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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"Gay is not a limitation. It's a characteristic that I hope they view, like I do, that it's God's greatest gift."—Tim Cook's message to questioning youngsters

The phrase "Banned in Boston" relates to many forms of entertainment that officials deemed offensive in puritanical Beantown. There is documentation of the term being used as early as 1651, but enough about the school days of Barbara Walters. Books, songs, movies and plays weren't the only things banned. In 1896, the $5 bill was outlawed because it featured partially nude figures.

Last week, a bill was proposed to the Massachusetts state legislature that would make it illegal to use the word bitch ( or as they term it, the "b-word" ) to demean another person. So, I guess it's OK to call your puppy a bitch, but not your mother! State Rep. Dan Hunt has proposed this wording: "A person who uses the word 'bitch' directed at another person to accost, annoy, degrade or demean the other person shall be considered to be a disorderly person in violation of this section." The violation, which comes with a monetary fine and/or jail time, can be reported by a witness or by the bitch themself. By those standards, Donald Trump better not make a campaign stop in Boston—he may never be able to leave.

Marlon Anderson, who works as a security guard at a high school in Wisconsin, was fired after he asked a student to stop calling him the "n-word." It bears mentioning that both Marlon and the student used the actual word. And therein lies the problem. The school has a "zero-tolerance policy" when it comes to staff using the "n-word" toward a student—but apparently the rule is not reciprocal. Although Anderson had been a model employee for over a decade, he was fired on the spot. Happily, that's not where the story ends. Cher was touring the UK when she saw this story on TV. She tweeted, "If You Want To sue MMSD Ed. Board I Will Incur Your expenses." ( The odd caps are hers. ) Within hours, the Madison Metropolitan School District rescinded the termination and, as of this writing, Marlon is back at work. Now I know who to contact after I call some Bostonian a bitch!

Meanwhile, Ireland's minister of defense is sick of all the dickering over Brexit. Openly gay Leo Varadkar has made it clear he wants "Brexit done" by Oct. 31. It's not just that he's being politically expedient—he has tickets to see Cher at Dublin's 3Arena on Nov. 1.

In a domestic political story, a commissioner in Sevier County, Tennessee, was caught on video complaining about having "a queer running for president!" He followed that up by saying, "I'm not prejudice. A white male in this country has very few rights and they're getting took more every day." And, yes, he said "took."And apparently he didn't notice that Pete Buttigieg is a white male. After he spoke, several people at the meeting applauded. One even exclaimed, "Amen."

God's Love We Deliver recently held its annual Golden Heart Awards in NYC, where they honored Pete Buttigieg for outstanding leadership and public service. Two of the co-chairs for the event were Mr. and Mr. Neil Patrick Harris. When they arrived, David Burtka told a reporter, "Neil wants to meet Mayor Pete really bad." This certainly wouldn't be difficult for moi. But for NPH and company, it seemed impossible. In their first attempt, the mayor was talking to Anna Wintour and Tiffany Haddish. Then Neil remembered he knows Tiffany, so he went up to her ... just as Mayor Pete disappeared. Eventually, a connection was made. Where it led is anyone's guess.

And now, a story most of you already know, but it's my job to report this stuff. Right after Miley Cyrus' split with Liam Hemsworth, she dated Kaitlynn Carter. She is now dating Cody Simpson. So, for those of you playing at home, she's on a downward trajectory that will likely end with her dating Andy Dick! In an Instagram Live chat with Cody, Miley said, "I always thought I had to be gay 'cause I just thought, like, all guys were evil. But it's not true. There are good people out there that just happen to have penises. I've only ever met one...and he's on this Live." She added, "There are good men out there guys. Don't give up. You don't have to be gay. There are good people with dicks out there. You just got to find them." For someone who has dated both sexes, one would think she'd know better.

The attacks on poor Miley were immediate—and I actually had some sympathy for her because ... well, I don't think she's that bright. She took to Twitter the next day—because nobody explained that social media is NOT her friend. She posted, "I was talking shit about guys, but let me be clear, YOU don't CHOOSE your sexuality. You are born as you are. It has always been my priority to protect the LGBTQ community I am a part of." She may be more a part of it than she thinks—or am I the only one who has questions about Cody?

This led to a startling revelation from Marie Osmond. "When I was about 8 or 9, I actually thought I was gay. The reason is because I had been sexually abused to the point that men made me sick. I didn't trust them. I didn't like them. I was looking at women and I thought, 'Why am I looking at women? I must be gay.'" The Talk co-host then realized the root of her problem and, poof, was cured. Hallelujah!

Aaron Schock was again seen cavorting with hot, shirtless gay men in public. Ostbahnhof is an underground Los Angeles dance party that springs up at different times and venues and is only advertised through its mailing list. The night Schock showed up, the theme was Scream Kweens. Perhaps he just went in costume as a gay man with a rockin' body, great ass and big dick—all of which can be seen in action on .

Our "Ask Billy" question—more of a reprimand—comes from Frank in Denver: "Andy Cohen just said that he's seeing Ginuwine's penis pics and that he's HUGE. How come you haven't run them?"

Nobody asked. Had you asked, I would have happily provided them for you—'cause I'm a giver. I should warn you that the photos in question only show the extra-long appendage. However, Ginuwine confirmed the penis in question was his: "Everybody keep talking about the pics and all SO WHAT!!! We all trust people at time that we shouldn't won't say names as of now!!! Stay tuned"

When there's a line to ride Ginuwine's pony, it's definitely time to end yet another column. In between your tricks and treats, check—the site that never horses around. If you've got a question ( or complaint ) for me, send it along to and I promise to get back to you before this column is banned in Boston! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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