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  NIGHTSPOTS

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2017-01-04

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"I don't vote with my vagina—this is bigger than that."—Susan Sarandon. So if you've got a problem with how the election turned out, reach out to Sarandon. Apparently her vagina is big enough to grab.

As we look back on 2016, I want to start—selfishly, perhaps—with a story about me. Many people were taken aback when I discussed my decision to go on PrEP as a form of HIV prevention. For me, it was a no-brainer; I tell you everything ( well, almost everything ). I don't understand all this PrEP-shaming. Here's how I look at it: Maybe someone who wouldn't typically read a medical article got some information from my weekly scribblings. I am heartened by everyone who wrote in—even those of you who felt it was mistake. At least you're paying attention.

Even in our darkest hour, there is some light. Most of us were horrified as news of the massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando trickled in. But immediately following the tragedy, JetBlue offered to fly affected family members to Orlando for free. Disney donated $1 million to the OneOrlando Fund. Other companies reached out. But perhaps most impressively, Seth Rudetsky and hubby James Wesley corralled dozens of Broadway luminaries to record "What the World Needs Now Is Love" and raised not only money but awareness. Bravo.

I love the summer Olympics. Lots of hot muscular guys showing lots of rippling flesh—what's not to like? In a first, an Olympian was actually robbed of a medal due to the size of his penis! Hiroki Ogita almost cleared the 5.3-meter pole he was attempting to vault when his protruding penis pushed the pole. That was topped by Brazilian gymnasts Arthur Zanetti, Arthur Mariano and Sergio Saski, who all made nude videos. Mariano's was the most impressive, since he was nude, fully erect and hanging around the team bathroom! Then there's Britain's Louis Smith, who was filmed polishing his javelin, if you catch my drift. You can see all on BillyMasters.com .

My favorite Olympic-related story is that General Mills finally put the legendary Greg Louganis on a box of Wheaties. Louganis said, "Back in '95, I wasn't expecting to live very long because we thought of HIV-AIDS as a death sentence. So to be here today, now 56, the box means so much more to me than it would have then because I feel like I'm being embraced as a whole person, not just for my athletic achievement."

Like it or not, we must mention Logo's Finding Prince Charming. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place—it's a show nobody but gay men has ever heard of, and yet one which almost no gay men admit to watching! It was a bold experiment gone tragically wrong. Logo touted it as the first gay bachelor show, discounting Bravo's Boy Meets Boy—which was far superior, despite its own icky twist. But nothing could be ickier than Logo's "prince," Robert Sepulveda Jr. Look: Nobody loves a hooker more than me. But once there are videos of you drinking someone's semen out of a used condom or shoving a shampoo bottle up your ass, I think you've lost the right to the holier-than-thou attitude—to say nothing of the title "prince." Logo missed a great opportunity for product placement. Picture it: Finding Prince Charming, brought to you by Head & Shoulders!

Now that the season is over, Sepulveda is more than happy to not only talk about being a hooker, but also make some money off it ... 'cause that's what hookers do. His latest venture is a 2017 calendar called "Rented," in which he "gives the recipient a glimpse into the harsh reality many sex workers face." Forget "prince"—the man is a saint. He's the Mother Teresa of prostitution! In the calendar, we see such telling photos as him counting the money left on a nightstand—I never saw Terry do that in Calcutta! To prove he hasn't left behind the world's oldest profession ( many claim he's still escorting ), the calendar costs a whopping $50. Lest you think he's pocketing that money, au contraire. Allegedly, all of the proceeds will go to SexWorkersProject.org . If this is handled anything like his Atlanta Rainbow Crosswalks "charity," next year's calendar might be called "Incarcerated!"

There were lots of celebrity nudes. On BillyMasters.com, you can find people like River Viiperi, Will Wikle, Orlando Bloom, Justin Bieber, Alex Bowen, Lewis Bloor and Brandon Myers. Those last few are quite well-endowed British reality stars definitely worth checking out. Still, the top dog is John Barrowman's husband, Scott Gill—who is also a Brit. Scott nearly broke the Internet when he wandered by naked while Barrowman was doing a live web chat from their Palm Beach pool. You can see why Johnny is always so happy on our website.

What would a Billy Masters column be without a Fayewatch item? We have bookend items about La Dunaway. Near the beginning of the year, she was seen at a popular West Hollywood grocery store wearing plastic surgical gloves and talking to the tomatoes. It would really be a story if the tomatoes spoke back! As the year drew to a close, I ran into Faye in the most unlikely of places. While I can't share too many details, she looked quite frail and was sporting a soft cast on her right foot. When I asked her about it, she said, "Well, I had a little run-in with my refrigerator—but that's not how this happened." She then hobbled off as I said, "Huh?"

When Faye is speaking in riddles, it's time to wrap up another year of columns. As we go to press, we're shocked to learn that it was George Michael's last Christmas. But even with that sad news, I had to smile when I read Sarah Michelle Gellar's Twitter tribute: "Do you really want to hurt me? I guess you do 2016. #ripboygeorge." Always on the cutting edge, Buffy! That's why you get your news from.BillyMasters.com, the site with a finger on the pulse of anyone with a pulse! If you'd like to reach out to us, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before the next celebrity death. Thanks for yet another great year. And, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


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