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A Butch Interpretation on Femme Perspectives
by Vicky Nabors
2004-06-01

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Happy Pride to all of you, and Happy Birthday to 'me' and my fellow Geminis; now pull out your rainbow colors and get ready to party the month away.

Ever since I began writing issues related to butch/stud perspectives and our lifestyle, non-butch readers have suggested, non-stop might I add, that I present the femme side. Now, I don't have a problem doing that, but there's one tiny problem—'I ain't a femme, therefore, I can't think from a femme perspective!' So, I was pleased when CC Carter wrote, 'Femmes Stand Up and Be Counted,' in the April Identity. She addressed issues from her femme perspective and I figured that that was the end of it. Apparently not, because I'm still getting e-mail requests to do my thang. So, here's my 'Raymond' version, (from the show, Everybody Loves Raymond) of my butch interpretation on femme perspectives. My companion gave me this name, she says my behavior and thought process often mirrors his; I don't know if that's a compliment or insult. Anyway, here's six facts that I've come to understand from conversations with my bois, observations and conversations with femmes about femme perspectives. Now don't send hate mail ya'll! I got this ... I think.

First, Black femmes seem to outnumber Black butch/studs 5 to 1. Now that's a good thing for studs—bad for femmes. It definitely promotes a higher level of competition for butch/stud attention and companionship, that is, for those who seek a balance of male/female energy. Second, a large majority of femmes in femme/stud relationships initially chose their butch/stud partners because they loved the pampering, not because they were exclusively into butch/studs. Later, the butch mystique probably got under her skin, and she became addicted to her lover's cute butch energy. Not having to fight over the bathroom and mirrors was probably another perk, for her. Third, many femmes, like straight sistahs, seem to enjoy sharing, with each other, intimate details of their sexual encounters during 'gurl-talk.' 'I've often found that behavior strange, I don't quite understand why they'd do that.' Butch/studs don't participate in in-depth sharing—only topical information is shared, if anything. We don't want to encourage our bois to crave the feel-good of the wimyn we luv. Fourth, femmes fear rejection as much as butch/studs do, which means they'll often miss key opportunities to meet interesting butch/studs. Fifth, femmes don't like to share the attentions of a butch/stud with other femmes when socializing. Apparently, it's a form of competition they prefer to avoid. Lastly, not all femmes are interested in being nurturers, i.e., cooking, cleaning, taking care of their butch/stud lover etc. like in the good old days. Some New Age femmes are actually looking to be nurtured, in all ways, by her butch/stud; cause she can't cook!

I've done my best to interpret general Black femme perspectives from my butch view. Hopefully, I've hit on some truths, and possibly missed a few important points, but I'm sure you'll straighten me out. It's Pride ya'll ... Holla!

Vickyism@aol.com


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