Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
2015-08-26

This article shared 4544 times since Wed Aug 26, 2015
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


Filth: disgustingly offensive dirt, garbage, anything viewed as grossly indecent or obscene.

That's how Mr. Webster defines "filth," and who would argue with him? With that definition and those words, this column was launched 20 years ago. Back then, it was called "Filth" and it was supposed to be a temporary gig. But here I am, two decades later, wondering what I did right ... or wrong!

When I look at the very first story I tackled, it gives a very clear view of things to come. I researched the rumor that David Geffen had married Keanu Reeves—and whatever happened to his career? Anyhoo, I squelched that rumor with what would become my customary wit: "Do you think the man who guided Cher's singing career can't spot talent? Well, do you?" I was off and running.

When I started this column, it was a different world, kiddies. There was no Will & Grace. Ellen had a sitcom. Rosie wasn't out. Elton was bisexual. Chastity had a vagina. Admittedly, nobody wanted to see it. And that's the point—people didn't talk about gay things. I'd like to think I helped make a change. The Internet was in its infancy, and many people who weren't in big cities didn't know any gay people—well, they didn't think they knew any gay people. I can't tell you how many emails came in from folks who were just coming out and wanted to connect with anyone who was gay. For better or worse, I was it—and I was there. And I'm still there. So there.

I hate to make this all about me. But, you know, the column is called "Billy Masters," and I am Billy Masters. For the time being, let's put that aside. You'd think, after all these years, I would have tackled every conceivable topic. In fact, that's what I thought while reading the old columns ( which are on BillyMasters.com ). And yet, I don't believe I've ever written a story about somebody being "fingered." Oh, yes—"fingered." Dare I say, we're going to rectify that right now with not one, but two stories about fingering. The first story comes from Big Brother. Apparently, this guy named Austin "fingered" his girlfriend, Liz, during the live feed. I checked out the footage and it does appear that Austin played a little hide-and-seek with a few digits—perhaps up to the elbow!

Fingering Story #2 ( and that's certainly the right name for it ) comes from singer Morrissey. Last week, he told Larry King that he was fingered by the TSA. I'm shocked—and somewhat hurt. I travel more than anyone I know. And nobody has ever come close to my anus—well, not until we've left the ground and I've slid the word "ocupado" into place. Morrissey said, "I had been through the full scanner and the second bit, but then he went straight for my private bits and then put his finger down my rear cleavage." Welcome to the friendly skies, indeed.

Twenty years ago, I met Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick during an intermission of Death Defying Acts off-Broadway. Matthew was quiet and reserved. SJP was bouncing from person to person. The duo's joint show in Provincetown mirrored that dynamic. ( The two sold-out shows were produced by the Provincetown Art House as a benefit for the Tyler Clementi Foundation. ) Since both are friends of host Seth Rudetsky, they were in good hands. They each sang ditties, told some stories and even joined forces for a song from the only show they did together—and since I was the only one who yelled out How to Succeed in Business, I guess I was the only one who knew that bit of trivia. I found one thing peculiar. How does one do an evening with Matthew Broderick in Provincetown and not utter the words "Torch Song Trilogy?" Maybe they discussed it in the early show.

There was even a bit of dish. While discussing Sex and the City, Seth asked Sarah about her favorite storyline. Curiously, Parker chose the last few episodes of the series where Carrie moved to Paris with Mikhail Baryshnikov. So, in other words, from what I always considered an ensemble show, SJP's favorite memory was the one that didn't involve the other three ladies. Interesting. When asked about the possibility of a third movie, Parker was coy, saying that they do have a story to tell and that sometime in the future, when the time is right, and if everyone wants to do it, it will happen. To that, her friend John yelled up from the audience, "You already confirmed it to me on your steps a month ago." Parker took this in stride, saying nothing was definite, adding, "That was a private conversation between you and me, John." So, who do you believe? Sarah or John?

For years, Bette Midler has bemoaned the fact that Disney hasn't made a sequel to Hocus Pocus. Whenever asked about it, she said, "Inundate the Disney Company, because I have canvassed the girls and they are willing to do it, but we have no say in it, so if you want a Hocus Pocus 2, ask the Walt Disney Company." Because the film is so popular at Halloween, Disney World is staging a live show featuring the Sanderson Sisters alongside other Disney villains. The "Hocus Pocus Villain Spelltacular" will run Sept. 15-Nov. 1.

Of course, this is not exactly what Midler had in mind. To show the studio what she envisioned, she's staged her own mini "Hocus Pocus: Live" as part of her latest tour. While chorus girls are filling in for Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette is in full Winifred drag and belts out "I Put a Spell On You." We'll run a video of it on our website, just so you can see how divine it is.

