"I probably wouldn't go on The Big Bang because me and Chuck Lorre, we're not friends. He should get over it. He's in AA and when people are in AA, they're not very forgiving. They need to start drinking and loosen up, I think!"—Roseanne Barr tells the audience at Comic-Con why she won't join former Roseanne castmate Johnny Galecki on The Big Bang Theory. Maybe she and Chuck should just sit down and work it out—over shots, of course.
Good news for all of you out there who want to get married to someone but don't necessarily want to live with them. The California Department of Corrections has announced that they will allow inmates to marry same-sex partners. This means that if you go to one of those websites where incarcerated murderers are looking for pen pals, you could start up a little relationship. It's really the best of both worlds. You get married, have conjugal visits, and go home. I should add that the law stipulates that an inmate cannot marry another prisoner. So, while there's no guarantee that you're not being cheated on, at least your spouse won't find another hubby in the big house!
Many straight actors are speaking out about homosexuality. Last week, Gilles Marini told Bethenny Frankel that he thinks it's "uncool" to be in the closet these days. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was interviewed by Out magazine and refused to refute rumors that he's gay, saying, "That would be really tacky." In an interview with The Daily Beast, James Franco admits to liking those rumors: "I don't even care if people think I'm gay. ... I mean, I wish I was. I wish I was gay." And in an upcoming episode of Inside the Actors Studio, Jake Gyllenhaal addressed gay rumors directly: "It's a huge compliment." He then re-affirmed his heterosexuality, and said he loves "tits and ass."
A few months ago, I told you that wedding planner and TV personality David Tutera was going through a messy break-up. At the time, he and his husband Ryan had been married for 10 years. They were expecting their first children through a surrogate when their marriage hit a rough patch. The only things we know about their problems was a statement released by Ryan: "After repeated attempts at marriage counseling and therapy, we have been unable to save our relationship due to his addiction to sex. He has been engaged in a pattern of hiring sex escorts and prostitutes to support his addiction." Needless to say, Tutera called the allegations "baseless and untrue." What's happened since then? First, the surrogate gave birth to fraternal twins. Apparently, one of the eggs was fertilized with David's sperm and the other with Ryan's sperm (and that ends the educational portion of this column). Although the divorce isn't yet final, I'm told the couple is inching closer to a settlement. In the meantime, what happened to the kids? In a nod to Solomonic Law, the court ordered temporary custody of each child to its biological father (David got Cielo, Ryan got Cedric).
In some happier news, one of the Village People just got married. Randy Jones, the original cowboy, got hitched to his partner Will Grega. The ceremony took place in New York City Hall on Randy's 61st birthday, and the subsequent festivities went on for three days—fitting since the couple has been together for three decades!
We also should send out congratulations to Sir Ian McKellen, who just married Patrick Stewart. Well, he didn't actually marry him. He "married" him—meaning he officiated over the wedding of Sir Patrick and Sunny Ozell. This was not Ian's first time at the altar. A few years ago he became ordained (or whatever he did) in order to officiate a civil partnership ceremony for two of his male friends back in the UK. While we're not sure what he wore to Mr. Stewart's nuptials, we do know that when he first performed his duties, he wore a long, flowing white gown. Or, as he described it, "Something I bought in India. It was rather fetching." I'm sure it was.
This nicely leads into our next item. Many people credit Torch Song Trilogy as putting a face on gay couples. Although it was a hit, Harvey Fierstein has been so busy acting and collaborating on musicals that he hasn't written a new play in almost three decades. Well, the wait is over. Casa Valentina will get its world premiere at the Manhattan Theatre Club on April 23, 2014. The play, based on a true story, is about a group of heterosexual men who went to the Catskills every summer in the 1960s to dress and act like women. Fascinating.
Could it be that Sara Gilbert inadvertently answered one of the biggest rumors of her life? Sure seems like it. Last week, the ladies of The Talk"were revealing big emotional secrets. Sara's stemmed from when she was dating her Roseanne co-star, Johnny Galecki. After they'd make out, she'd get depressed. Uh-oh, that's never a good sign.
They discussed it and she revealed she might be gay. "He was super-sweet about it," she says. But then she continued the story: "I started dating a woman who was, like, 18 years older than I was who was also in the public eye and it was something that could have really, like ... people could have found out about." Who was this woman? Faithful readers of this column know the answer. In fact, I believe it's one of the first stories I ever broke. And, Sara's right—the woman is, indeed, 18 years older. Back then, I blabbed all about it. But now, my lips are sealed.
When I'm virtually giving away a blind item, it's time to end yet another column. It suddenly occurs to me that this week I didn't deliver even an inch of skin ... let alone seven or eight. Let me immediately remedy that with the lovely Nolan Gerard Funk—someone I usually bring up when I want to make a joke about bringing in "da Funk." But this time, I'm mentioning the former Glee warbler because he recently did a photo shoot for Flaunt magazine. And he certainly does flaunt it—not that I'm surprised. While he was a struggling young actor, he was a hot stripper in LA-area gay bars, where his large uncut penis was his calling card. Although he's now known for his other talents, he doesn't mind revisiting his past, as you'll see on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never forgets. If you have a question for me, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sir Ian and Patrick are cast in Casa Valentina! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
