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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"The universe has a way of taking care of the good people, you know what I mean?"—Taraji P. Henson to Ryan Seacrest on the Oscars red carpet. Was it a slam to Seacrest or a message of support? I thought she was being sweet, but people online think otherwise.

By now you've all seen it—Bonnie and Clyde returned to the scene of the crime. Faye and Warren once again gave out the Best Picture Oscar. Looking somewhat embalmed, Faye managed the impossible—she made Eva Marie Saint appear positively youthful! The duo kept the witty repartee to a minimum, which is probably all for the best. Needless to say, envelopes were triple-checked before the couple went on stage—and by the winner. God willing, this will be Dunaway and Beatty's final Academy Awards appearance until they turn up "In Memoriam."

Since the Oscars actually happened as we went to press, I'm not going to go into lots of detail. But here are some random thoughts about this year's ceremony. I loved the set. I noticed velvet tuxes are back in vogue. ( It was pretty chilly here. ) I would have given the shortest speech in history if Dame Helen came with the jet ski. I felt so bad for that poor filmmaker who risked life and limb getting out of Aleppo to attend the Oscars for nothing. You know some big queen is the one who planned for the orchestra to play "Besame Mucho" when Rita Moreno came out. And speaking of Rita, how fabulous that she showed up wearing the same dress she wore when she won in 1962! Please, let Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph host a show someday. Lastly, did Jane Fonda get caught in the Santa Ana winds on her way to the Oscars? For a second, I thought Dina Merrill had come back from the dead!

Over the years, I have wormed my way into some of the biggest events in Hollywood—including the Oscars. Usually, I'm invited; many times, I'm not. But I don't let things like credentials stop me. Worming my way through underground tunnels, using the service elevator, even climbing up the side of a mountain are just some of the tricks of the trade. But I have to tip my hat to Diana Ellis ( or, we should say for legal reasons, a person associated with Miss Ellis ). Someone made up a Gmail account in the name of Armie Hammer's wife, Elizabeth Chambers. An email was sent from this account to the people running the Vanity Fair party. The person posing as Chambers asked if the couple could bring a guest to the party. The guest's name? Diana Ellis. The person then made an unusual request—since Miss Ellis would be arriving on her own, could she have a separate invitation sent to her home? This sounded suspicious, so the party planners got in touch with the Hammers. Not surprisingly, they never heard of Miss Ellis and had no intention of bringing a guest! Here's the twist—Mrs. Hammer is suing Miss Ellis for "misappropriating her name and personal information and violating her privacy."

Any gay who wasn't in Hollywood was on the other side of the world celebrating the 40th annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney, where the headliner was Cher. Leave it to the Dark Lady to surprise people by showing up on the street in an orange wig to watch the parade! The situation got even more surreal when the Qantas float turned up playing "If I Could Turn Back Time," featuring dozens of Cher impersonators and hot boys dressed like sailors! Cher, known for being able to pick up a cue, joined the group on the float to thunderous cheers from the crowd. Later in the night, Cher donned a white wig and gown for the show—at least to start. Because, you know, you can't have a Cher show without a costume change. For her encore of "If I Could Turn Back Time," she changed into a more modest version of the infamous thrashed black bodysuit from the music video and sported a large black curly wig. You can watch her entire performance on .

What do you do if you're a gay actor playing a high-profile gay role on Broadway? These days, it's hard not to talk about it. So, after years of avoiding the topic, Lee Pace found himself in a pickle. The Pushing Daisies star was widely known to be gay in the industry but had never talked about it publicly—even when he appeared in The Normal Heart on Broadway in 2011. However, with his joining the cast of the London transfer of Angels in America on Broadway, the folks at W Magazine felt it was fair game to ask about his sexual orientation.

Here's how they describe the encounter: "Pace added that he feels it's important for gay actors to play the gay roles in both plays, but stopped short of labeling himself. He seemed a bit flustered and surprised by the question. 'I've dated men. I've dated women,' he explained. 'I don't know why anyone would care. I'm an actor and I play roles. To be honest, I don't know what to say—I find your question intrusive." Intrusive, perhaps. But once you've said you think gay actors should play gay roles and you're playing a gay role, the question kinda writes itself.

Remember when those nasty photos of Tom Daley on all fours were leaked? At the time, we heard there were more photos floating around, and now we've got the flip side. While his face is not visible, the locale, the bed, the linens and the body all seem to line up perfectly. You can do your own forensic exam on .

When I'm supposed to believe Mrs. Armie Hammer said, "Call me by your name," it's definitely time to end yet another column. Since I have parties to get to, let me quickly remind you to check—the site that's always invited to the best events! If you have question, send it along to, and I promise to get back to you before Helen Mirren gets a job on The Price is Right! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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