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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2020-06-10

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"Alone we can achieve so little; together we can achieve so much."—Tiffany Trump. Actually, the Trump spawn was quoting Helen Keller—because, when I think of one, I automatically think of the other. Tiff's tweet had the hashtags #BlackoutTuesday and #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd. It's a lovely sentiment, but bear in mind she also retweets her dad's posts.

For years, people have whispered that Lindsey Graham is gay. I can't say he is or isn't—I never fucked him ( but that's hardly a litmus test ). The Republican senator from South Carolina was the target of claims initiated by gay porn star Sean Harding: "There is a homophobic republican senator who is no better than Trump who keeps passing legislation that is damaging to the lgbt and minority communities. Every sex worker I know has been hired by this man. Wondering if enough of us spoke out if that could get him out of office?" Sean then tweeted, "I cannot do this alone. If you'd be willing to stand with me against LG please let me know." LG stands for "Lady Graham"—allegedly the nickname hookers use for Lindsey. Harding added that every news network wants to interview him, and high-profile attorneys are offering their services. If Sean offers his services, I'm in!

Why is this all happening now? I don't believe it's Graham's support for El Presidente. Nor do I think it's his seemingly racist views. I believe it's because, for the first time since becoming a senator ( in 2003 ), he is in danger of losing his job. Many polls predict that a young, Black Democrat could beat Lindsey in November. Days after this column comes out, South Carolina will have its primary. When the dust settles, Jaime Harrison will likely be the Democratic nominee. Some suggest this would not be the first time Graham would be up against a young, Black man—but to make such a claim would be beneath me. It also may not be the first time Graham was beneath a young, Black man!

Then there's Lea Michele, who I always heard was "difficult." Then we heard from Samantha Ware, who appeared on Glee. In response to a tweet Lea made last week about standing with the protesters, Ware wrote ( in all CAPS, which I will change ): "Remember when you made my first television gig a living hell? Cause Ill never forget. I believe you told everyone that if you had the opportunity you would 'shit in my wig' amongst other traumatic microagressions that made me question a career in Hollywood." Similar stories were shared by Amber Riley, Melissa Benoist, Alex Newell and Willam Belli.

Michele's response? "Whether it was my privileged position and perspective that cause me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult, I apologize for my behavior and for any pain which I have caused. We can all grow and change and I have definitely used these past several months to reflect on my own shortcomings." This sounds kinda like an apology I once gave to a close friend: "I don't know what you're angry about, and I don't think I did anything wrong. But I'm sorry you're upset." Thanks ... no thanks.

I suspect we'll hear more about Lea this week on "Billy Masters LIVE!." On Thursday, June 11, we'll be celebrating LA Pride 50. Momma will be co-hosting with me, since we co-hosted the festivities in West Hollywood for years. We'll be joined by many people who worked with us both onstage and behind the scenes—including the aforementioned Willam Belli. And on Tuesday, June 9, #BMLive will be celebrating the life of Joan Rivers. Many people who worked with Auntie Joan will be sharing anecdotes—including Charles Busch and Jackie Beat. Tune in on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Continuing our celebration of Pride Month, last week was a dragapalooza on Billy Masters LIVE! Over our two shows, we had Frank DeCaro discussing his book Drag: Combing Through the Big Wigs of Show Business, and four of the greatest exponents of the art form—Lady Bunny, Lypsinka, Simply Barbra and Jimmy James. And, for the first time in 16 years, I publicly celebrated my anniversary to gay porn legend Kurt Young. You can see all of those shows on our website or on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV.

Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen were responsible for two of the most enjoyable hours of television I had in a long time. The duo appeared on the finale of celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. First Cooper was in the hot seat, aided by Cohen. Then they switched positions—which is a recurring fantasy I have about one of them. Anderson walked away with $500K going to provide Kevlar vests for police dogs, while Cohen only made $32K for Planned Parenthood. In his defense, all three of us got that last question wrong.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Gary in Maine. "Did you see Jason Derulo as Spider-Man? What is it about him and his penis? Why is he always showing it off?"

If you had Jason Derulo's penis, wouldn't you be showing it off? In the video, Jason is winched into a snug Spider-Man costume, which features something Tobey Maguire never had—a large, cylindrical mass cutting across his nether regions. Perhaps we should feel sorry for Derulo. Maybe he's one of those guys who is simply always hard. I've known men like this—such a burden, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com .

When Derulo is shooting something other than spider webs, it's definitely time to end yet another column. What is that milky white substance? Check it out at BillyMasters.com—the site that is lactose-free. However, we're not fun-free. On Mondays, this column comes out. Then we have new episodes of "Billy Masters LIVE!" every Tuesday and Thursday. Plus you can see all of the past episodes if you subscribe ( for free ) to Billy Masters TV on YouTube. You want more? No problem. Just send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Lady Graham decorates her office to resemble Downton Abbey! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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