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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

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"It takes me a long time to get mad, but when I get mad, I'm an Italian. I was just in Italy. I'm no different from anyone else over there, you know what I mean? And they're just talking normally. They're not having a fight—they're just paying for bread!"—Patti LuPone attributes her fiery temperament to her ethnicity.

A few months ago, Zsa Zsa Gabor allegedly told husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt that, for her 100th birthday, she'd like to move back to Budapest. Alas, she was at her Bel Air home when she died at 99. I met Zsa Zsa many times, and she was everything you'd want her to be—grand, gorgeous and ridiculously over-the-top. Although she lived in the United States for more than 70 years, she was known for her thick Hungarian accent and calling everyone "Dahlink." Although she had numerous film credits, I'll be curious to see if she makes the Oscars' "In Memoriam" segment.

Donald Trump is having a heck of a time booking talent for his upcoming coronation ... er, inauguration. So far, the biggest name he's got is Jackie Evancho, often touted as an opera singer, but to the best of my knowledge someone who has never sung an operatic aria in her life. But didya know that she has a trans sister? And Jackie is her strongest supporter. "She told me she was transgender, and I was actually very happy for her because she finally found herself and can be who she wants to be." In addition to singing the national anthem at the inauguration, Evancho will also sing a duet with Andrea Bocelli. But, shhh, nobody tell him—he thinks he's singing for Hillary!

As the studios are trotting out their best and brightest for Oscar consideration, the Academy has made an unprecedented ruling. Former RuPaul's Drag Race contestant Kelly Mantle is the first person ever to be eligible to be nominated in both the Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress category. Huh? Mantle appears in Confessions of a Womanizer—a film I've never heard of, but it just had Oscar-qualifying screenings in LA. In the movie, Kelly plays a transgender prostitute named Ginger—sidebar, why do these hookers always have a name like Ginger or Cinnamon? You'll never see a transgender prostitute named Susan or Claire! Anyhoo, director and writer Miguel Ali lobbied the Academy on Mantle's behalf. He felt that because Mantle is "gender-fluid," s/he should be submitted in the supporting acting categories for both genders. The Academy agreed. Ali says, "To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time in Oscar history that a person will be considered for an acting Oscar in both gender categories. I firmly believe that our androgynous/transgendered acting community is the most untapped resource in Hollywood. We need to bring them more attention, and by doing so, we will create more empathy for our androgynous/transgendered brothers and sisters."

Perennial Oscar nominee Eddie Redmayne recently made a startling revelation—he's seen Prince William's willy. Let that sink in—he's seen the penis of a future King of England. Apparently, Eddie and Willie were classmates at Eton College. While he doesn't go into details regarding how he glimpsed the crown jewels, the two played rugby together and, presumably, showered together—as boys in British boarding schools oft do. Since we don't want you to feel left out, you can check out William's willy on—the site fit for a king or a queen.

This is it: the final installment of Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. Our first gift is not only fashionable but practical. Say you work with a particularly sexy colleague. In most offices, it's frowned upon to touch yourself ( or others ) inappropriately. But that won't be an issue if you are wearing The Jerk Shirt. Yes, it's exactly what you think it is. This shirt has a built-in arm, so you can pleasure yourself without anyone being the wiser—although perhaps the 2.0 model should come equipped with a specimen bottle and a squeegee! Proving the manufacturers are thinking of everyone, the hand comes in a variety of skin tones—light, beige, tan, and dark. Grab one ( so to speak ) at . And you can see a video of it in action on .

Tippi Hedren was one of the first legendary ladies of the silver screen that I met in Hollywood. And she's also been the most consistently charming. She lights up a room and has a never-ending supply of scintillating stories that involve people from Hollywood's golden age. Even closer to her heart is the Shambala Preserve, which she founded to protect wild animals. She's brought her two passions together. Tippi: A Memoir was just released, and it is a page-turner. And a portion of the proceeds will help continue to fund Shambala for years to come.

One of my favorite people in the world is Charles Busch. The legendary trailblazer has been touring the country with former porn god Tom Judson entertaining the masses with their cabaret act. So it was only logical that their collaboration was immortalized for all posterity. Charles Busch Live at Feinstein's/54 Below just dropped ( as the kids say ), and it's a captivating collection of songs and stories. Would that it were a DVD. But, well, a CD is better than nothing. What you really ought to do is see the duo live—perhaps at 54 Below on New Year's Eve. But the next best thing is buying this CD at .

In a very brief "Ask Billy" question, Gary from Chicago writes, "When I saw Hamilton, there was a guy in it who looks exactly like Brent Corrigan. Is it him?"

You are quite right—the resemblance is remarkable. Alas, it's not Brent Corrigan. The guy in question is Thayne Jasperson, who you may remember from his time on So You Think You Can Dance. I don't know much about Thayne except he is extraordinarily talented. When he got the chance to play King George II, Lin-Manuel Miranda tweeted, "The craziest person in Hamilton got to play the craziest part ( I love you 4ever @thaynejasperson )." And, yes, Thayne is gay and he's hot, as you will see on .

When I'm bringing you the Brent Corrigan of Broadway, it's time to end another column. If you need a last-minute gift that works well with The Jerk Shirt, consider giving someone a membership to, the site that always delivers. Whether you're a member or not, feel free to send your questions to me at and I promise to get back to you before Trump tries to grab Evancho's sister's pussy! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.

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