"I'm sorry—are you THAT famous?"—Nicolle Wallace's response when Raven-Symone said that she doesn't sign autographs because it just goes on too long and she ends up getting a cramp in her hand. Yes, this is what The View has come to.
People are insane. This is not a new observation, but it comes courtesy of a trio of stories which all revolve around audiences behaving badly while attending a live show. The most ridiculous thing happened just before a performance of Hand To God on Broadway. A man with a cell phone running out of juice spied what he felt was an available outlet. Alas, it happened to be onstage. ( It was also a non-working prop outlet! ) Moments after the perpetrator plugged in his phone, a phalanx of ushers rushed down the aisle to remove it and chastise him. The bewildered theatergoer allegedly said, "Well, where can I charge it?" Sigh. Were he not hot, I wouldn't bother posting a video of the incident or a photo of him on BillyMasters.com .
Next is something which has reached epidemic proportions: texting in the theater. Shockingly, most people don't even attempt to do it discreetly—they brazenly whip it out, not caring if the glare is a distraction to anyone. We recently reported that Madonna was accused of texting during Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton. Her behavior was such that the cast banned her from coming backstage—but Madge denied the episode. The issue has been confirmed by our own Jonathan Groff, who was in the show: "That bitch was on her phone. You couldn't miss it from the stage. It was a black void of the audience in front of us, and her face was perfectly lit by the light of her iPhone through three-quarters of the show." Maybe that's why she did it—for favorable lighting.
Some people can ignore misbehaving audience members. But some people ain't Patti LuPone. I've warned you—don't fuck with Patti. I know you want to capture her brilliant performances, but unless you can do it surreptitiously, don't risk it—that woman has eyes like a hawk. She's currently appearing off-Broadway in Shows for Days ( a performance the 'London Guardian' calls "never less than watchable" ). It seems a woman was using her phone during the show—happily not taking photos or videos, but likely texting. Patti spotted the glare and she glared back. Because timing is everything, LuPone waited until the perfect moment—an exit line—to snatch the phone away as she walked off-stage. No word if the woman was brave enough to ask for her phone back. Patti re-enacted the moment ( which she called a "slight of hand" ) the next evening in a pre-show speech which was posted online by the theatre. PHEW—an officially sanctioned video!! Check it out on BillyMasters.com .
How was your Independence Day? I had a lovely weekend in Provincetown catching up with old friends, drinking too much, and vacuuming sand out of my various nooks and crannies. While I typically don't see shows at the beginning of the season, Well-Strung and Varla Jean Merman are like family to me; they even invited me to their swanky cookout on the Fourth of July. So how could I refuse when they asked me to check out their latest shows and tell them what I thought? I am pleased to report that both are in quite fine fettle. Miss Merman is going where no drag queen has gone before with Varla Jean's Big Black Hole. It is exactly what you'd expect—it's outrageous and hysterical. The show is so specific to the concept that every song is brand-new—definitely a must-see. And, I'm proud to say a couple of my jokes made the final cut. So if you laughed, good. If not, they're the ones Varla wrote!
The boys of Well-Strung were never more adorable and playful. With their new show Summer Lovin', under the expert direction of Richard Jay-Alexander, they are most certainly on the right track ( as they say in "Pippin" ). If you've never seen them, GO! And if you've seen them before, GO again. The majority of this show is brand new and you'll have a blast. You can get details and tickets about both acts at PtownArtHouse.com .
The Well-Strung hunks are known for mixing pop songs with classical pieces, or playing pop songs in a classical style. They brought their unique skills to Foundations of Wayne's "Stacy's Mom", retitled "Chelsea's Mom." Then they made a pro-Hillary campaign video for the song. Within days, the video went viral and reached Chelsea, who reTweeted it to her mom. That would be cool enough, but then Hillary actually saw the video and retweeted it herself. Cool, right? It gets better. Hill had a fundraiser in P-town on July 2, so the boys cancelled their show. Why? Because they were asked to perform at the fundraiser and meet Chelsea's Mom in person! Now that, my darlings, is cool!!! You can check out the video and pics of the boys with our next president on BillyMasters.com .
The big gay news last week was the extortion trial of Teofil Brank. You remember Teofil, aka gay porn star Jarec Wentworth. He's the guy who was blackmailing MagicJack founder Donald Burns. Teofil/Jarec was found guilty on all six counts after a rather short two-hour deliberation, and will be sentenced in September. But far more interesting to me was Burns' testimony about his extensive history of hiring porn stars. No judgment there—I'm sure many of us would do the same thing. But Don claims to have hired guys every few weeks for solo or group sessions, paid them hundreds/thousands of dollars, and then sent them away—often by plane. These included Sean Cody stars Willis, Arthur and Miles/Aidan, among others. The head of the class appears to be Ashton/MacKinzie [last name removed], who continues to be paid $4-5K a month just for being Burns' "friend." With friends like that...
Since we're talking about gay porn, directrix Chi Chi La Rue has voluntarily checked into rehab. While en route to the famed Hazelden/Betty Ford Center, he posted a video message to fans on his Facebook page.
When even gay porn is subject to summer reruns, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This week, we are sad to announce the loss of one of our long-time proofreaders. No, he didn't die—he just has a real job that actually pays! So that means we have an opening for someone who would like to join the fast-moving, glamorous world of www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's always looking to fill an opening. If you'd like to apply ( or ask a question ), send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone asks LuPone if they can charge their phone in her dressing room! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
