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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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Things are really ramping up for the royal wedding. The big news last week was that while William will be Harry's best man, Kate will not be the maid ( or, I suppose, matron ) of honor. A royal snub? Hardly. Apparently it is considered unseemly for a future queen to be an attendant to anyone—even on their wedding day! It's also been whispered that Meghan doesn't want anyone to upstage her—like Pippa did at Kate's wedding! So, who will attend to Meghan? Nobody, that's who. The official word is that she has too many friends to choose from, but our sources inside the palace tell us that Meghan actually wants her friends to have a good time and not have to work and fuss with her dress. Have no fear—she won't be all by her lonesome. The bridal party will have all those little kids as attendants and pages, including Will's children, George and Charlotte.

The big scuttlebutt in London has to do with another royal couple: Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. Even though they divorced in 1996, Andy and Fergie get along better than ever and continue to live together. However, it's not like they're sharing a one-room flat—since their divorce, they've been cohabitating in a 12-bedroom estate! But the birth of Prince Louis has apparently had a domino effect on the royal family. The law states that the sovereign must approve the marriage of the first six people in line for the throne—so it's the heir, the spare and four others in case of something like bubonic plague. Up until Louis' birth, the line of succession was Charles, William, George, Charlotte, Harry, and Andrew.

Now with Louis ensconced between Charlotte and Harry, Andrew is number seven and technically doesn't require mummy's approval to wed. Royal watchers speculate that Andrew and Sarah would like to remarry, but the queen would likely not allow it; one does not quickly forget the toe-sucking incident. Still, I find it unlikely that he'd go against his mum's wishes—he ain't no Princess Margaret! Plus, that old woman can't live forever. Here's the catch—if he waits till Lizzie dies, Charles becomes king, Andy moves back into sixth position and the whole problem starts all over again—until Harry and Meghan have a kid.

A queer marriage in the States is officially kaput. As I told you last week, Colton Haynes and hubby Jeff Leatham appeared to be estranged since they stopped following each other on Instagram. Days later, Colton released a song called "Man It Sucks," which led to rumors that Jeff had cheated on him. Haynes said, "Jeff would never cheat. He's an amazing man. Please stop being mean to him." Days later, Colton filed for divorce. He cites that old chestnut, "irreconcilable differences." This got me thinking—if not Jeff, then maybe someone else cheated. Hmm.

Since I had a few days to kill before the "event," I decided to go to Russia. And why wouldn't I, a gay American, fly to Russia from England at this particularly time in history? What could possibly go wrong? So far, I must say that Saint Petersburg is a gorgeous city with lots to see and do. I randomly picked a hotel in the center of town. When I went to arrange for an Uber to head out, it specified that I meet the driver at a nearby address. The place, which was only a few doors away, turned out to be one of the gay clubs in town! And, even though it was 10 a.m., some people were still inside partying. I later discovered that the same block also has another gay bar and a drag bar. So, I dunno about all this anti-gay sentiment—it seems to be alive and well on the block where I'm staying!

Tom Daley was also back in the USSR. He competed in the FINA Diving World Series in Kazan, Russia. In the mixed three-meter synchronized dive, he came in second alongside his partner, Grace Reid. He posted a photo to Instagram showing that he accepted his silver medal while wearing a rainbow pin. "From Russia with love... Thank you so much!" No, thank you!

As we were going to press, we heard that Quantico was cancelled. That means some really hot gay guys are suddenly unemployed. That leads to our "Ask Billy" question, from Karl in Atlanta. "I remember you mentioning a movie with Russell Tovey playing a gay soccer player. Did it ever come out? The photos you ran were hot."

You know, I completely forgot about The Pass. It was made a couple of years ago, but then I never heard anything more. It turns out it opened at the BFI Flare London LGBT Film Festival in March 2016. Then it played a bunch of film festivals before winding up with a UK DVD release in April 2017. Last week, it turned up on Amazon Prime in the United States, so you can see it for yourself. Here's what I'll tell you—Russell's really hot. Like REALLY hot. Like, he's never looked hotter. And his "teammate," Arinze Kene, is even hotter! Together they are like gay-porn hot. I didn't know anything about the movie, but it comes across as a play—most scenes include only two or three people in a single locale. Turns out, it started life as a play—starring Tovey! It's interesting and sexy with a dark and somber turn towards the end. Despite the claustrophobic atmosphere, there are some striking visuals—in particular, one I'd calling "sleeping double in a single bed." Because I'm such a giver, you can see the entire film on .

When Tovey is making a flagrant pass ( or a pass in flagrante delicto ), it's time for me to end yet another column. And even here in Russia, they read—the site of many tongues. If you have a question for me, send it to, and I promise to get back to you before someone sucks my toe at that wedding reception. So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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