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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2018-06-27

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"I'm someone you can't put a label on. I'm much like a sponge. You can squeeze me and get everything out of me. But you'll never know unless you try."—More pearls of wisdom from self-proclaimed male model Jordan Kimball on The Bachelorette. Don't try to figure it out—you'll hurt yourself.

The summer is supposed to be my slow season. That's when all the films are shooting on location, all the TV shows are on hiatus, and all the producers are doing perp walks. And yet here we are, with oodles of news. First and least surprising—ABC has picked up the Roseanne spinoff, tentatively titled The Conners. Hmm, where on Earth did I first read about that? I am confounded. I'm also double-jointed, which may not be relevant ... yet.

Then there's the Dynasty reboot. As the first season limped to a close, two things were clear: 1 ) This version was deviating from the original's storyline, and B ) None of you were watching. Now comes word that Cristal is dead! Yes, one of the main characters has been written off. Remember the fire? Well, of course you don't—you weren't watching. But there was a fire that threatened to kill Alexis and Cristal. Actress Nathalie Kelley has announced that she will not be returning to the show next season. So, Cristal is dead? Perhaps—perhaps not. Maybe she'll come back as a twin ( Raquel instead of Rita ). Maybe she'll have plastic surgery and look completely different. Maybe she'll be played by Linda Evans! Who knows? Who cares. Eh, I'll still probably watch.

Broadway Bares has been raising funds ( and other things ) for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS since 1992. And how better to do that than feature some of the hottest bodies on Broadway in as little clothing as possible? Last week, the annual event brought in more than $1.9 million, but enough about that—let's get to the real story.

Featured in the show was the cast of The Boys in the Band—well, most of the cast. Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto and Brian Hutchison were no-shows. That left Matt Bomer, Charlie Carver, Robin de JesÃïs, Andrew Rannells, Michael Benjamin Washington and Tuc Watkins to fill the necessary gaps—although the youthful Mr. Carver was saddled with most of the heavy lifting. Since the theme for this installment of Bares was "Game Night," the "Boys" played a version of Trivial Pursuit where each wrong answer meant Carver took off another article of clothing. When he lost the final round, his G-string was pulled off and he was left holding his cowboy hat in front of his nether regions. ( His character in the play is a hustler named Cowboy. ) However, for the midnight show—oh, yes, there are two Broadway Bares shows—Zachary Quinto surprised the audience with a special appearance and pulled off the G-string. And Charlie cheekily showed off his cheeks, as you can see on BillyMasters.com .

I was surprised that Carver was the only member of his cast to show any skin. After all, Matt Bomer has played a male stripper ... twice. Not only that, but The Boys in the Band opens with him taking a shower and walking around in a towel for the first scene. Customers thought at the very least he'd join in for "Rotation," the finale of Broadway Bares, where all of the participants hit the stage for the audience to gang tip their favorites. Someone in the know said that Bomer could have easily made five figures—or was it that he could have easily taken five fingers? I have to start paying better attention. Either way, Bomer demurred.

One of my favorite issues of "ESPN The Magazine" is its annual Body Issue. Who am I kidding—it's the only issue I've even seen, and that's because they celebrate the human form by capturing athletic icons out of their gear—something which typically makes readers pull out their gear. Last year, Gus Kenworthy was featured skiing in the nude, which is only against Olympic rules because they didn't have snow in ancient Greece. This year, the magazine got Adam Rippon to slip off the Spandex. The photos were taken shortly after he came back from the Olympics. He said, "I couldn't have done this while I was in the closet. I think that, with my experience of coming out, I felt so liberated in so many ways." Adam also had an ulterior motive: "I don't want to say I'll never be in this shape again, but I'll never be in this shape. I'll be in another shape." With his delicious derriere, I'm guessing he may be inching toward pear-shaped. For a peek at his peak, check out BillyMasters.com .

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Justin in Chicago: "Do you know that hot, short gay guy who is going to be on Big Brother? His bio says he's a go-go dancer in West Hollywood."

Big Brother announces the casting of JC Mounduix, touted as the rst contestant in the show's history who has dwarfism. "I say I'm 5'0, but I'm only 4'8," says JC. Yes, he is gay and a go-go dancer in West Hollywood. I don't know him personally, but I did hear he has—or had—a hot boyfriend who also "dances." It should go without saying that JC is attractive and has an amazing body.

If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com . And remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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