Windy City Media Group Frontpage News
Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2018-04-18
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage

Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

'Lawfully Wedded Husband' traces couple's journey to the altar
by Charlsie Dewey
2013-11-06

facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


The gay-marriage landscape has changed drastically from when Joel Derfner first became engaged and began writing his newest book, Lawfully Wedded Husband: How Gay Marriage Will Save the American Family.

Still, he said, until all 50 states allow same-sex marriage, the book will find readers who can relate as well as many who can share in the stories he tells because they've had a similar experience getting to the alter.

In addition to tracing the changing political landscape around gay marriage the book also looks at the many other questions that Derfner contemplated along the journey.

"It's probably half-memoir and half, call it, exploration," he said. "Marriage is essentially the spine of the book, but there are a lot of things I talk about whose relationship to marriage isn't immediately clear. There is a chapter in which I spend a lot of time talking about racism in the gay community, which I think is a serious and incredibly disappointing problem."

The book also includes an account of Derfner's experience of having his future in-laws move in so that his partner's father could die in their home as well as Derfner's experience on the reality show Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys.

"Basically, my boyfriend said, 'Hey could my parents move in so my dad can die in your office?' What, I'm going to say, no?" he said, pointing out that that is what marriage is about.

Derfner explores the difference of having to have, essentially, two weddings. The couple legally married in Iowa, but held their reception in New York.

"I really was very upset about the idea of these two weddings and what I came to was the realization that a wedding really is two things and for straight people those things can be combined into one," he said. "You have a ceremony, you get your friends together, you say your vows and then you sign a piece of paper.

"For us, because New York at the time didn't have marriage equality, those two things had to be separated. So I think one thing that is interesting in the book is people talking about how marriage is two different things, there is an emotional side to it and a legal side to it, and those have two sets of different ramifications."

The importance of being able to become a family is another topic Derfner broaches in the book.

"America in the 21st century, the only way to become a family is to marry, and by forbidding us to marry what they really want is to forbid us from forming families, and eventually the right to marry will force the country to admit that we can make families and that we are families," he said.

Derfner said that marriage hasn't changed the way he feels when he and his husband are at home, but when they are out in the world it does.

"I talk a little in the book about how what I came to was an understanding that marriage isn't about the relationship between two people; it's about the relationship between a couple and society," he said.

He noted that it was nice to be writing the book as more and more states were allowing marriage equality.

"I feel like once Massachusetts gained marriage equality in 2004 the battle was over," he said. "We'd won and it was just sort of a question of it playing itself out in all the states and in the government. We are going to have full marriage equality in this country in my lifetime. In an odd way it felt good to be writing a book about being on the winning side."


facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

"Defining Aging for Ourselves" Book Reading, Discussion April 26 2018-04-20 - ( Chicago, April 13, 2018 ): Howard Brown Health on Thursday, April 26, 6 p.m., will present a book reading and community ...


Gay News

BOOKS Nina Packenbush talks 'Girls Like Me' 2018-04-18 - Nina Packebush's first novel, Girls Like Me, breaks new ground with the story of a pregnant queer teenager, Banjo. Recently named as a ...


Gay News

BOOKS In 'Red As Blue,' Ji Strangeway creates universe of possibilities 2018-04-18 - Ji Strangeway describes the 1980s in Denver as the "dark ages," explaining that she grew up surrounded by evangelical-sponsored billboards filled with messages ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Poet J.D. McClatchy passes away at 72 2018-04-17 - J.D. "Sandy" McClatchy, the acclaimed poet at literary critic, died April 10 at his home in Manhattan following a long battle with cancer. ...


Gay News

LGBT journalist Ronan Farrow wins Pulitzer 2018-04-17 - Journalist Ronan Farrow—who recently came out as a member of the LGBT community at the Point Foundation event Point Honors New York—was among ...


Gay News

No Straight Lines: The Story of Queer Comics launches fundraising 2018-04-13 - April 9, 2018, Berkeley, CA — Today, filmmaker Vivian Kleiman and comics artist and advocate Justin Hall announced that their feature-length documentary film, ...


Gay News

Five Worth Finding, books, Phluid Project, restaurants 2018-04-11 - —Given Up for You: In this honest memoir from University of Wisconsin Press, Erin O. White shares her hunger for love—both religious and ...


Gay News

New Equal Rights Amendment Coloring Book educates on women's rights laws 2018-04-10 - Copies of Equal: An Activity Book were hand-delivered to each member of the Illinois General Assembly on Equal Pay Day ( April 10 ...


Gay News

Comics Expo attracts tens of thousands to Chicago 2018-04-07 - The cosplay and fan favorites were ever-present at the jam-packed Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo, C2E2, April 6-8 at McCormick Place. Among the ...


Gay News

WC&F events include Lahti, Richards, Axelrod 2018-04-04 - Andersonville bookstore Women & Children First, 5233 N. Clark St., is hosting a variety of events in March and April. Among them: —Thursday, ...


 



Copyright © 2018 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS

Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Sponsor

About WCMG Publications News Index  Entertainment Features Bars & Clubs Calendar Videos Advertisers OUT! Guide    Marriage


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Subscriptions      Distribution      Windy City Queercast     
Queercast Archives      Advertising  Rates      Deadlines      Advanced Search     
Press  Releases      Event Photos      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Post an Event      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Blogs      Spotlight  Video     
Classifieds      Real Estate      Place a  Classified     

Windy City Media Group produces Windy City Queercast, & publishes Windy City Times,
The Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community,
Nightspots, Out! Resource Guide, and Identity.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.