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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"We singles live empty lives of quiet desperation and will die alone. Now Rubio is demanding that we also fund happy families with children who fill their days with joy."—Ann Coulter attacks Marco Rubio for his proposed child tax-credit increase. Do we know if Ann Coulter is actually capable of having children? I mean, she does seem to have an Adam's apple.

"Thank you, Omarosa for your service! I wish you continued success." With words far more eloquent than "You're fired," Trump once again bid the Apprentice contestant farewell. But, oh, Omarosa did not go gentle into that good night. Nope, allegedly she attempted to storm the residential wing of the White House to confront Mr. T in person. Needless to say, she didn't reach her goal—something you'd think she'd be used to by now.

Last week, RuPaul's Drag Race alum Aja and his boyfriend were thrown out of a Lyft after the driver saw them kissing—and this was in New York City! The couple complained to Lyft, and the driver was fired. The company stated, "We have zero tolerance for any type of discrimination on our platform, and are committed to maintaining an inclusive and welcoming community. ... The driver has been deactivated from the Lyft platform."

For those of you who continue to think coming out of the closet is career suicide, let us consider the fortunes of young Charlie Carver, formerly of Desperate Housewives and Teen Wolf. He has starred in a handful of high-profile projects, and has just been cast in the upcoming Broadway production of The Boys in the Band. He'll be playing Cowboy, the birthday present for Zachary Quinto. ( The two previously cavorted together in I Am Michael. ) What I find interesting is that Charlie has an equally luscious twin brother, Max, who is certainly talented. And yet, nobody hears about him getting any work.

I am thrilled to report that The Go-Go's will be represented on The Great White Way when the musical Head Over Heels hits Broadway. Based on Sir Philip Sidney's Arcadia, the show was a hit when it played the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in 2015. Announcement of the Broadway run was accompanied by a video featuring four of the five classic Go-Go's. You'd expect that would include the four current members and exclude ousted bassist, Kathy Valentine, but you'd be wrong. Valentine ( who co-wrote the song "Head Over Heels" ) is prominently featured in the video, while the backbone of the band, drummer Gina Schock, is curiously absent.

A male model is accusing photographer Bruce Weber of sexual assault. I wasn't completely surprised because I always assumed something shady was happening behind the scenes. After all, it ain't easy to convince some of the most gorgeous guys in the world to pose naked on livestock—I learned that the hard way!

The model in question, Jason Boyce, claims that during a 2014 photo shoot, he was "subjected to a series of practices by Mr. Weber that were unlike any he had experienced previously." It is alleged that Weber removed Boyce's underwear and forced Boyce to touch his own genitals.

The lawsuit states that "Mr. Weber put his fingers in Mr. Boyce's mouth. Shocked, Mr. Boyce opened his eyes. Mr. Weber told him to keep his eyes closed, and kept his fingers in Mr. Boyce's mouth. 'If you just had confidence, you'd go really far,' Mr. Weber whispered. 'How far do you want to make it? How ambitious are you?' Mr. Boyce did not respond."

Speaking of foreign objects in one's mouth, the internet is all abuzz with a video showing a "four-way Brazilian gay kiss." During Carnatal in Natal in Rio Grande do Norte in Brazil, a group of four male revelers found themselves in a group kiss. Actually, it's three guys and one straggler. But then they splintered off into more traditional pairings. So? Am I the only one who has participated in group sex with several South Americans?

This leads perfectly into "Billy's Holiday Gift-Giving Suggestions." One of my dear friends is Dan Guerrero, who has toured the country with his solo Gaytino, where he reconciled his roots and gay life. He is the son of legendary singer Lalo Guerrero, known "the Father of Chicano Music." In 1956, Lalo recorded "Pancho Claus," a song about Santa Claus' cousin south of the border. Dan has turned the song into a children's book, with illustrations by our very own Bob Mackie! It's a terrific book, and a great addition to your multicultural celebrations.

Someone else who has been known to enjoy a foreign tongue is Jason Gould. Barbra's little boy has just released a full-length album that will surely make you tingle all over. While I wouldn't consider Gould a "Dangerous Man," that is indeed the name of the title track. Check it out.

One of our previous Gift-Giving Suggestions has led to an international incident. The Warwick Rowers have been banned by Russia since the government has found their calendar to be "gay propaganda."

Lastly, a little extra stocking stuffer: Sexy Pietro Boselli ( known as the world's hottest math teacher ) recently released some sensational scantily clad seasonal shots, which you can check out on .

When we've once again ventured into "gay propaganda" territory, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And since this is coming out in mid-Hanukkah, pre-Kwanzaa and the eve of Christmas, I want to send you my best wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season. If your festivities are in need of a little bit of Billy, head over to, the site that'll stuff more than just your stocking. If you're in need of a bit more personal attention, dash off an email to and I promise to get back to you before Weber convinces Pietro to mount a llama. ( Yes, I said llama. ) So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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Billy Masters 2019-01-16 - "You can't just proclaim yourself a female and be able to compete against women. There must be some standards, and having a penis ...

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Billy Masters 2019-01-09 - "I think she just has really tiny hands!"—Pete Davidson at his New Year's Eve show at Chevalier Auditorium in Medford, Massachusetts, while discussing ...

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Billy Masters 2019-01-02 - "That we're Eskimo brothers!"—Andy Cohen's answer to what the public may not know about him and his good friend, Anderson Cooper. For those ...

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Billy Masters 2018-12-26 - "Get ready for some pounding. Some of us could see eight inches or more. That's too much—even for me."—Virginia Beach weatherman Blaine Stewart ...

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Billy Masters 2018-12-19 - "That's about the gayest thing I have ever heard. You and Viggo Mortensen should get a hotel room and suck each other's dicks!"—Judge ...

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Billy Masters 2018-12-12 - "It would not have been possible without the help of the president, who not only gave us the impetus for this reboot but ...

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Billy Masters 2018-12-05 - "I thought the stain was going to be bigger. Y'know, it was so low. To me, it was probably he hadn't pulled up ...

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Billy Masters 2018-11-27 - "Me in the clouds searching for @ZacEfron's nudes."—Gus Kenworthy's caption for an Instagram shot looking at the sky. Silly boy, you won't find ...

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Billy Masters 2018-11-21 - "Broadway's Disastrous 'King Kong' is a $35 million crime against puppets."—Rex Reed's headline for his review of King Kong: The Musical. I haven't ...

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Billy Masters 2018-11-13 - "I'm not gonna say that if you vote then I'll have sex with you, but if you don't then I can promise you ...


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