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Celebrating 30 Years of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Trans News
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Ask Chat Daddy
by Chat Daddy

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Congratulations to the entire Windy City Media Group Family and especially our beloved publisher, Tracy Baim, for seeing the need and understanding that there are many untold stories that have to be told through your outstanding media resources. I am privileged and honored to be a part of this family.

Happy 20th Anniversary!

Why has such a beautiful name caused so much grief. By now people around the world are familiar with the devastation that Miss Hurricane Katrina has caused. It has saddened me to no end to hear and to witness the destruction of so many people. As a journalist, I want to encourage my readers to do all they can to help those in need. People are in desperate need for items as simple as toothpaste, toilet tissue and personal hygiene products. There are some people who need medication and medical care just to survive day to day.

Somewhere there is someone who needs a kind word, thought or prayer just to survive his or her life changing in a blink of an eye.

Often times we forget how blessed and lucky we really are. Let's take the time to give unselfishly and unconditionally to so many of our people in need. In our own community there are plenty of social service agencies that are willing to help those affected by this major disaster. Even if you can't afford to donate money, you can do something as simple as cleaning out your closet, which will allow someone else to have clothes on their back and shoes on their feet.

Please join me Saturday, Oct. 8, 2005 as I host an evening of 'Helping People of Our Own ... Giving A Helping Hand Mixing and Mingling Party' at Café 917 located at 917 W. 79th St.

Café 917 is owned by one bad sister by the name of Liu Montsho. This sister has created an outstand place for us to come and enjoy ourselves on the South Side of Chicago. Let's hear it for a 'Family'-owned business. Doors open at 8 p.m. and we will party until ... . Food, Live DJ, Speed Dating. Admission is only $10 with your items ( gently used clothing items, can goods, toys, personal hygiene products ) for donation for the Hurricane Katrina victims.

Until next time, keep yourself focused on the most important thing in life ... Self!

Now on to the mailbag ...

Dear Chat Daddy,

I'm a 50-year-old male in great shape. I'm in search of ways to keep my penis working longer and stronger without using drugs and other numbing agents or devices. I don't have any problems getting an erection, but I'd like to be able to last a little longer.

Dear Standing Ovation,

The key to lasting long is mind over matter. It's not all about the little blue pill that can enhance in your desire to stand up stronger. There are plenty of natural things you can do. Try cardiovascular exercise, yoga, T'Chi or other distressing exercise. Exercise can contribute to better performance because it helps with releasing good mental alertness, helps you to achieve better balance and harmonizing physical energies and it will help burn off toxins in your body. Think of it as the little train that could ... keep saying to your self ... I know I can, I know I can! Whatever you do, please see your doctor. Make sure you get a checkup at least once a year. I wish you many more standing ovations. If all else fails, meet some hot young thang who will get your blood moving.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy,

I'm a 40-year-old African-American male, married, three wonderful children, well traveled, great job and living on the 'down low'. Yes, Chat Daddy, I have been living a double life for the past 10 years. I'm worried that my cover will be blown. I love my wife and family dearly but my male lover is my true stress reliever and he understands me for me. Many times I've thought about coming out, but you know how our people ( the Black community ) can be to gay men. I don't want to hurt my family, but it's time for me to come clean.

— Between a rock and a hard place

Dear, Rock and a hard place,

My first response to you is to pray ... you really need to prepare your heart, mind and soul for the decisions you truly need to make. Either you are 'in or out' of the closet, that is the bottom line in both relationships. You have a wife and children on one hand and a male lover on the other. This whole 'Down low' thing is driving me crazy. People have had same-sex urges as far back as the roman times, and throughout the ages of human existent. I guess it's trendy to have some type of 'lover' on the side. Well, brother I'm here to tell you that AIDS is on the rampage and it's taking victims in great numbers.

Have you been tested? This is most important. I'd like to convince you to seek counseling to come clean with your wife. Look at all you've invested into your relationship and family, let her make a sound choice in whether or not she wants to stay. Living in constant lying, hiding and secrets does nothing for one's moral character, and it doesn't help your loved ones either. Always remember that time will heal all wounds and hurt hearts, so get to work my brother.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy,

I'm a 36-year-old attorney from the Lincoln Park area of the city. A few months ago, I met a really cool guy out at Pride weekend. We have had what I consider a very open and honest relationship. He has taught me a few things and vice versa. I am invited to quite a few upscale events that I would very much like him to attend with me. Here's the problem Chat Daddy: My man is a thug. From braided hair to low-hanging jeans, Timberland boots and tons of tattoos. I'm sure you get the picture. He's always clean and neat, but I do need to dress him up a little for these events. How should I do this?

— Dress You Up In My Love

Dear Dress You Up In My Love,

Well, Mr. Hot Shot I got a man ... . Attorney, you'd be very surprised to know that most thugs are remarkably versatile in attire and attitude, when placed in certain social settings. Now, sit down and tell him that the two of you are going to go shopping to pick out a few things for him to wear to these events ( This might cost you a dime or two, but this is your boo! ) All men enjoy looking polished. This look may not be his daily look, but I guarantee you he will enjoy the look for special occasions.

My suggestion is to buy a two or three button black or chocolate brown blazers with a plain dress shirt, a nice pair of jeans ( fitted ) and some polished shoes. Voila, your new man!! Or, try a pair of flat-front dress slacks and turtleneck, a nice belt and some dress shoes, and there you have another look. Toss in a nice watch, some smell good and there you have a totally prepared man.

Because we all know that every thug needs a good man and every man wants a thug—watch your man at these parties.

— Chat Daddy

Please feel free to visit my website @

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