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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"It's about damn time somebody did. I'm like, 'Shit or get off the pot!'"—Kelly Clarkson's response after she helped facilitate a gay proposal at one of her concerts, and one of the guys said they've been dating for four years.

Is there anything lovelier than Provincetown on the Fourth of July? Amidst the hustle and bustle of the usual tourists come the hordes of whores—young gay men ( young = 20s and 30s ) with single-digit body fat. Lovely to look at, to be sure, but they do have a way of killing one's appetite ... to say nothing of one's will to live! Regardless, a good time was had by all. As they say, it only takes one person. In this particular case, it took three foreign lads without their papers and my threatening to call INS. But, a happy ending's a happy ending!

Amidst the surf, sun and sex, I was surprised to get a call from the divine Sheryl Lee Ralph. It wasn't her call that surprised me, but the fact that it came when I knew she should be onstage in Broadway's Wicked. She had a few moments to kill before her next entrance as Madame Morrible and wanted to let me know about a concert she's doing in NYC to benefit her Diva Foundation. "Sheryl Lee Ralph: A Diva Simply Singing!" will take place Sunday, July 30, at the Metropolitan Room. I would expect some great songs, dishy anecdotes and a whole lotta glamour! I might even fly in for this. Get your tickets at .

You all know ESPN: The Magazine, right? Well, you probably don't, but you probably heard of their "Body Issue"—the one with all the nude athletes. There was lots of chatter about the sizzling hot pics of Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman. But our own Gus Kenworthy is also in the mag. He took a series of nudes over the course of six hours on a ski slope. One might expect major shrinkage, but that's not the case—as you'll see on .

I know people look at us gay men and think, "Gosh, they have it all. If only I were gay!" As we know, it takes more than just wistful thinking. It takes hard work—sucking, fucking, learning Barbra Streisand lyrics; it never ends. And yet, some people think they can take the express route. Andrew Garfield is currently in the London National Theatre production of Angels in America. In a post-performance talkback, Garfield said, "As far as I know, I am not a gay man. Maybe I'll have an awakening later in my life, which I'm sure will be wonderful and I'll get to explore that part of the garden, but right now I'm secluded to my area, which is wonderful as well. I adore it, but a big concern was what right do I have to play this wonderful gay role? It was about doing honor, doing justice and knowing my herstory." OK, somewhat awkward, but I get it. He added, "My only time off during rehearsals—every Sunday I would have eight friends over and we would just watch 'Ru' ['RuPaul's Drag Race']. This is my life outside of this play. I am a gay man right now, just without the physical act—that's all."

It sounds like he's saying that because he watches RuPaul, he's a gay man—well, a gay man not having sex with other men. While I'm sure he didn't mean to stereotype, not all gay men are watching RuPaul. And watching Ru doesn't make you gay. But sex with other men—you know, that's a big thing. Well, in my case it's a very big thing. The point is, Andrew, you are not a gay man ... you're just playing one on stage. And that really should be enough. If you'd like to see a gay man in Angels in America, you might check out Garfield's co-stars—Russell Tovey and Nathan Lane. Now THOSE are gay men!

You know summer is here when we hear about another Vatican sex scandal. Last year, cardinals and priests were holding wet underwear contests in baptismal fonts. This year, they're at it again. The Vatican police got a call about an out-of-control party going on in the apartment of the secretary to Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio—who just happens to be an aide to the Pope. But it wasn't just a party. Reports say that the police broke up what is being called an "orgy" filled with men engaged in sexual activity and doing illegal drugs! Sure sounds like an orgy to me.

And yet, it's not this week's only orgy. You may have heard about an orgy held in the locker room of the Brazilian soccer team. It all happened in Passo Fundo, Brazil, after a match played by the Sport Clube Gaucho. Apparently one player was on his knees servicing two other players while another guy was filming them. Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn't call that an orgy. It just sounds like a typical weekend. Anyhoo, once the video went public, the team's president dismissed all four players. Why? Because the tryst happened on club property. While an edited version of the video is making the rounds, the original footage can be found on .

Could it be that a star of stage and screen ( well, small screen ) has also been filmed in a compromising position? These things happen when you and your boyfriend pick up random guys online for a three-way. In the clip, our newsworthy lad is purportedly filling one side of the hook-up while his boyfriend is filling the other—without ever letting the cell phone fall from his hands. Now, THAT'S multitasking! I should add, it sure looks like the star's beau in the middle. But it really is hard to tell. But there is a brief glimpse of the star's face, and there's no mistaking that hair, that hard body or that johnson!

When we're finding videos of lost boys, it's time to end yet another column. For more dish, follow the yellow brick road to—the site that never met an orgy it didn't like! As usual, you can send your questions to and I promise to get back to you before Andrew Garfield watches Good Times and decides he's Black! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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