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Can Opposites Co-Exist?
by Vicky Nabors
2006-03-01

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Can opposites really enjoy a healthy and happy relationship? The answer certainly lies within each individual, but there are some other important variables to consider. I've noticed that when I have something in common with a person, it makes it easier to work through difficulties when we clash over our differences. Differences are presented, in relationships, in a variety of ways; some are quite hidden. However, I've worked successfully to identify and work past some of the more common ones, such as levels of multi-tasking comforts and ability; introvert vs. extrovert behaviors; liberal ( open-minded ) vs. conservative ( traditional ) thinking; and secure vs. insecure mindsets.

Many individuals believe that they must have everything in common with a person to have a good relationship. This is true to some degree, because similarity can enhance a person's life, whereas differences can make them miserable as hell. I'm a witness! So, although it's good to share some commonality with that special person, it's also nice when she brings something uniquely different to the table; after all, we're humans—who will get bored at some point. So, I can appreciate a partner who is somewhat opposite in her likes, dislikes and behaviors, as long as they lie within my comfort zones.

This brings me to my next point. In order to have a successful relationship composed of opposites, each party must clearly understand 'who' he or she is and 'who' his or her intended partner is. When you have this knowledge, you can better access whether you can handle the differences that exists—sometimes they're too bizarre. It begins with you. Knowing four simple parts of how you honestly operate can help you chose a partner you'll be able to deal with. Then, you should seek to identify the same four parts of your intended partner. Having this information can help you access the reality of entering into a successful relationship with a person who is your opposite.

Take me, for example; I'm a serious multi-tasker who loves doing several things at the same time. I'm equally introverted and extroverted. When bored, I set out to socialize in various ways to fill my inquisitive mind. When I've had enough, I revert to my private world to process all that I've taken in—and become introverted. I believe in change, privacy and living according to one's rules ( as long as they're not hurting themselves or others ) . Therefore, I'm very liberal-minded. However, I also believe that certain rules/laws ( not many, though ) are necessary as they help keep people in line—which makes me a bit conservative as well. So, I'd say I'm 80 percent liberal and 20 percent conservative. Finally, I've always been very secure, thanks to parents who loved and guided me. For me, insecure individuals make choices to protect or hide their 'truths' at the cost of others, i.e., lying, harming, damaging and stealing ( merchandise, other people's companions, etc. ) .

Knowing these parts of myself, I'd never enter into a relationship with a person who doesn't like to multi-task to some degree—we'd drive each other crazy. Equally, a completely introverted individual wouldn't be a good fit because she'd bore me or I'd drive her crazy. And, a person who's totally conservative would make me want to 'cut her' because conservative individuals tend to be severely judgmental. The fourth category is one that I've learned about through trial-and-error in dysfunctional relationships: insecure individuals. Unfortunately, these sistahs had been mistreated in some way prior to my meeting them, but it wasn't my fault, nor my problem!

So, it's my belief that opposites can successfully co-exist as long as they have some similarities. When none exist, they only have their opposite corners to stand in when all hell breaks loose. Similarities provide a comfortable place from which to approach various situations. What do you think?

E-mail at vickynabors@hotmail.com .


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