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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"I always try to dance when this song comes on, because I am the Queen ... and I like to dance!"—Queen Elizabeth II allegedly made this proclamation when ABBA's "Dancing Queen" was played at a recent dinner party. Whether it's true or not, isn't it an absolutely delicious vision? Particularly if you picture her trying to coax Prince Philip to join her!

One usually thinks of the Brits as a courteous group of people. But I believe they may be going overboard. In an effort to avoid offending anybody, the London Underground has made a decision. After more than 100 years of greeting people as "ladies and gentlemen," they will now switch to a more gender-neutral greeting. From now on, people will now be referred to as "everyone." Which begs the question—who, exactly, is being offended by the terms "ladies" and "gentlemen?" Is there someone who fits into neither category who comprehends human speech? In addition to wanting to be more inclusive, some felt that "ladies and gentlemen" was "too polite" and "outdated." Well, we wouldn't want to accuse the people who brought us Downton Abbey of being either of those!

Someone who has been addressed as both a lady and a gentleman is Caitlyn Jenner. And she is getting some flack after posting a photo with Steven Tyler on Instagram and captioning it, "@iamstevent and I are working on our duet for Dude Looks Like a Lady. One of my favorite songs!" Well, many trans people took offense to this, but I may be on Cait's side. One of the things we always say when it comes to offensive terms is that they are OK when they come out of the mouths of the people they are talking about. We don't want heteros calling us "fags," but some gay people can say it. Some Black people use the so-called "n-word" all the time, but don't want others using it.

So if Jenner wants to make a bit of a joke at her own expense, why not? She explained her feelings on the subject a while ago with Jimmy Kimmel: "I was at a fundraiser in Minneapolis and [Steven Tyler] was the entertainment. I met him once briefly, years and years ago, but I'm sitting there and I got to go and say hi. So I go backstage after and I say to Steven, 'I have had some really, really tough times in my life. For six years at one point I stayed in my house, and every once in a while, I would sneak out, get dressed and drive around in the dark. I always used to take your song, 'Dude Looks Like A Lady', and that became my theme song. Driving around in my little car with my little CD in there, whipping up the tunes and stuff. And I just wanted you to know that it made me feel good." And who am I to deny Caitlyn Jenner the chance to feel good? If it's OK with her, it's OK with me.

Director Kevin Smith was hosting a screening of the 20th anniversary of Chasing Amy at LA's Outfest, and he made a startling revelation. Ben Affleck said, "A man kissing another man is the greatest acting challenge an actor can ever face." That's funny—I never found it difficult in the slightest. Of course, Affleck made this revelation years before he went out and enthusiastically promoted Gigli—talk about your acting challenges! After he filmed the "Amy" scene, Affleck is said to have quipped, "Now, I'm a serious actor." After hearing all this sturm und drang, one actress was less than impressed. Evan Rachel Wood tweeted: "Try getting raped in a scene. Also, grow up Ben. Also, you think us ladies like kissing all the guys we kiss? Just cause its a 'straight kiss' doesn't mean we enjoy it. Ahem."

Liam Payne—formerly of One Direction—is willing to do whatever it takes for people to pay attention to him as a solo artist. While making an appearance on Virgin Radio in Paris, he started to sing "Strip That Down" and decided to take his own advice. People who were previously unimpressed with his vocals perked up and took notice—and you will, too, when you check him out on .

Remember Andrew Garfield telling people he's like a gay man—just without the icky sex part? Well, he feels his comments were taken out of context. He said, "That's, of course, not what I meant at all. That discussion was about this play and how deeply grateful I am that I get to work on something so profound. It's a love letter to the LGBTQ community. We were talking about, 'How do you prepare for something so important and so big?' and I was basically saying, 'I dive in as fully as I possibly can.' My only longing is to serve and to keep the world spinning forward for the LGBTQ community in whatever way I'm meant to. It's important to a community that I feel so welcomed by. The intention was to speak to that, speak to my desire to play this part to the best of my ability and to fully immerse myself in a culture that I adore."

And this leads perfectly into our "Ask Billy" question. Harry in Chicago wrote, "I just saw National Theatre's production of Angels in America at the cinema and was mesmerized. Are there any plans to release it on DVD?"

No announcement has been made about releasing Angels in America on DVD, and I doubt it will happen. These things tend to be licensed only to be shown in the cinema. But if you missed it, you're in luck. Someone leaked your humble scribe a copy of it—well, of Part One: Millennium Approaches. I assume we'll get Part Two: Perestroika after it airs next week. And, because I'm filled with the milk of human kindness ( amongst other fluids ), I want you to be able to watch it from the comfort of your own home. So, should you be interested in seeing the aforementioned Andrew Garfield act alongside actual gay men such as Nathan Lane and Russell Tovey, you should head on over to .

When I'm bringing you gossip from both sides of the pond, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And whether you're a lady, gentleman or "other," you can always check out, the site that's never outdated—or polite! If you have a question, dash it off to and I promise to get back to you before Caitlyn and Steven Tyler make a music video for "Love in an Elevator!" Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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