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  NIGHTSPOTS

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2017-03-08

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"I did pee-pee once on the stage. Things happen. It's live. The show must go on. It's not a decision that I made, it just happened and you keep going."—Ricky Martin makes a startling revelation to Kelly Ripa—who seems surprisingly unfazed. Try and remember that the next time you see her all lovey-dovey with her hubby, Mark Consuelos!

Can you believe the Oscars were only a week ago? For me, it seems like a distant memory—kinda like Faye Dunaway's last hit. But you know what this shows? You're only one hit—or scandal—away from being back. But, it really wasn't Faye's fault. If she weren't legally blind, none of this would have happened. And you know how people in California treat glaucoma!

Before I tackle this next story, let me make something clear—I loves me some Grace Slick. But, she's also a crazy old lady. She's living near the water, painting, and refuses to sing. But you know what she was willing to do? License Chick-fil-A the rights to use "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" for a TV commercial. This is a curious thing because Chick-fil-A is supposedly anti-gay, and Grace Slick is very pro-gay. So when the chicken folks asked for the rights to the Starship single, Grace's first instinct was, "Fuck no!" Then she decided, "Fuck yes!" Why the about-face? She said, "I am donating every dime that I make from that ad to Lambda Legal, the largest national legal organization working to advance the civil rights of LGBTQ people, and everyone living with HIV." Atta girl.

We've all heard stories about people who order pizzas to be delivered to a neighbor just to piss them off. Well, here's a story about somebody who set up a fake Grindr account and sent over 700 guys to a New York resident! The assailant snagged photos from the victim's Instagram feed for the fake Grindr profile. Then he'd chat with guys on the app and invite them over—giving them the victim's actual address! In some cases, the guys were instructed to let themselves in and enact a "rape fantasy"—which I believe was the plot of an early Barbra Streisand movie. Even after numerous complaints from the victim, Grindr refused to remove the fake profile. So he's filed suit in New York Supreme Court and is pressuring Grindr to crack down on fake profiles.

Didya know that Ricky Martin met his fiance on Instagram? We hasten to say that Ricky was not cruising online. No, he wouldn't do something so base and common. He claims to have stumbled upon a piece of Jwan Yosef's art. Then he checked out Jwan himself and liked what he saw. They chatted online for six months before it turned into a romance. The moral of this story? Write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and wait a few months. Who knows what'll happen!

As we went to press, we learned that gay porn star Matthew Rush had been arrested in Fort Lauderdale for what some outlets are describing as "assault, battery, culpable negligence." However, after reviewing the arrest report from the Broward County sheriff's office, the charges are described as "touch or strike/battery/dating violation." When he was released, the official charges filed amounted to a first-degree misdemeanor, which could result in up to one year in jail. Say what you will about him, but he sure takes a good mug shot!

I've made a shocking discovery—ABC uses the same talent pool as gay-pride organizations around the country. If you've performed at Gay Pride, you have a good shot at being cast on Dancing with the Stars. This season, we have not one but two people who have graced Pride festivals around the country. First is Charo—the irrepressible Latin spitfire who I can only hope wins. Then there's Erika Jayne, "singer," "actress" and one of the "Real Housewives." It wouldn't be DWTS if we didn't have the current Bachelor, Nick Viall—who I bet cuts a dashing figure on the floor. He also has a bit of an edge—ABC audiences are already used to watching him on Monday nights. A week after The Bachelor finale airs, Dancing with the Stars kicks off season 24 on March 20.

Lastly, we've learned several details about the upcoming Dynasty reboot. Like what? Well, Steven Carrington still has a fling with Cristal's relative, Sammy Jo. [Editor's note: The name was spelled "Krystle" in the original series.] But this time around, niece Sammy Jo is called Sam and—oh, yes—he's her nephew! The show has eschewed the Denver locale and is now set in Atlanta. Therefore, Blake's company is no longer Denver Carrington—it's Carrington Atlantic. BTW, Blake is being played by that thespian, Grant Show! So, lemme do some quick calculations. When the original Dynasty hit the airwaves, John Forsythe was 63 and wooed the much-younger Linda Evans, who was 39. Shocking. When they shoot this pilot, Grant Show will be 55 and his Cristal, Nathalie Kelley, is 32. Actually, that all works out.

When Joan Collins could be cast as Blake's mother, it's definitely time to end yet another column. My God—if the Oscars felt like a long time ago, imagine how long ago Dynasty was. Why, it's making me feel simultaneously old and young! While I sort that out, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that certainly doesn't look its age. If you didn't e-mail me for a date, you can still send a question to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I get cast on Dancing with the Stars. Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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