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Vicky Nabors GURRRLology: Butch/Stud Lovers?
by Vicky Nabors
2004-02-01

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In a recent conversation, a femme wanted to know why two studs couldn't engage in an intimate relationship: Well, they can. However, with few exceptions, butch/stud-only relationships are non-existent in our community. But, out-dated taboos that forbid butch/stud dating can no longer be held responsible for how butch/studs really choose their lovers today (Black sistahs are strong willed and make their own choices). It's more a matter of balance based on male-influenced standards and attractions.

Balance is important in partnerships and can be better understood though the Chinese philosophy of Yin Yang. Here we look at opposing energies, which create balance. The Yin represents indirect energy and the Yang represents direct energy. Since we've always heard that opposites attract, this philosophy must hold some merit, especially since we can easily see this balance in butch/stud and femme relationships; two opposing forces, one male oriented and one female oriented that create a unified whole. Lesbians who tend to play close to the middle: undefined sistahs and sistahs who flip-flop between femme and soft butch are not included in this analysis, that's another article.

In definition, there are several types of Black femme behaviors: ultra to aggressive, while the masculine side of Black lesbian culture only has two general behaviors: Traditional hard butch/stud and New Age butch/stud, it's defined by the depth of her thought process. Traditional hard butch/studs think and live from male perspectives almost 99% of the time (including sexist and chauvinistic attitudes), while New Age butch/studs work to blend their masculine and feminine thoughts creating unique personalities and ways of living (less sexism but still chauvinistic). All true butch/studs (born that way) are naturally chauvinistic because they're influenced, from birth, by social standards of masculine behaviors. This is the foundation by which butch/studs grow to understand themselves and the world surrounding them. Her chauvinistic or male-centered attitudes also influence how she chooses a partner, femme over butch/stud. Of course any female's shapely naked body will get her attention, even if it's another stud, but that's not enough to attract her, it's not just about sex. Butch/studs mirror heterosexual male behaviors in what truly attracts them to wimyn for sex or relationships: soft demeanor, delicate mannerisms, nurturing, sweet smells, soft skin, sexy, sassy tongue, etc.

Most, butch/stud lesbians make partnership choices out of preference and not fear of breaking some outdated code of conduct. The taboo is a historical code of conduct that was useful during a difficult era. Today, however, the taboo is reduced to an urban legend.

'After I hung pictures in her new apartment and winterized her windows, she (a femme) thanked me with a sandwich and beer. 'Now that's peace,' I thought, while watching her smiling face thoroughly inspect my work, and I (a stud) equally gleamed while enjoying the thank-you prepared by her delicate hands.' The balance between butch/studs and femmes has a rich history in Black lesbian culture, sensuous opposing energies—Yin and Yang.

vickynabors@aol.com .


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