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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2017-05-30

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"Actually, I had to lose 20-30 pounds for the movie because nobody was that big in the '60s."—Colt Prattes talks about preparing for ABC's version of Dirty Dancing. Three guesses where those 20-30 pounds went.

In a scandal still unraveling, hundreds of athletes descended on Miami Beach from around the globe for the World OutGames only to find no one to greet them. Less than 24 hours before the first event, the organizers made a startling announcement: "It is with deep regret that due to financial burdens, World OutGames must cancel its sports programming and Opening and Closing Ceremony with the exception of soccer, aquatics and country western dance." You know what's a financial burden? Athletes spending thousands of dollars to travel to Miami Beach for nothing but some do-si-do-ing! The news only got worse. Seems the city of Miami Beach waived more than $200K in permit fees and signed on as a sponsor. With no Games taking place, the state attorney's office opened a fraud investigation to look into "potential misappropriation of funds."

I should have slept with Joel Simkhai when I had the chance. The founder of Grindr has announced that the popular hook-up app has been sold to a Chinese gaming company for a grand total of $245 million!

While Andy Cohen was in LA for live tapings of Watch What Happens Live, he made an appearance on Ellen. One of the many things I love about Andy is that he'll answer any question—whether it's embarrassing or not. When asked if he's ever hooked up with a guest, Cohen candidly said, "Would bartenders be considered guests?" The answer was no, so he said he's never slept with a guest. Ellen's next question was, "How many bartenders?," to which Cohen said, "A couple." And a couple could very well mean a couple dozen. Good for him!

And now, I'm going to do something unexpected. I am not going to bash ABC's Dirty Dancing. But, just to be clear, I'm not going to praise it, either. I'm going to say, "Eh." It wasn't great, but I didn't feel personally assaulted. I thought Scherzinger was great. I thought Sagal was divine. And it looked like a real movie. But, I have my usual Billy issues—like when a string section comes in and there are no strings on the set, or when people sometimes sing into a mike and other times toss it aside and the sound doesn't change. I've gotten used to the fact that nobody cares about those things except for me. I find it interesting that a show called Dirty Dancing had very little I'd call "dirty" or "dancing." My former editor at the now-defunct Frontiers magazine reminded me that way back in 2008, he put Colt Prattes on the cover in some skimpy swimwear. Colt was in town with the touring company of A Chorus Line, so he was joined by fellow castmates John Carroll and Anthony Wayne. You can see that photo—and several other dirty snaps of Colt's assets—on BillyMasters.com .

In the world of films, we've got sequels. You've probably all heard about the dreaded Mamma Mia sequel, which promises to reunite the original cast. But you might not know Tom Cruise says that the long-threatened Top Gun sequel "is definitely happening." He said, "I'm going to start filming it probably in the next year." Is Kelly McGillis back? Is Val Kilmer gonna winch into a jumpsuit? Color me skeptical.

I'll be damned if I remain silent while Hollywood prepares to desecrate one of my favorite films—Overboard. Whose bright idea was it to remake this perfect Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell flick with Anna Faris and Eugenio Derbez? In this version, Eugenio is gonna play a spoiled Mexican playboy, and that comedic genius Faris will play the wily single mom. But I still say, "So what?" And Eva Longoria as her boss in the bowling alley? Pass!

Another beloved Garry Marshall film is being adapted for the stage. Pretty Woman will become a musical for the 2018-19 Broadway season, directed by my beloved Jerry Mitchell. A musical based on Tootsie is being written by David Yazbek, also for Broadway. Rumor has it that a musical based on Soapdish is in the works for London's West End starring Kristin Chenoweth. And maybe it's me, but I can't think of a film less appropriate for musicalization than Gorillas in the Mist.

Speaking of gorillas ( and how often does one get to say that ), Netflix signed a deal in Cannes for the rights to show Bubbles, a film about Michael Jackson's beloved chimp. I'd be all in if that chimp could sing!

For our "Ask Billy" question, we turn to Henry from Long Beach: "I know you'll make fun of me, but I loved 'Shake It Up' on the Disney Channel. Someone told me Kenton Duty is gay. Do you know if he is?"

I would never make fun of a fan—especially one who writes me ( and is a member of my website ). The truth is, I had no idea what a Kenton Duty is—but it sounds like Pepto-Bismol would clear it right up! Upon a bit of research, I find that Duty is a hot blond guy who played the rather girlie Gunther on Shake It Up opposite that triple threat, Bella Thorne ( who just broke up with a Kardashian-in-law, which is neither here nor there ). Whilst I can neither confirm nor deny his sexual inclinations ( I never worked with him ), I don't suppose you'd like to see his penis, would you? 'Cause he joins that growing list of young men who have videos pleasuring themselves. What he lacks in length he makes up for in girth, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm prescribing a cure for a Disney star, it's definitely time to end yet another column. You know, I'm kinda surprised that someone from "Shake It Up" is making a jerk-off video. It sounds more like "Shake It Off." You'll find more than scintillating wit on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that doesn't give a rat's ass about Taylor Swift. And, like Henry, you can send your questions to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sigourney stars in the musical Gorillas in the Mist—as the gorilla! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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