"I married first, won the Oscar before Olivia did and, if I die first, she'll undoubtedly be livid."—The late Joan Fontaine tells a reporter about her lifelong competitive relationship with sister Olivia De Havilland.
You wouldn't normally expect to get into the holiday season in Hollywood, but think again, people. This year, Billy Masters did more in LA than just his usual ho-ho-whoring. My brief visit to the Left Coast was chock full of festive fabulousness. Most of them revolved around the theater. With Parfumerie in Beverly Hills, Aladdin and his Winter Wish in Pasadena, and Leslie Jordan in Hollywood, it was oodles of fun from beginning to end. You can read detailed reviews of all of these shows on BillyMasters.com .
In what I think is an inspired idea, Fran Drescher will soon be making her Broadway debut. Starting Feb. 4, the flashy girl from Flushing will join the cast of Cinderella, playing the Wicked Stepmother for a two-month run. I can't wait—and so close to my birthday!!
These days, even celebrity spawn show up in musicals. Madonna's lookalike daughter Lourdes just played Rizzo in Grease at the LaGuardia High School of the Performing Arts in NYC. And there was Madonna on opening night, with Lourdes' siblings Rocco, David and Mercy, and dad Carlos. The NY Daily News theater critic called Lourdes "terrific.' Who knew they review high school shows? Since we've gotten ahold of her singing "There Are Worse Things I Could Do," you can judge for yourself at BillyMasters.com .
I must make a confession—I've enjoyed every short-lived television show Matthew Perry has done since Friends. Alas, the American people don't share my enthusiasm. But as sure as night follows day, I know that a new TV season will bring yet another Matthew Perry project. This time, the material is something familiar. CBS is planning a new version of The Odd Couple for Perry. Now, if Showtime would cancel Episodes, Matt LeBlanc could star alongside his TV roomie. Of course, that would require some fancy footwork, since Matthew Perry has been cast as Oscar Madison. I'm told an extensive search is on for the perfect Felix Unger.
Say what you will about Sean Hayes, but the boy simply won't go down without a fight. Despite the tepid response to his sitcom, Sean Saves the World, the show is not only improving in the ratings but also in the quality of the scripts. Helping to generate buzz for the second half of the season is a flurry of fabulous guest stars. Portia de Rossi will be playing Sean's oft-mentioned ex-wife in three episodes. Will & Grace cohort Megan Mullally has been cast as his sister in an upcoming episode. And the dreamy Guy Pearce will pop in as a potential love interest this spring. If that doesn't help, nothing will. But if they decide to cancel the show, I think Sean could bounce back rather quickly as the perfect Felix Unger on this reboot of The Odd Couple.
Time once again for Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. We're getting down to the wire, so this is a perfect time to count on Amazon's online fulfillment. ( I don't believe their drones are up and running ... yet. ) For this week's gifts, I'm sticking with two people I mentioned earlier. Since my love for Leslie Jordan is well-documented, why not make your holidays a little brighter buy picking up his book, My Trip Down the Pink Carpet, or the live DVD of the same name? They're both available on Amazon.com, and I can't think of a better gift for the person who has everything—because there's always room for a little levity ( and a little Leslie goes a long way ).
A few years back, the lovely and talented David Hernandez released a wonderful Christmas CD. But I didn't know about it then, so it's new to me—and I bet it'll be new to most of you. Even better is that you can buy This Christmas not only as a regular CD, but you can also get the music immediately by downloading it from iTunes ( or, for those of us not i-oriented, Amazon.com ). You know what would make it even more festive? Logging onto BillyMasters.com for some steamy shots of David. He never disappoints.
Speaking of steamy shots, a trio of beauteous boys warrant special attention this week. First off, Colton Haynes ( formerly a homoerotic model for XY magazine ) took time off from his duties on the TV show Arrow to attend a fundraiser for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Since it was a holiday-themed event, Colton got into the spirit of things by sitting on Santa's lap. Ho-ho-ho, indeed.
The lovely Ryan Carnes is returning to General Hospital, where he'll once again portray the role of Lucas Jones, the son of Julian Jerome. Since I am a CBS soap watcher, I don't know who any of these characters are. But I certainly remember Ryan Carnes—not only from "Desperate Housewives", but also from the first "Eating Out" film, where he showed all....and I do mean all.
Lastly, Nolan Gerard Funk just shot an ad campaign for Versace's Spring 2014 collection. Not surprisingly, the photos are incredibly impressive—and of course I'm talking about the barely-there underwear shots which show off the taut torso of one of WeHo's most popular go-go boys. Donatella even woke up long enough to yell, "Get out!"—presumably she was referring to the closet. Check out every inch of all three guys on BillyMasters.com .
When I'm bringing in the holidays and da Funk ( something I never get tired of saying ), it's definitely time to end yet another column. OK, this is it—the final few days before Christmas. You know what makes the perfect last-minute gift for anyone on your list? A subscription to www.BillyMasters.com—the site that stuffs more than just your stocking. And I even take requests—well, not so much requests as answer questions. So send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Lourdes helms next year's live musical telecast on NBC. ( Grease is under serious consideration. ).Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
