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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2018-10-10

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"Please give it up for Garrett Colton."—Mariah Balenciaga introduces Garrett Clayton at Gay Days Anaheim. Oops. Clayton said, "Thanks, Mariah, for getting my last name wrong." I would have added the word "bitch," but y'know, I'm a professional.

With all the news we're being bombarded with day in and day out, it's not surprising that most media outlets didn't cover my being detained by TSA. It all happened after leaving Masters Manor in Boston for Los Angeles. At Boston's Logan Airport, security flagged what was termed as a "suspicious mass" in my luggage. Excuse me—did they inadvertently give my bag a mammogram? Upon further inspection, the officer discovered a large unidentified metallic item. That's when it hit me—Big Mama Masters had sent me off with a baked potato wrapped in aluminum foil. Imagine: I almost missed my flight over a suspicious potato. Thank God it wasn't loaded!

Moments after I landed at LAX, the police raided Cher's Malibu estate! Although the Dancing Queen was not in residence, the fuzz weren't looking for her—they wanted her assistant's nephew. Allegedly, said 23-year-old lad is accused of supplying narcotics to someone who had a drug overdose. My God—hasn't Cher suffered enough?

In addition to many fabulous things I have on my upcoming agenda ( including my virgin excursion to New Orleans—and for Halloween, no less ), I am thrilled to be attending the Point Foundation's Gala on Oct. 13. As I've told you many times in the past, this is one of my favorite non-profits. Point supplies scholarships to LGBTQ ( and probably other letters of the alphabet ) kids to attend college—and most of these kids have been thrown out by their families because they're gay! At the upcoming gala, Eric McCormack is being honored with the Impact Reward, and there will be a performance by Leona Lewis. Check them out at PointFoundation.org .

Britain's Royal Family is always good for some scandal. This week, we hear one of Queen Elizabeth's gay footmen has quit. First, I have no idea how many footmen QEII has—I mean, she's only got two feet! Be that as it may, the gay footman ( as if there's only one gay footman ) quit because he was told by the royal household management that he needed to "tone down the gayness!" Girl, he's the queen's footman—it doesn't get gayer than that! As it happens, Ollie Roberts is not only the queen's first openly gay footman; he was her personal footman. Apparently, the 21-year-old Ollie is quite active on social media and has given interviews to lots of gay press. He was accused of "courting publicity" and demoted to just being a regular footman—which is ultimately why he quit. Unless he was taking selfies with Lizzie's feet or wearing open-toed shoes, I say leave him be.

I don't watch any of those Real Housewife shows ( except for the one where I confronted Kim Zolciak—P.S. Where are my residual checks??? ). But last week, Michael Darby, who is the husband of one of the Real Housewives of Potomac, was accused of getting "handsy" with another man on the set! According to the report, 59-year-old Darby has been charged with criminal sexual assault and improper sexual contact for allegedly groping a male cameraman.

That's the legalese, but lemme break it down for you: Cameraman Orville Palmer claims Darby grabbed his butt and gave it a firm squeeze. When Palmer said, "What the fuck?" ( an appropriate response from a union cameraman ), Mikey allegedly gave him a "flirtatious look." That's one way of looking at it. But I have found that the "flirtatious," "nauseous" and "Do you smell that?" looks are all pretty similar. I'm gonna need more than that. I didn't have to look far: It turns out this is not the first time Darby has been accused of groping another man. During the first season of the show, he was seen grabbing a guy's butt on the dance floor. His wife said, "It's a joke. My man has sex with me, he loves me and he gives it to me good. Whatever he does in joking manners is not a reflection of my man's sexuality." Or is it? As it turns out, the Montgomery County state's attorney's office has dropped charges due to "insufficient evidence."

Have you heard about this ill-conceived remake of West Side Story that Steven Spielberg is making? After all the hullabaloo about finding unknowns through an open casting, Spielberg ended up casting Ansel Elgort as Tony. Here's a little footnote to the story—your beloved Billy was actually privy to a conversation between composer Leonard Bernstein and Michael Eisner when he was heading Disney. Eisner wanted to remake "WSS" as an animated feature with cats playing all the roles. Needless to say, it never happened—but he bought us all lunch.

I've already mentioned that I'll be cavorting in New Orleans over Halloween. But people everywhere can celebrate Oct. 28 when NBC airs A Very Wicked Halloween. This special, subtitled "Celebrating 15 Years on Broadway," centers on Wicked, and brings together the musical's original stars Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth to host and perform. Must see, indeed.

The cast of the Broadway hit Head Over Heels just recorded its original cast album—with a bonus track. The performers assembled the classic Go-Go's lineup to re-record "This Town," which will be the first new studio recording from The Go-Go's in over 15 years. It drops digitally Oct. 12 and physically Nov. 9.

When I'm head over heels about a new release from The Go-Go's, it's definitely time to end yet another column. You don't need a Presidential alert to remind you to check out BillyMasters.com—the site that features lots of guys with their heels over head. If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before that gay footman gets a job giving pedicures! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


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