"We think about gender all day and every day, though we might not be aware of it," said Lisa Kenney, co-author of The Transgender Teen, to Windy City Times when discussing the new book and the emerging national discussion on gender.
According to her book, gender is an exceptionally broad classification. It encompasses desires; preferences in clothing, music and art; hobbies; genes; and our mind. "Gender is much more interesting and complex than we have ever thought before," added Kenney.
One point of clarification that Kenney and co-author Stephanie Brill brought up was how gender, rather than sexuality, is a primary cause for concern. They write, "Although bullying of children and teens often takes the form of homophobia ( with such slurs as 'fag' and 'dyke' ), in reality, these kids are frequently being bullied and teased for not fitting into typical gender norms, rather than for their sexual orientation."
Kenney said to WCT, "We gender everything: colors, toys, hobbies, cars—everything." She added that young children who begin bullying others with what appear to be sexualized language is in fact rooted in sexism and misogyny: "Children and even many adults still feel that if a 'boy' exhibits what other might call stereotypically 'girl' behavior, then he must be gay. The same goes for 'girls' who exhibit stereotypically 'boy' traits. This is not always the case."
Kenney also said, "As a society, we have conflated sexuality with gender, and that is absolutely improper and incorrect. What is really being revealed with this kind of bullying of our young and, to a certain extent, adults is how far off you fall from the societal norms of expected gender expression will determined just how hard and how much you are bullied."
Gender expression, writes Kenney and Brill, is "our public gender." Further, it is "how we present our gender in the world through behavior, hairstyle, voice, mannerisms and other forms of presentation, and how society, culture, community and family perceive, interact with and try to shape our gender."
To put it another way, this is how some people view gender: as society's public gender only. It is the proverbial male predator in a dress and a bad wig lurking in a Target bathroom, just waiting for his next victim. But Kenney indicated that this kind of argument only seeks to "other someone else. This has always been the case. Transgender people have been using the restroom of their choosing for decades but, until now, no one really cared or noticed." She went on to point out that "finding a transgender predator of the sort described by conservatives would be very rare."
"We have been conditioned to think a certain way. But it is up to us to not buy into the preconceived notions of what gender is or is not. There is something within us that tells us who we are and what we like," said Kenney. The complexity of gender is more than being a "girl" or a "boy" but appears far more holistic and encompassing. Gender, according to The Transgender Teen, is precisely who we are and who we think we are and who we want other people to see.
The Transgender Teen is not only a book about gender, it is also how we as adults can be more understanding, more compassionate, more inclusive and less offensive when working with transgender youth. "One reaction many people have when confronted with transgender teens is to make fun of them. We do it sometimes without even noticing we are doing it," says Kenney. She added that, "one way we can proactively combat transphobia is by asking other people exactly which pronouns they prefer. This is not just an acknowledgment of another person's dignity but it is also a signal to others that you are aware that gender is a complex issue and that you are a 'safe' person—a 'haven'."
Kenney noted that transgender youth and the issue of gender identity and expression can make people uncomfortable. "But is your discomfort more important than the safety of a marginalized child or teen? No," said Kenney "Their safety trumps your discomfort. If you're uncomfortable with transgender youth or with gender identity issues, then get comfortable." The onus then is on us to learn about the issues and apply what we learn to our relationships with others.
