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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2020-04-01

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"Spend more time on your knees than on the internet."—Mike Pence shares his advice at a Christian school. I'm not sure what one has to do with the other—except for gay sex. In which case, he's preaching to the choir.

Now let's get back to me. I'm alive, but confined to my bed—and in a sling ( which is not nearly as much fun as you'd think ). But even in my compromised state, I am still entertaining the masses ... albeit rockin' one arm. While most print publications are taking a break, new columns will appear every week on BillyMasters.com . I'll even be posting more on Facebook.com/Filth2Go. We're planning some live events with friends, tentatively beginning on Tuesday at 3 p.m. ET. I was inspired by pals Seth Rudetsky and James Wesley, who are doing great things online every day for the Actors Fund. They're at 2 p.m., I'm at 3 p.m.—no conflict there. And what a great lead-in.

The coronavirus has a face ( or two )—Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. On one hand, Rita Wilson FINALLY has a credit to her name. Still, it must irk her to no end that many reports simply say "Tom Hanks and his wife." Rita has striven to not simply be "wife." She's acted, sung and even produced. Yet whatever she does, her most notable credit is "wife." The couple's position as the face( s ) of COVID-19 was short-lived once Idris Elba came forward. And then, Daniel Dae Kim. If all of these people perish, they'd likely be remembered during the Oscars' "In Memoriam" as "Actor" ... except for Wilson. If she even makes the cut, I suspect she'll simply be referred to as "Wife."

I'm convinced Donald Trump purposely gives his daily briefings right in the middle of The View. That's no accident! Thank God for West Coast feeds ( and ABC.com ). While many TV shows have gone on hiatus, The View continues to be live—sans audience. Also sans Joy Behar. The elder stateswoman of The View, being of a certain age, is taking time off and sequestering herself in her Hamptons abode. Whoopi is moderating from home. The bright side is the welcomed return of Sara Haines. Since she's already at ABC for her own show an hour later, she's the perfect fill-in. In fact, everything about her is perfect. She is perhaps the most ideal "View" co-host since Meredith Vieira—a bright ray of articulate sunshine and smarts to start my day. It doesn't hurt that she has a hot gay brother. Yes, Joe, I'm talking to you. Since we're both just sitting home, drop me an email, message me on Facebook and let's see where this goes. According to The Sun, it could boost both of our immune systems!

I love that New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo is having prisoners make hand sanitizer. "NYS Clean" is said to have a "floral bouquet" and costs only $6/gallon to make. They are currently making 100K gallons a week, and are scaling up production. Next stop for Cuomo—Shark Tank! We heard he enlisted the aid of designer Christian Siriano to make surgical masks for medical workers. Sure, they're more expensive, but they go with everything. Drag queens are also making some. This is smart outside-the-box thinking. Many are looking to Cuomo for guidance and comfort. Some are even suggesting he could jump into the presidential race. At least he's under 70!

Not all local government officials are created equally. Take Andrew Gillum. Just before the pandemic hit the United States, Gillum ( a Democrat who almost became Florida's first Black governor ) was caught in a South Beach hotel room with another guy. Making matters worse, the other guy was allegedly ODing on crystal meth. At some point, a third man arrived, found Gillum vomiting in the bathroom, and his companion unresponsive in bed. He called 911 and began chest compressions ( presumably on the unresponsive guy ). When the cops and paramedics arrived, they found a room riddled with baggies of drugs, empty bottles of ( ironically enough ) Corona beer, various prescription meds and soiled linens. I know ... icky! They also found an injectable medication for erectile dysfunction—'cause, you know, when you're drunk and high, sometimes you simply cannot perform. When the officers tried to question Gillum, he was unable to provide coherent details—for obvious reasons. And yet, inexplicably, they didn't take him into custody. He checked out of the hotel and returned to his home.

What makes this all worse is that 1 ) Gillum is married to a woman and has three kids and b ) the companion who was ODing was male escort Travis Dyson. Actually, his "working" name is Brodie Scott—which doesn't sound nearly as porny as Travis Dyson. Anyway, he's mighty hot and mighty hung—and you can see for yourself in the many photos and videos posted on BillyMasters.com . I'm not completely sure, but I think the third guy who stumbled into the hotel room and called 911 was Travis' fiancé. Hmmm .... more to come, I'm sure.

When we're all in bed together, it's time for me to end yet another column. Before closing, I must acknowledge the passing of Kathy Griffin's mom, Maggie. In person, she was everything you'd want...and more. She was a helluva gal, and we're tipping it in her memory. If you don't have a box of wine handy, you can simply head on over toBillyMasters.com—the site that'll keep you amused ( and healthy ) through this crisis. If you to have a question, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before we get to the bottom of Andrew Gillum. So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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