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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2017-06-27

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"My government will make further progress to tackle the gender pay gap and discrimination against people on the basis of their race, faith, gender, disability or sexual orientation."—Queen Elizabeth's address to Parliament. BTW, she also shot down a proposed visit by Donald Trump. Way to go, Lilibet.

With the summer here, I have a message for all my readers: Hold onto your cock rings. Over these many, many years, I have picked up a few things—to say nothing of quite a few people. If you are in a darkened environment and you happen to be wearing what is in polite conversation referred to as a C-ring, remember—once one is "done," one deflates. And if one doesn't remove their accessory, there is a good chance it will drop down a pant leg only to disappear into a darkened abyss. If there is anything worse than rummaging around on all fours checking out questionable crevices, it is going through a box labeled "Lost & Found" the following day. Should you find yourself in this position, I recommend wearing a hazmat suit, quickly followed by a Karen Silkwood shower! I know it sounds like an awful lot of trouble to retrieve your favorite cock ring, but what can I say—I'm a romantic.

Why is Aaron Carter performing at gay-pride festivals? Not that he shouldn't. I think it's fine. Not only am I unclear why a gay organization would want Aaron Carter to sing, I'm not sure why anyone would want to see him! I hear he did OK at Phoenix Pride. But leading up to LA Pride, someone asked him if he was worried about any terrorism or violence. He said, "No, I'll shoot back!" Well, this caused quite a bit of concern—as someone who hosted LA Pride more than anyone in the festival's history, I can tell you I would not have been too thrilled to have someone with a pistol in his pocket on my bill. The organizers got him to retract the statement. "I won't pack heat at LA Pride. Emotions got me." Days after the event, he landed in the hospital looking like "Spawn of Skeletor," should anyone be making such a movie. This led to some skinny-shaming—yeah, like that's a bad thing. Carter said, "A grown woman was gossiping about me when I have a eating disorder, telling people I need to eat 5 cheeseburgers cause I look like I'm dying. This is body shaming. You guys are bullying me." At least they didn't have a gun!

Meanwhile, Aaron's brother Nick is part of ABC's pretty lame Boy Band show with Baby Bunton, Timbaland and Rita Ora. Nick still looks good and has some interesting things to say. But so far, I can't imagine any of these people will become stars. That said, I'll watch for a couple more weeks and pray they come up with a contestant who grabs me.

No word on whether Nick or Aaron Carter is participating in The Lou Pearlman Story, which is being produced as a limited series by Desmond Child and Andreas Carlsson. You remember Big Lou as the guy ( literally ) behind Backstreet Boys, NSync, O-Town and oodles of other pre-pubescent boy bands. He had a particular fondness for Nick Carter, which his mom says is still difficult for Nick to discuss. And don't get me started about all those videos of Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town in the shower. Sigh...

The lovely and talented Colton Haynes has stopped whining long enough to get a job. Three guesses who gave it to him? Yes—Ryan Murphy. Colton has joined the cast of the latest season of American Horror Story. He already posted a photo of himself with some liquid smeared all over his lips. Must be from his audition!

Someone who doesn't discuss his sexuality is little Garrett Clayton. He recently gave one of those gay pride messages which really doesn't say anything: "Love yourself and fuck what anybody else thinks. That's what matters." Over the past year, he portrayed porn pup Brent Corrigan in King Cobra, Link Larkin in Hairspray: LIVE and even acted onstage opposite Al Pacino in God Looked Away. And through July 22, he's in an unauthorized musical parody called The Last Breakfast Club at Rockwell Table & Stage in Los Angeles. On one of his off nights, when the renown Skivvies ( the quirky band made up of sexy Nick Cearley and Lauren Molina, who perform in their underwear ) were performing at Rockwell, Garrett was coaxed—perhaps at Aaron Carter's gunpoint—to sing "Stitches" in his drawers. It's certainly worth seeing on BillyMasters.com .

Proving that everything is connected, one of Garrett's co-stars in the Al Pacino play was sexy Miles Gaston Villanueva. Miles has just been cast in Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders for NBC. And he'll be playing Lyle Menendez—the brother who was wearing a wig and ( allegedly ) being banged by his father almost nightly. If this were a Ryan Murphy production, we'd probably get to see that!

Congratulations go out to RuPaul, who will be receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. "Sweet Cheeses! My heart is beating so fast right now!," said Ru. Now, note with what finesse I tie this whole column together. Another person getting a star this year is—wait for it—Ryan Murphy! Congrats to both!

Could it be that a certain champion is keeping a secret as big as his cup? It's certainly not that he usually goes commando—everyone can see that! Nope, our sources tell us that he prefers the company of other men. He's pretty quiet about his personal life, which I can respect. Instead of making passes, he has a special someone who is another giant with a similar Adonis-like physique. In the past, he's publicly supported colleagues who are in same-sex relationships. But while his career is in limbo, the last thing he wants to do is rock the boat.

When we can go from cock rings to free-balling, it's definitely time to end yet another column. With summer here, it's not only steamy outside, but also at BillyMasters.com—the site that'll make you all hot and bothered. If you need my assistance, feel free to drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone explains what "Sweet Cheeses" means. Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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