Life has gotten topsy-turvy for country star Ty Herndon—but he wouldn't have it any other way.
Recently, Herndon ( who has had almost 20 hits on the country-music charts ) came out of the closet. However, he says he's had an overwhelmingly positive response to the revelation.
In a conversation with Windy City Times, an earnest Herndon, 52, talked about inspirational speaker Anthony Robbins, his ex-wives ( who knew he was gay ) and Billy Gilman ( another country singer, who came out the same day Herndon did ).
Windy City Times: Sometimes I ask celebrities "What's new?"—but I think a lot of us know that regarding you.
Ty Herndon: [Laughs] This is true.
WCT: I read that you had an epiphany [related to coming out] while attending an Anthony Robbins lecture. Is this true?
Ty Herndon: A Yes—and it was in Chicago in 2009. My partner, Matt, and I had been together for about a year, and he's a big Anthony Robbins supporter. Matt gave me a trip for Christmas; we went and it was amazing. Of course, we came a few days early because we both love your city very much.
The seminar changed my life. I'm a very faith-filled person, anyway, but I didn't expect it to be such a faith-filled organization. It was way past time to be authentic, and there were a lot of people suffering from the same thing I put myself through. I felt I should take the journey.
WCT: So who was the very first person you came out to?
Ty Herndon: Well, we'd have to go way back. I struggled with being gay my entire career. I knew I was gay when I was 10 years old, but I no one to talk to back then. I have a magical, affirming and awesome family, but I knew no one who was gay—although, looking back, I can now see people who were.
The first person I was ever brave enough to tell I was gay to was my sister; she kept my secret for a long time. Then, I came out to my mom; I was 19.
WCT: And how did she react?
Ty Herndon: She cried, gave me a big hug. At first, I thought the tears meant she was disappointed and sad—but her tears were about her love for me because I chose to be in a profession that was not so affirming about that subject. She said, "I just want you to have a happy life, and this path is going to be hard." That's what her tears were about—I was actually happy to hear that.
I wish it could go that well all the time. I know that's just one great story out of thousands that don't go so well.
WCT: One of the amazing things is that your ex-wives knew you were gay.
Ty Herndon: [Chuckles] Yes; thank goodness I called them and let them in on what I was about to do. Those ladies are graceful, beautiful people, and they were miracles in my life because they were willing to walk down this path with me. It [related] to what my mom was afraid of, so I went to some great extremes. It's kind of crazy because you walk into that room and even though they did know... My second wife, Renee, still has my last name and is still in my family. It runs a lot deeper than just doing you a favor. It's very important that people know that.
WCT: Yeah—doing a favor usually involves something like loaning someone 10 bucks.
Ty Herndon: [Laughs] Yeah, exactly.
With Renee, we were going to do this for about a year. I had just gotten my record deal, and you can imagine how scarring that was. I was determined to [succeed in country music] because I had talent and I wanted to do it—so I went to extremes. I made a lot of bad choices along the way, but those are my mistakes and I certainly take responsibility for those. At the end of the day, God bless the broken road that led me here today because it's part of the fabric of my story.
WCT: You and I both know that we live in a very cynical world. Some people have said that you came out solely to boost album sales. What's your response to them?
Ty Herndon: Well, you have to expect that. I'm not the first person to come out; my friend Chely Wright did this almost seven years ago, when I believe it was a lot harder. She paved the way for people like myself, Billy Gilman and some of those awesome songwriters in Nashville.
This has been a five-year plan; it was not a decision that was made overnight. To be honest with you, until I came out was the first time we even talked about a new album. There have been at least 135 kids this year alone between 10 and 14 who have come out—and it didn't go so well and they ended up killing themselves. The statistics were just blowing my mind. One is too many. Just [last week,] a 12-year-old just killed himself over his sexuality. [Editor's note: Herndon was referring to 12-year-old Ronin Shimizu, a former sixth-grader enrolled at Folsom Middle School in California, recently committed suicide after schoolmates had reportedly bullied him for being a cheerleader.]
