With the national media attention that recently zeroed in Palatine's Township School District 211 after the board found itself at odds with the US Board of Education over the school's treatment of a student who simply wished to use the locker room in accordance with her gender identity, one could be forgiven for assuming that student transgender and gender nonconforming issues would be the last thing K-12 educators, administrators and their colleagues would want to discuss let alone receive a full-day's comprehensive education about.
Such assumptions were invalidated in a dramatic fashion by the more than 200 teachers, counselors, administrators, medical professionals and community agencies who made the journey to McHenry County College in Crystal Lake, Illinois, on Feb. 19 for "Supporting Our Transgender Students" presented by the Regional Office of Education, McHenry County College and PFLAG McHenry.
A single half-day seminar was increased to two sessions in order to accommodate the numbers of educators who wanted to attend.
The president of the PFLAG Council of Northern Illinois Toni Weaver served as the mistress of ceremonies and timekeeper for the presenters—360 Youth Services Transitional Housing Program Manager Carolyn Wahlskog, MSW, LSW, Illinois Safe Schools Alliance Policy and Advocacy Director Owen Daniel-McCarter and Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago Program Manager Jennifer Leininger.
Weaver had a challenging job.
Not only were Wahlskog, Daniel-McCarter and Leininger attempting to squeeze a colossal amount of information into each of their presentations on Current Trends in Supporting LGFBTQ+ Youth, Legal Protections for Trans Youth and Beyond the Gender Binary: Supporting Trans and Gender Nonconforming Students respectively, but they fielded questions from an enthusiastic audience that would have continued well into the evening had their not been a time limit.
"If you've worked with a transgender student, you are so lucky," Leininger said. "They are such great, young people."
"Why do we segregate populations of gender?" Daniel-McCarter challenged the audience. "Sometimes we don't even realize how deeply and profoundly embedded that is in our institutions."
By example, he noted that many school districts he meets with have no written policy on bathroom usage whether it's inclusive or not.
One clear portrait that began to take shape over the course of the presentations was that, while problems rarely arise with a continually growing number of students who are accepting of their transgender classmates, issues like District 211 and other occasions where a school board has received push-back or reversed a once inclusive transgender policy are primarily driven by outraged parents.
By contrast, nothing could have provided a more powerful illustration of the overwhelming difference supportive parents can make in the life of a transgender child than the six PFLAG moms and dads who closed the morning session talking with both candor and emotion about acceptance of their trans and gender nonconforming kids, the challenges they faced in coming to terms with that acceptance and the unanimously positive results which occurred when they did.
In respect of their privacy, each has been given an alias.
Rose is the mom of a transgender girl who came out at the age of 27. "I was devastated. I didn't know what it meant," Rose said. "But then I saw her. My child. It didn't matter to me. When my child was in high school, I could not figure out why she would skip gym and why I would have to drive her every Saturday morning for detention. It didn't click that she was just not comfortable."
Martha has three sons, one of whom is transgender. He came out at 12 via a Skype message.
"I have looked back and realized that one of my biggest concerns was that I did not know anyone who was openly transgender," Martha said. "There was never a question of how I would support my son, but of details. I cannot imagine my child ever being a risk to someone else in a locker room situation. I think that my child is more at risk than anyone else simply because of who he is."
Donna's child began to develop as a male from the age of two. "I began hearing 'mom I'm really a boy,'" Donna said. "We pretty much followed his lead. We are very fortunate to be in a school district that's very open minded, that supported us and allowed our child to be who he is. The parents who come out and say they're for privacy and protecting their children: it's really their own issues they're concerned about. School is supposed to be a place where kids can learn, feel safe and loved. If that's absent, we are robbing them of their education."
Clara was speaking for the first time publicly about her 7-year-old transgender daughter. "She is the most beautiful child," Clara said and added that there was already a marked difference in behavior when she was open to her daughter wearing a dress to a party. "She was so happy. I'd never seen her so engaged. The school called us in and inundated us with information. They helped tremendously. My husband and I were struggling with it. Her brother didn't. She is a wonderful, intelligent, confident child. To watch her and be with her friends and enjoy this has been the most rewarding experience. Having a transgender child makes you see the world without judgement."
Amy and Rory are the parents of three children. Their 17-year-old is transgender. "She never fit in to all the boxes. She was always herself," Amy said trying to control her tears.
Rory found out about his daughter via Facebook.
"I am the quintessential reluctant ally," he acknowledged. "We didn't know what to do. We didn't know what to make of it. We put all these social constructs on ourselves. It was really a journey for me to challenge all of those constructs and understanding what's important here. Is it important what [the neighbor] across the street thinks, or is it important to look to the stability of the person I am charged with rearing?"
