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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2019-07-24

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"I have had sex—and Jesus still loves me. And with how you feel, me fucking in a windmill, you probably want to leave. I didn't just go to the Fantasy Suite. I fucked in a windmill. And guess what? We did it a second time."—Bachelorette Hannah Brown tells Crazy ( but Hot ) Luke about her date the previous day with Peter in Greece. As a public-service announcement, let me caution you about sex in windmills. You could get a nasty splinter in your Acropolis!

While boarding my transatlantic flight, I found myself winched next to a very hot foreign body. He looked as if he wanted to ask me something ... perhaps how to spell "ocupado." I took the proverbial bull by the horns and initiated conversation. In his broken English, he said, "You let this happen?" Well, sure, I'll let anything happen at 30K feet! Then he clarified—he was asking how citizens of this country could let politics get so out of control. It's getting harder and harder to be an American overseas. Happily, it was just as hard on that plane.

Who would have predicted Patti LuPone would be in the middle of a political controversy? LuPone directed her ire at Trump apologist U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham on Twitter, saying, "Lindsey Graham you are a disgrace. On a personal note, why don't you just bite the bullet and come out? You might just come to your senses." This led to numerous responses that by outing Mr. Graham, Patti was being homophobic—a rationale I don't quite understand.

What I have no problem understanding is those charges against Kevin Spacey in Nantucket being dropped. As I predicted, the district attorney dropped the charges in light of the accuser, Will Little, pleading the Fifth Amendment. Little was also unable to provide the cellphone he used on the night in question. No evidence, no witness, no case. Nobody is saying Spacey is innocent of...well, of anything. But, in terms of this particular crime, it couldn't be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Of course, I don't hold myself to those standards; he did it.

Elsewhere in Massachusetts, Netflix is prepared to bring the organizers of Boston's Straight Pride Parade to court. The heterosexuals built a website to promote their event and included Netflix's logo under the list of "prospective sponsors." The media conglomerate threatened legal action, and Straight Pride posted the following: "Sadly, we have learned that Netflix is a heterophobic company steeped in hatred and bigotry." Is that what we've learned?

Emmy nominations were just announced, and the heterophobic Netflix nabbed a record 117 nominations—well, a record for it. What I found fascinating is that several trade publications took great pains to point out that the lobby of the Television Academy's Wolf Theatre is now called the "Netflix Lobby." I'm sure they're not implying anything unsavory—probably just singling out a curious decoration, much like I'd identify a lovely sconce ( something I've never done ). By the way, perennial Emmy leader HBO once again led the pack with 137 nods.

There was quite a bit of queer love at the Emmys. RuPaul's Drag Race snagged 14 nominations—which is not only a record for the show, but also the most nominations ever for any show on VH1. I wouldn't be Billy Masters if I didn't point out that series was initially developed for Logo, the all-but-defunct gay network.

Billy Porter's nomination as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Pose was also historic. Apparently, this is the first time that an openly gay Black man was nominated in this category—a narrow distinction, but a distinction, nonetheless. As they say, it's an honor just to be nominated. But here's something that could be a good omen—the Emmys take place Sept. 22, and Mr. Porter turns 50 the day before. I can guess what his wish will be as he blows out that candle, or whatever he's blowing on All Emmys Eve.

Ever since Baz Luhrmann announced his next project would be a big-screen biopic about Elvis Presley, people have been wondering who would be cast in the lead. Well, wait no more—the role has been filled by Austin Butler. He's appeared on TV in The Shannara Chronicles, Arrow and The Carrie Diaries. More legitimately, he's held his own on Broadway in The Iceman Cometh alongside Denzel Washington.

I must admit, none of these credits helped me place him. Because I live to serve, I discovered that Austin is one of those tight young blonds who are so appealing and yet so interchangeable. Then I saw some photos of him alongside his girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens, and something caught my eye. How do I say this politely? Let's just say something in that photo stuck out. I can't put my finger on it—but I'd like to. It looks like I might need to use my whole hand. I'll use the other hand to post the pics to BillyMasters.com .

What's better than Superman? Would you believe two Supermen? In the past, both Brandon Routh and Tyler Hoechlin have played the Man of Steel ( Routh on the big screen in Superman Returns, and Hoechlin on the small screen in Supergirl ). Plans are afoot for both men to once again don Spandex and play Superman at different points of his life on The CW's next Arrowverse crossover.

Could it be that a certain sexy stud has fallen off the wagon? So say several insignificant others who tell me the patriotic pup's long-cherished sobriety came to a crashing halt just before his latest venture—one which comes with numerous temptations on a nightly basis. While he's still singing a sweet song professionally, his off-stage behavior has become downright reckless. I'm told that should you be fortunate enough to encounter him at a vulnerable moment, your encounter is bound to include just about anything. And I do mean "anything" ( and, potentially, "bound" ). And I'm told it's usually more than just the tip.

When I'm giving a blind item away, it's definitely the end of yet another column. That story about Straight Pride got me thinking. While reminding you to check outBillyMasters.com, would it be OK if I said the site has Kevin Spacey as a prospective member? I mean, isn't he? Then again, isn't everyone? Speaking of questions, I'm always happy to answer yours. Just send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before anybody accuses me of being heterophobic ( as if I turn down straight guys ). So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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