

Can I lube your bubble butt up with duck sauce and lick it off?

I love egg rolls, but the thought of an egg roll

sticking from your ass, really sends me.

I like fantail shrimp and teriyaki beef as much as the

next Chinese food connoisseur, but the thought of

eating them off your bum sends shock waves through my taste buds, my love.

So how about it?

Can I eat cold noodles off your butt?

How about soy bean cake and chicken with oyster sauce?

Can I eat shrimp with snow peas off your buns?

Shrimp with broccoli off your ass.

Eating shrimp with peppers and tomatoes off your ass.

Eating butterfly shrimp off that ass.

Vegetables egg foo young and roast pork egg foo young off your glutes.

Chicken egg foo young and shrimp egg foo young

Off your hind end.

I want your ass, but only if I can eat orange beef off that ass.

I wonder how subgum wonton tastes eaten off your ass?

I will do anything to find out.

Shane Allison is the editor of Hot Cops: Gay Erotic Tales and Backdraft: Fireman Erotica.


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