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Dating Circle Challenges
by Vicky Nabors
2004-12-01

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Nothing makes the holidays more memorable than the excitement of dating, and sharing the warmth of the season with a special lady. But, sometimes it isn't as simple as just meeting a quality person; other variables could become problematic.

Two scenarios: You meet an interesting sistah while chatting online, and you want to know more about her. So, you spend time chatting online and on the telephone, then a few dates, and finally you're kissing her under the mistletoe.

The next step is to ask her to be your 'gurlfriend,' but you hold out because something she shared is bothering you. It seems that during your late-night chats, you learned that she dated one of your friends, and is an old friend of your trifling ex-lover ( the last thing you need is to have your ex fill her head with past relational lies and garbage ) .

And what about those situations where you and a friend meet an attractive sistah? Both of you want to talk to her, but you step to her first and a relationship ensues. Later, after it ends, your friend begins to entertain thoughts of finally having a chance. Even though she fears the consequences of her actions, her desire is too strong to ignore, plus the now-single sistah has indicated a mutual interest.

Two scenarios, one difficult decision, what's the answer? I know you're familiar with this stuff—I call them dating circles.

Even though Chicago's Black lesbian community is large, single sistahs who are looking constitute a much smaller group. Location also affects the number of available sistahs in the dating pool, especially in Chi-town, because not many suitors want to travel to the Far North or South Sides to date eligible sistahs. Therefore, you could easily to find yourself involved in one of these scenarios, knowingly or unknowingly; I've been there.

Now, there're some sistahs who think nothing of dating a womyn who has dated their friends or acquaintances. On the other hand, there are those who see this behavior as a violation of moral ethics. But know that this particular situation is quite common, that's why we see so many depictions of it on TV sitcoms: from Girlfriends to the Golden Girls. Therefore, whether we like it or not, dating circles do and will always exist.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no right or wrong when analyzing dating circles from a moral or practical perspective. But, there are a few principles that should be weighed carefully before proceeding, like: integrity ( don't do anything to harm yourself or people you claim to care about ) , accountability ( if you do it, be big enough to reveal your actions to those parties involved—don't hide it ) , and good old common sense ( munching on sloppy seconds is a personal thang, but the possibility of having an ex-lover influence your new lady is asking for trouble ) .

Still, since true love knows no boundaries, sometimes you just have to go with your heart. But, when it's merely curious lust, the price may not be worth the pleasure in the long run; some fresh batteries might be a safer conquest; better put them on your Christmas wish list.

HoHoHo! Merry Christmas!

Send replies to vickyism@aol.com


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