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FYI: Ask the Chat Daddy
by Chat Daddy
2005-03-01

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I'm back for another interesting and informative round of 'Ask The Chat Daddy!' Thank you for all the e-mails and letters on how much you enjoyed my premier column. Please keep the letters and e-mails coming because this column was designed to help you in any way possible. If you have a question, concern or comment let me know, I am here for you.

As the days get shorter and spring will eventually come forward, I have one question for you. How deep is your love? No I'm not talking about how much you can hold, take or handle, I'm talking about when was the last time you gave the type of love you want to receive. So many of us have become so run-of-the-mill type of lovers, that we don't take time to give the type of love that will net us beautiful returns in the end.

Love is unconditional. Love is something that many of us don't understand because we've never taken the proper time to fully love ourselves before we set out to love someone else. It's important that you develop a love of self so deep that no one can ever take away who you are and why. I wish for you a deeper more passionate love as the days go by. Now on to the mailbag!!

Dear Chat Daddy,

I'm a 38-year-old African-American male who is doing quite well for himself, physically, mentally and spiritually. Not saying that I'm perfect, but very proud of my accomplishments. I have been dating the same person for nine years. Many people may say 'Hooray' for me, but I am really torn and upset with the person I am dating. He is gay in every sense of the word, but he is not out with his friends, family and coworkers. This presents a huge problem because I am a very social person who enjoys doing things in the public but can't because my man is afraid to be seen or found out.

—Somebody Might See Us

Dear Somebody Might See Us,

This is a very touchy and delicate situation, but I'm about to set you and your man straight ( no pun intended ) . Your mate needs to learn and accept who he is, and what type of relationship he is in. He needs to stop fooling himself and everyone around him. If the two of you have been intimate for nine years in what I hope is a monogamous, safe relationship, then I'm sure this has you truly believing that it is a committed relationship. You need to sit down and question yourself first about what it is you want and need from this relationship and if you find it currently satisfying despite the current issues. You then need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with lover boy to see where he is, what he plans on doing and how soon. There is nothing worse than spending time with someone who can't be truthful and honest about whom they are and why. Move on and send brotha on his way because he is wasting your time! Real love is able to show the world how they feel about the one they love.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy,

I enjoyed reading your first column and feel that you are a great match for this magazine. I was a little hesitant to present my problem to you, but here I go. I have been living the life of a transgender ( male as a female ) for the last 20 years. I am admired and adored by many and have made plenty of money doing various performances as my character. I now am seriously thinking about dating women exclusively but I am so afraid that people will not take me seriously or will 'out' me to potential women that I want to date.

—Lost In Emotion

Dear Lost In Emotion,

People that we come in contact with often have to be weeded through and picked out just like flowers. People who are loving and supportive, you keep in your garden of friends. People who are negative and naysayers, you cut them down and smoke them up immediately. Everything in life must change. On a serious tip, you need to sit and reflect on who you are and what is your purpose in life. Twenty years of doing the same thing is really hard to change overnight, not that I would doubt that you want to make this change, we just need to make sure that you are able to live up to being an open, honest and loving mate to any woman that you happen to get with. And who knows you may be able to take some ordinary plain Jane and turn her into an absolutely sickening fabulous Diva overnight and she'll never think twice why her husband has such great makeup tips. So please be honest!!

—Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy,

My girlfriend and I have been together for six years now. We share a lovely apartment together in Evanston and although everything is going great in our relationship, she is into serious role-playing. I don't mind the whole 'who's your daddy' thing, but she is taking this way too serious. She recently asked me to dress up like a prostitute while she dressed up like a pimp. I think this is way over the edge, what do you think?

—Pimps, Players and Ho's

Dear Pimps, Players and Ho's,

I like role-playing just like the next person, but when it becomes a major stage production, it can become a bit draining. My first question to you is that if this makes you feel uncomfortable or undesirable than why haven't you expressed this to your mate? You and your mate need to discuss what is acceptable versus what is not acceptable. Role-playing has its time and place, but sometimes it becomes so weird that you began to believe that this person wants this as a profession and not just as a sexual fantasy. Don't humiliate or compromise yourself for someone else's cheap thrill. By the way sweetie, if this does continue and you eventually grow to like it, make sure you get your money first.

—Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy,

I am happy to say that I finally found someone that makes me happy. It is someone who I feel could be my soulmate. We are the same age, grew up worlds apart, but yet we find so much joy in each other. Can you please tell me some tips on how to keep this relationship healthy? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. —I Finally Found One

Dear I Finally Found One,

Congratulations on your wonderful find. So many people, including me, wish they could say they found their soulmate. A soulmate is something we all should have, but often it's unattainable. My first advice to you is to keep your relationship and business between you and your new mate to yourselves, because nothing will spoil a new relationship faster than too much too soon. Here are 10 tips that will help in you developing a healthy relationship!

1. Confide in each other

2. Trust one another

3. Avoid jealousy

4. Keep one another's secrets

5. Offer help when needed

6. Repay favors

7. Don't criticize

8. Show unconditional support and caring

9. Respect privacy

10. Remain focused

You'd be surprised how these 10 things can really make a tremendous difference in your relationship. I guess if I now practice what I preach, I'd really have it going on. Until next time!

Chat Daddy

Please feel free to contact me at talk2chatdaddy@aol.com .


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