"I don't know which one was Liam and which one was Chris, but I just know that they're both hot as fucking hell."—Meryl Streep shares her opinion on the Hemsworth brothers, a feeling I suspect we all echo.
I really hoped that staying up until the crack of dawn and including oodles of Oscar dish in the column that came out hours after the awards ended would satiate the need of my readers. But, alas, I was mistaken—at least if I am to believe the deluge of emails that flooded Billy Masters International. So let's address the most popular questions right off the bat.
1 ) Why are Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg upset about The View not being included in the Oscars? Since the telecast was on ABC, the network engaged talent from its many daytime shows during the pre-show. As Whoopi said, "It was a shame to walk down the red carpet and see every other ABC daytime show represented—except for Rachael Ray—and we weren't there. We are the only show—and I hate to ring my own bell, but what the hell—The View is the only show that has an Oscar winner on the panel, and I thought it was a crying shame that we weren't there." Barbara was lucid enough to add, "We don't get promos. We are sort of the stepchildren of ABC." She's getting ballsy now that she's preparing to leave ... the show, I mean ( although I'm sure her time on Earth is drawing to an end as well ).
2 ) What is this controversy about who owns the "selfie" Ellen took? It was her phone, so it's hers, right? Wrong. First off, it wasn't her phone. Ellen has an iPhone. This was a Samsung—a major sponsor of the show ( to the tune of $18 million ). Ellen planned to take a selfie with Meryl Streep and then mostly cut Meryl out of it. What she didn't anticipate was that all those other celebs would want to play, too. The minute Ellen handed the phone to Bradley Cooper to take the photo with his enormous hands, the photo legally became his.
3 ) What did Bette Midler say at the end of her song? She said, "I feel like I just won the Olympics!" Perhaps cut out because the Oscars were on ABC and the Olympics were on NBC.
4 ) Why didn't they do anything with Judy Garland's kids? Just having them stand up was kinda anticlimactic. Well, first off, if you are lumping them together as a group, you'd have to find something they could all do together. Could they sing? One and a half can, one can't. Talk? One and a half can, not so sure about the other. Could they even walk? Two can, one can't. This sad fact was made obvious when TMZ caught up with Liza the day after the awards. While strolling down the street, she needed TWO men ( one on each side ) to help her step up onto a curb—and even then she needed to get a running start and a bit of a push. And here's a question that has nothing to do with anything—does Liza even know any straight men? Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, just standing up was really the right call for the Garland-Minnelli-Luft-Gumm brood. In fact, I was sure it was more than Liza could handle—that is, until she charged Lupita Nyong'o like a linebacker.
5 ) How were the ratings? Best ratings in 10 years! So regardless of everyone's nitpicking, that's a win for Ellen.
In an intriguing story, Rosie O'Donnell just revealed that she attempted to come out of the closet a decade earlier than her first ( perceived ) public statement. Back in 1992 ( four years before launching The Rosie O'Donnell Show ), she was interviewed for Cosmopolitan. The writer asked "Are you gay?" and Rosie replied, "Yes." Why didn't we ever read that? As Rosie explains, "I remember Helen Gurley Brown took it out of an interview that had been done with me. ... She was protecting me because at that time it would've been a huge issue, right?"
Speaking of coming-out stories, Lance Bass admits that when he came out to best friend Joey Fatone, it was accidentally. "Joey walked in on me with the guy I was dating just kind of sitting on my lap. Straight guys don't do that," Bass said. Tell that to oodles of kids who have voluntarily climbed up on Santa Claus' lap! When Lance later told Fatone the truth, Joey's response was, "Dude, I don't care. I have so many gay friends—I don't care."
Shortly after returning home from providing colorful commentary for the Olympics in Sochi, Johnny Weir found himself in a New Jersey courtroom regarding a case of domestic biting. Yes, biting. A month before the Olympics, Weir's hubby Victor Voronov filed a police report accusing the skater of biting him in a malicious manner—as opposed to a playful manner, I reckon. During their courtroom proceedings, the couple appeared as a united front, asking the judge to dismiss the case. The judge acquiesced, but not before looking at Weir and saying, "Nice hairdo." You wouldn't find that on Judge Judy.
Could it be that a certain virginal young man was anything but prior to his highly publicized wedding? So say two people who swear they can prove it. Turns out he enjoyed being chased far more than being chaste just months before being catapulted into our collective consciousness. When these former paramours came to light, they threatened to topple what was a tenuous grasp on fame to begin with. Far more damaging than his dalliances is the fact that one of these whistle-blowers is another guy!
When fame is fleeting in more ways than one, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And with that, I hope we have heard the last of the Oscars—at least until next year. Of course, you won't have to wait another year for more gossip. You can get the latest dirt each and every day at www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never stands on ceremony. If you've got a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Weir is accused of domestic scratching! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