When Morrissey is getting more action than me, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Because celebrity nudes have been a big part of our success, we're going to play a little game with you—Name That Penis. If you can correctly identify 20 celebrity penises featured over the past two decades, you'll win a prize. So get yourself over to www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's barely legal. If you need a bit of personal attention, email Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Geffen pays Keanu 20 years back alimony. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 4544 times since Wed Aug 26, 2015
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Theater Review: Billy Elliot, The Musical
2024-02-19
Book and Lyrics: Lee Hall; Music: Elton John. At: Paramount Theatre, 23 E. Galena Blvd., Aurora Tickets: 630-896-6666 or Paramountaurora.com; $28-$79. Runs through March 24 Billy Elliot: The Musical may nearly be two decades old, but ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Kelly Clarkson, Billy Porter and Luke Evans, 'All of Us,' 'Book of Mormon'
2024-01-05
Video below - At Kelly Clarkson's "Chemistry: An Intimate Evening" residency show in Las Vegas, two men got married with the help of the singer/talk-show host as a witness, EW.com noted. In an audience video from the show, fans ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The tea that got spilled in 2023
2023-12-26
"No offense, but you look like Billy Masters." —I don't know which part of this quip from a stranger insulted me more—that he didn't realize I am Billy Masters, or he thought someone would take offense ...


Gay News

MOVIES Bill Oliver reflects on a queer couple's custody fight in 'Our Son'
2023-12-21
In the compelling, intimate movie Our Son (in theaters and available via streaming), Luke Evans and Billy Porter portray a married couple in which one of them decides to file for divorce. However, this is no ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barry Manilow really was just interested in the articles
2023-12-19
"I wouldn't be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. I'm never going to change my mind. They can just go you-know-what themselves." —Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by ...


Gay News

LGBTQ+ baseball executives announce cancer battles
2023-12-13
Openly gay Major League Baseball (MLB) executive Billy Bean announced he has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and that he needs a donor for a bone-marrow transplant, Gay City News noted. USA Today initially reported ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Fun messiness from the Ladies of the '80s
2023-12-12
"Everybody wants a bf like Timothée Chalamet...until it's time to change a tire." —Meghan McCain. OK, so she only retweeted it. But I'm filled with the spirit of giving. Alas, I suspect Timmy could only ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The icing on the cake at a gender-reveal party
2023-12-05
"To hell with this place!"—George Santos's parting comments after being ejected from Congress. He also said that Congress "is full of felons galore." At least, that's what I think he said. With his lisp, it sounded ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The Dolly Cowboy Cheerleaders
2023-11-28
Whoever intended to dumb down the citizens of America have done a FANTASTIC job. We are dumb as shit!"—Patti LuPone in an interview with broadcaster Tom Power prior to her touring show Don't Monkey with Broadway ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Billy Porter, queer novel, 'Tammy Faye,' queer DJ, Bella Ramsey
2023-11-24
Billy Porter released his long-awaited new album, Black Mona Lisa, via Island Records UK/Republic Records, and it's executive-produced by Justin Tranter, a press release noted. Porter said, "So many of the songs on my album have ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Was Kim Kardashian officiating your wedding worth it?
2023-11-20
I'd hoped to never again type the word "Jada" again. But this week, it's inevitable. It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don't feel bad—I had to look him up as well) slept with Will ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The times Streisand failed to make a splash
2023-11-13
"Fame is a hollow trophy. No matter who you are, you can only eat one pastrami sandwich at a time."—Wise words from Barbra Streisand. You all know that Barbra Streisand's book is out. And I ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barbra's bio hits stores...but don't rain on Cher's parade either
2023-11-07
"I will be forced to be in a position where I will have to openly say how I feel about the film and go against you, my mother and this film publicly."—Lisa Marie Presley's e-mail to director Sofia Coppola after reading ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Britney spills the tea
2023-10-31
"Brad Pitt, I think, in 'Troy'. That's a beautiful man. There's no denying it."—Jacob Elordi tells Jimmy Fallon his first celebrity crush. (If you can't place Jacob, you'll soon see him playing Elvis Presley in Sofia ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Madonna sets her watch to Diva Time
2023-10-23
"It is truly obscene what they're charging for tickets to 'Merrily We Roll Along' on Broadway. $500 to $800. PLUS—$40 a ticket 'handling charge.'"—Kevin Chamberlin voices his outrage at the price of Broadway tickets. Imag ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.