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F.Y.I.: Ask the Chat Daddy
by Chat Daddy

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Where Is the Love?

I often stop and remind myself that there is no greater thing than love. Webster defines love as: A strong affection for another. I beg to differ.

I feel we have gotten away from the honest, true values of love. Everywhere you look we are being sold the concept that sex is all you need to get by. We are being fed sex on a continuous basis from advertising, music, videos, movies and fashion to food. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, but we have lost ourselves in this 'Get it while we can' society.

In my past articles I have taught you how to deal with others and how to deal with matters of the heart. Now it's time to teach you that your love is truly your love, a real love. When was the last time you told yourself, I love myself? As weird as it seems, this is something we must do. This allows us to have freedom of and belief in ourselves. When was the last time you stopped and told someone that you loved them for no reason?

These are two examples and reasons why we should love more. Not a love bought with money, but a love given from the heart. One of my favorite quotes is 'I who has nothing but myself to give.' If you think about it, this is one simple yet powerful thing one can express to another. If we took away the material possessions and approached our relationships naked and uninhibited, could you imagine what type of chemistry we would generate? When a person gives unadulterated, genuine love, that's when you are on to something. Love is patient, kind, considerate, long-suffering, confident and free.

True intimacy isn't only about sex. Intimacy is being connected through shared contact in a variety of activities that's deep, moving and personal. I invite you to take the first step to love. In order to develop and bond with a mate, we must become more intimate with ourselves. The more you know about your needs and desires, the more honest you are about him or her. Learn to love more with no boundaries. I wish you Real Love and abundant blessings.

Now on to the mail bag ... .

Dear Chat Daddy:

I love reading your column ... . You are the man! I've got a problem I really need help with. I'm a 37-year-old brother dating a 25-year-old guy who is employed, smart, outgoing, giving and very friendly with all he meets. My best friend is also 37 years old, single, outgoing and has really great chemistry with my boyfriend. I'm starting to worry that he spends way too much time with us. My boyfriend loves for us all to hang out together ( movies, dinners, parties ) . How do I keep them separated without seeming possessive?

— Get A Man Of Your Own

Dear Get A Man Of Your Own:

You better stop playing with fire ... . You've got what every man wants—a good man. Talk about tricky. I think the Queen of Soul says it best ... 'Don't need nobody always sitting around me and my man.' Do you trust your man? That is the first question you need to ask yourself. Second question: Has your friend ever given you a reason not to trust him around men in general? It's really great when our friends get along with our mates. You and your mate need to spend more quality time together alone. A real relationship is between two people who love each other, not a threesome, unless that's the flavor of the relationship.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy:

I am in need of your help. I have weird sexual preoccupations. Chat Daddy, I love feet. Nothing turns me on more than feet. I love feet so much that I just got a job at Foot Locker just to be closer to more feet. I don't need intercourse as much as I like just playing with feet. Do I have a foot fetish or what, and how does it develop? Could this turn into a problem? Help me out.

— A Very Foot Forward Kind Of Guy

Dear A Very Foot Forward Brother:

You're a FREAK and you know it ... . No, Just kidding. Here's the naked truth: a fetish is an object or body part that a person must focus on to be sexually aroused. It can range from feet to underwear to leather. Usually a fetish takes root in childhood. A fetish is when you find something titillating. Most people feel uncomfortable or guilty about these feelings—you are now at the point where you are transferring your thoughts into action. You need to be careful. Most people may feel that their fetish tendencies are harmless, but I'm here to tell you that they may cause you trouble. If you can only become aroused by focusing on external objects, and not your partners, seek help my brother ... fast. You may want to see a sex therapist.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy:

I'm a 40-year-old male, in shape, outgoing, civic and socially involved in my community. I have been attending a very large church here in the city of Chicago. During my time at the church I met a gentleman who holds a very high position there. He's 52 years old, tall, handsome, has his own everything ( money, house, cars ) and has traveled. Everything a guy could want in a man. Here's the problem, Chat Daddy. When we first met we started off talking on the phone. Nice conversation ... we have a lot in common. One evening while visiting my house we became intimate. This was a big mistake. This man wants nothing but sex from me, which really bothers me because I want more than just that. I'm at a point now where I want to be loved and to give love. I want to cook dinner, travel, have a committed relationship and treat a man the way he wants to be treated. He has turned out to be one of the most immature men I've ever met. When we now speak, I suggest that we maybe do dinner or check out a movie. He quickly claims he is too tired or something, but before the conversation is over he wants to have sex. A really big nut in my book. It's to the point where when I go to church, I'm so turned off that I really don't enjoy the service because of him being there.

— Not Trying To Be The Preacher's Sex Pot

Dear Not Trying to Be The Preacher's Sex Pot:

What a mess! It's really sad to think you've found what you've thought to be a good man and he turned out to just want to get his freak on and you're not really feeling that. At some point in all our lives we get sick and tired of mindless sex. That's why so many people go celibate. It's a shame this man can't realize a good person when he sees one. You've got it going on ( job, car, home and community work ) ! You go boy, and you are still good in bed ( I'll be getting letters about you ) .

I applaud you for taking a stance on this issue. So many people will use you up and not care about your true feelings. I know you've heard this many times before, but a good, loving man will come your way.

Now, on the subject of you going to church; your relationship is with God and no one else, so go on to church and block out this man. Get your time in with God, because he is truly the one that will provide you with a good mate.

P. S. To Mr. High Power Church Man. Come on brother, you are to lead the flock, not play with them. You need to settle down and let your flesh calm down some before it gets you in trouble. I hope you are not sleeping around with a lot of people from this church, because loose lips will truly sink ships. OK Captain!

— Chat Daddy

Are you single, Tried of looking for love in all the wrong places? Please join me Sunday, May 29, 2005 as I host the Ultimate Dating Game. Come get hooked up for the summer ( looking for all single males and females ) . This event is hosted by The Men of the 'M' Experience, join Darrell Hill, Thayer Johnson, Charles Nelson, Sidney Thomas, Jermaine Young and myself in conjunction with Chicago Clubs, Promoters and their supporters for a Memorial Day Benefit & BBQ at Zentra, 923 W. Weed St. ( North Ave & Sheffield ) , 8 p.m. until Midnight, $10 All Night, 100% of profits are being donated to the WINDY CITY PRIDE 2005. For more information, please contact ( 773 ) 215-6835 or .

Until next time ... LOVE IS ... The Choice is truly yours. — Chat Daddy.

Please feel free to contact me at .

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