"You ain't nothing to me but a disappointment. And the day you die from AIDS, I'm gonna celebrate."—Lucious Lyon's response to his gay son on Empire. Excuse me—is it 1986? Why not have Alexis walk in wearing a hat with a veil and sunglasses? It would have fit in just as well—and been just as relevant.
Is anyone in the market for some slightly over-the-hill, slightly used sperm? Yes, I am talking about my sperm; the fruit of my loins ... literally. I realize this is not a seller's market, but there might be someone within earshot ( or whatever the written equivalent is ) who is interested in some sluggish swimmers. For years, I thought that when my life settled down, I'd have a child—and I don't mean that in the icky Michael Jackson way. But as time marches on and 50 is within sight, I suspect that raising a child is beyond my capabilities—raising a dog who is free-fed and litter box trained is often beyond my capabilities. But why should I deny the world a little Billy Masters? He could grow up to be president of the United States—or, at the very least, make fun of people running for president!
Last week, history was made on Dancing with the Stars. For years, the idea of a same-sex dancing couple has been floated. The idea picked up steam when Lance Bass competed—there were serious talks about him being paired with a male pro. Last week, a same-sex couple dance finally happened, spearheaded by Bruno Tonioli. He had to choreograph a dance that would feature two of the contestants—Nyle DiMarco and Jodie Sweetin—and their partners. In the course of their Argentine tango, the stars swapped pros. And that's how we ended up with Nyle dancing with Keo and Jodie dancing with Peta. Much was made of the bold move, particularly since Keo was the one who led. "Well, it's a different experience," said Nyle.
In a move that is being called "groundbreaking," CBS has given the green light to Doubt, a one-hour legal drama starring Laverne Cox. One report said, "This will be the first broadcast series featuring a transgender series regular character played by a transgender actor." That may technically be true, but one must give ABC their due for casting Candis Cayne in Dirty Sexy Money way back in 2007 ( although, technically, she was "recurring" rather than a "series regular" ). Alas, Doubt has something that almost guarantees it will fail—star Katherine Heigl. Oh, well.
Melissa Rivers has settled her medical malpractice lawsuit against Yorkville Endoscopy, where her mother Joan Rivers died in 2014. "In accepting this settlement, I am able to put the legal aspects of my mother's death behind me and ensure that those culpable for her death have accepted responsibility for their actions quickly and without equivocation," said Missy in a statement written by her lawyers. ( I doubt she uses the word "equivocation" in everyday conversation. ) While we don't know the exact details, we're told the payout is in excess of $10 million.
Didya know that Dreamgirls is heading to London's West End? And didya know that Effie will be played by Amber Riley? The show opens Nov. 19.
Meanwhile here in the States, a national tour of Hedwig and the Angry Inch will begin at the Golden Gate Theatre in San Francisco on Oct. 4. If you missed sexy Darren Criss when he took over the title role on Broadway for 12 weeks, you're in luck—he'll be headlining the show in San Francisco and Los Angeles. It hasn't been announced who will take over after he leaves.
Although the live stage version of The Bodyguard has been a hit in London since 2012, it hasn't opened here. That will be rectified in November, when the show skips Broadway and hits the road for a national tour starting at the Paper Mill Playhouse. Even better news is that Deborah Cox will be slipping into the Whitney Houston role.
A television series about the long-running feud between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis? Yes, please. FX has ordered eight episodes of Feud from Ryan Murphy. And if you were excited to see Crawford and Davis battling, wait 'til I tell you who will be playing them ... Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon ( as Crawford and Davis, respectively ). I can't wait!
We've gotten some photos of Katie Holmes on the set of The Kennedys: After Camelot, and I must say it's uncanny how much she looks like Jackie Kennedy. Of course, I had no doubt she could play the role of a woman who turned a blind eye to her husband's secret sex life. After all, she spent years perfecting that part!
Ronnie Larsen's production of David Dillon's Party, currently running at the Empire Stage in Fort Lauderdale, brings together various elements of my life. I've often said that without people like Ronnie Larsen and David Dillon, there would be no Billy Masters. Both were notable gay theatre animals who inspired me in the 1990s—and later became friends. Way back in 1999, I suggested they collaborate. It only took 17 years, but Larsen is finally producing Party—a play he's always loved, and it shows.
The play, about a group of seven gay friends playing a version of Truth or Dare ( called Fact, Fiction or Fantasy ), survives or fails based on the chemistry of the cast. This group seems to be having a gay ol' time, and that spills over into the audience ( it doesn't hurt that the good-looking cast all get naked eventually ). Special kudos to the superlative performances by Charlie Logan and Jamie Morris, who really anchor the show. This is a party you won't want to miss—and it runs through June 12. For tickets and information, go to RonnieLarsen.com .
If you can't get to Fort Lauderdale, you can see a hot naked guy online. For some inexplicable reason, Olympic skier Gus Kenworthy decided to take a nude photo of himself frolicking with a group of kangaroos in Australia. "I know I said no more kangaroo pictures butt I changed my mind." Oh, there's that sparkling wit we've come to expect from our gay sportsmen! You can check him out on BillyMasters.com .
When Gus is showing us what's Down Under, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. You can always get the latest dish at BillyMasters.com, the site that's got something for everyone. We didn't have room for a question this week, but you can send your queries along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I start a new website—Sperm2Go.com . Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
