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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2018-08-15

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"Is there anything more satisfying than seeing recent photos of someone you once lusted after now looking hideous? I also recognize: a ) this makes me a terrible person and 2 ) it is the definition of schadenfreude—which is delightful with a cup of tea."—Billy Masters

Since he assumed the presidency, Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame has been routinely vandalized. Last week, it was completely destroyed. In response, the West Hollywood City Council voted unanimously to remove the star. There's just one problem—the star isn't in West Hollywood, and the City Council has no jurisdiction over the Walk of Fame. What the City Council actually did was pass a resolution to recommend to the Hollywood Walk of Fame that Donald Trump's star be removed. Sounds like a big waste of time to me.

We live in dangerous times. And that was epitomized at Berlin's Schonefeld Airport. TSA ( or whatever they call it in Germany ) flagged "suspicious content in a luggage piece" around 11 a.m. on a Thursday. An announcement went out over the PA, "Can the gentleman with the multiple unknown objects in his luggage please step forward and explain them?" The 31-year-old man sheepishly skulked to security. When asked what was in the suitcase, he murkily said "technical stuff." The terminal was evacuated and the airport tweeted the following: "Due to police investigation concerning a piece of baggage, check-in at Terminal D is currently restricted." The bomb squad arrived and gave a long, hard look at the questionable items. It was quickly determined that the suitcase was heavily laden with "sex toys," including a vibrator which the man claims he bought for his "girlfriend."

Hunky Stephen Amell is in hot water after being photographed wearing a T-shirt that read, "I'm not gay, but $20 is $20." It didn't help that he wore the shirt at Vancouver Pride, to say nothing of the implication that sexuality can be bought. More accurately, it sounds like Stephen Amell can be bought—and I think 20 bucks is a bargain!

Caitlyn Jenner is letting the world know she's open to an acting career, saying, "In a Marvel movie, I want to play the baddest-ass lady you've ever seen in your life. They got the wicked queen or the wicked lady. Just do the make-up and the outfit. And I got the deep voice." Are there many wicked queens in Marvel projects? And lastly, given Caitlyn's previous forays in the world of acting in such vehicles as Can't Stop the Music, does anyone really feel that she is particularly qualified to play any role?

Lesbian actress Ruby Rose has just been cast as Batwoman and will appear in several shows on The CW, including Arrow and Supergirl, before transitioning onto her own series. Not only that, but Batwoman will be a lesbian. So, who is this Batwoman? We all know Batgirl and Catwoman. Turns out, the character of Batwoman was first introduced by DC Comics in 1956. Critics claim her romance with Batman was invented to dispel rumors that the Caped Crusader was gay ( which wasn't a particularly large leap given his close relationship with "ward" Robin ). Catwoman first appeared in the comics way back in 1940s. But, apparently, she didn't quite do the trick.

We're thrilled to tell you that Wilson Cruz will be returning to Star Trek: Discovery. You'll recall that early in the first season his character ( the spousal equivalent of Anthony Rapp's character ) was killed off. During that season, Cruz's contract for the show was as a recurring cast member because he was also filming 13 Reasons Why. This year, he's billed as a full cast member and is around all season long. How do they explain his "death?" Is he real, or a dream, or a hologram? All we know is he's not solely in flashbacks and he's not a ghost.

During my recent jaunt to Provincetown, I caught Thirsty Burlington in The Cher Show—not to be confused with the upcoming Broadway musical of the same name. Burlington is spectacular at channeling Cher in a way that, frankly, makes you actually think you are watching Cher! All live singing, spontaneous patter ( more than Cher ever does ), costume changes, videos—all in the confines of the intimate Cabaret room at the Crown & Anchor. It's a fabulous show and definitely a must-see. You can get tix at OnlyAtTheCrown.com .

Our "Ask Billy" question is from Ben in Chicago: "I just saw a photo of Zac Efron's brother. WOW, he's gorgeous, too. What do you know about him?"

Remember how hot Zac was before he became all jacked and ( dare I say ) too big? That's what his 26-year-old brother Dylan looks like. He's done two Ironman triathlons, and this year he ran the Boston Marathon with Zac cheering him on. Dylan may have brawn, but he's also got brains—he has a B.S. in economics from Cal Poly. You can get a better idea of his physical attributes on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm extolling the virtues of brotherly love, it's time to end yet another column. Did I mention that Dylan Efron writes poetry? "A Brotherly Thing," which he wrote in sixth grade, begins thusly: "My brother is a movie star / And is only sixteen / He doesn't have a job yet / Still, he thinks he is the queen." Out of the mouth of babes! Methinks the Efron lads might want to check outBillyMasters.com—the site where all queens are welcome! If something's on your mind, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Batman and Robin race to give Stephen Amell that $20! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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