So people say I did this for my career? Chely Wright and I would both say, "Come walk a mile in my shoes over the next year of our lives and tell us that."
I still have to make a living. I walked out to perform to a crowd just last night—and they came to their feet when I walked out. Man, that's still killing me; I came to tears. I told them, "You have to let me do my job or I'm just gonna cry." There's a certain amount of love and support that's blown my mind.
There are always gonna be naysayers. There's not a whole lot you can do about that.
I was in Costco and strangers came up to me, hugging me and telling me about their gay [relatives]. I mean, people are making me cry right there in the grocery store. My aunt said that people were coming up to her in church and giving her hugs; she said, "I felt like one of my kids got married." So far the path has been positive, and I've been grateful for that.
WCT: You did mention Billy Gilman. Have you had a chance to talk with him?
Ty Herndon: Oh, absolutely. We were on the same label, Sony, when he was 12. I've known him practically his entire life. We lost touch for a while and then last year I touched base with him; he was really struggling with a lot of the same things that Chely and I were struggling with. I'm so happy he was brave enough to do that YouTube video [in which he came out] and push that button. I was honored he chose to take this ride with me; he's a little brother and our team has been working with him and Chely, forming a coalition that's sending positive vibes throughout Nashville and through the world: "We're here, we're country singers and we're still gonna be doing what we do."
When I did the entertainment piece with [Entertainment Tonight's] Nischelle [Turner], I asked, "Would you hold my hand for a minute?" She said, "Sure." I asked, "Do I feel any different?" She said, "You feel a little light and a little happy, but you mostly feel a little nervous and a little clammy." [Both laugh.]
WCT: You will be touring with two other artists.
Ty Herndon: Yes; I'm currently on a solo tour. I'll be touring with Andy Griggs and Jamie O'Neal next year. I hope to play Chicago; it's been seven years since I've played there. I can't wait because it truly is one of my favorite cities. Matt and I have been there probably seven times as a weekend getaway.
With Andy and Jamie, it's been such an odd friendship and we've known each other for years. Jamie is the beautiful blonde diva—except, if I'm in a bad mood, I'll be the diva. [Interviewer laughs.] Andy is this amazing, big-hearted redneck who's so knowledgeable about thing and is such an affirming guy. I'm just a redneck boy from Alabama who happens to be gay; I came out to these guys a long time ago and we give each other a hard time. We have such an awesome friendship; we just finished three songs in a studio and we have a single coming out in January.
WCT: Do you have any advice for performers, actors, musicians, etc., who may be in the closet?
Ty Herndon: I can only speak from my heart and what it's been like for me. When I walked out on the stage [before coming out], the only thing that made me authentic was the music. The minute I opened my mouth to speak, the camaraderie with the audience was all made up. There was nothing truthful about it, and it held me down for so long—it was such a true oppression for me.
The first thing I noticed in the four shows I've done since coming out is that there's a different person walking out on that stage. A lady looked at me last night and said, "Your eyeballs are shiny." [Both laugh.] It's the authenticity of being able to be yourself through good times, though bad times—through all of it. This has been a hard journey.
In Billboard, Chris Willman wrote the headline "Hell Yes [It's a Big Deal]." It matters if you come out, no matter what you're doing in this world. It's important for people to see the truth in a person. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to do that. I feel sad about that, but I'm going to put that aside and celebrate now. I'm going to work with young kids and older people who need help being authentic so they can live perfectly happy lives.
WCT: On a totally different note, I couldn't believe your age when I heard it. You look 35.
Ty Herndon: Andrew, you're my new best friend. [Both laugh.] My mom looks great; she's 72. She's talking about taking care of herself. I say, "I'm taking care of myself. I think God's preserving me for something. I think the rubber band's gonna break and it's all gonna fall." [Laughs]
Find out more about Ty Herndon at tyherndon.info/ .
