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  BLACKLINES

GURRRLolgy, Reflecting Back and Ahead
by Vicky Nabors
2004-01-01

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Wow! The years seem to be flying by! A New Year is upon us, and it's time to be thankful that we made it over ( you know what I mean, common Saints ) , because some, unfortunately, did not. So, if you're reading this, it means that you've survived to live, love, laugh, cry, get pissed off, and feel fear for yet another year. Congratulations!

New adventures await all of us in 2004, both good and bad; our reality is that we must face them all in order to keep moving forward. The most difficult of each new challenge that we face are those pesky unknown situations that pop into our lives without warning. Still, it's called living ya'll —plain and simple.

Now, some of you are into the New Year's resolution thing, while others avoid the practice. And then, there are those anti-New Year's folks who just keep moving like nothing special has occurred. Hey! Whatever floats your boat. I don't make resolutions either. Instead, I continue to focus on my life journey towards discovering all that I am and can be. So, I spend this time of the year thinking about ways to do just that. This column is one area that I analyze, at this time, because it represents me. Speaking of this column, I've seen a great change in the amount of feedback that has resulted from my last few articles.

Over the past five years, my columns have focused on education, self, spirituality and thought-provoking topics. Recently, however, I began to explore the deeper parts of Black lesbian culture, which included labels ( stud—femme ) , as well as lesbian sex and sexuality. As mentioned, my feedback increased dramatically when I began to discuss these topics. I'd like to share some with you.

From the 'Sex' article, a reader writes, 'I picked up my first copy of BLACKlines last night, and I read your article. It was intriguing. I must tell you that after reading the 1st couple of paragraphs, I was more than just a bit turned on.'

From the 'Mystery of the Strap' article two readers write: 'I'm a fem who retrieved my ex's [ strap ] from the trash after a big blow-out argument. That was years ago, but sometimes I put it to good use just walking around the house in it.' 'I've been reading the message board for a minute ... and this was the first poetic sense of self-reflection I've heard [ the strap ] . Keep it coming.' This one comes from the 'Men / Mars, Wimyn / Venus, and 'Butch/Studs are from Pluto' article, 'I just wanted to thank you for finally helping me get my point across to her about [ me ] being a stud. My girlfriend e-mailed it [ this article ] to me and I thought that it was so true and I support it 150% because she always tries to understand things from my [ stud ] point of view, I always tell her that she would never understand.'

As you can see, these articles really generated a wide variety of interest. So what does this say to me? Well, from your feedback, it's clear that many of you want to continue talking about taboo topics ( sex ) and controversial lesbian topics and behaviors that directly affect the core of who we are.

I've also received feedback from sistahs wanting to discuss issues of bisexuality, large age gaps in relationships, lesbian relationships and marriage, moving in with a lover, boxers and sports bras or Victoria Secret, deep-throat kissing versus light brushes of the lip. And one that really made me squirm, 'Why can't two butch/stud wimyn be together in a relationship?' That question amazes me because it always comes from non-studs; they just don't get it!

So, for 2004, I'll focus on these types of topics, feel free to send your ideas or concerns to me and I'll write something crazy for you.

Stay tuned gurls, it's bound to be a blast! Have a Blessed New Year and may your dreams and desires become a reality.

Send replies to

Vickyism@aol.com .

Vicky, along with your other favorite BLACKlines and En La Vida writers, will now be appearing in the new Identity glossy magazine, starting February 2004.


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