Jessica Alba and Chris Evans in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Photo by Diyah Pera_________
Summer came early this year. Not unlike retailers looking to cash in on the year-end shopping bonanza, Hollywood studios released their first blockbuster almost the second April showers disappeared. Considering this is a summer chock full of second sequels, one can hardly blame filmmakers for chomping at the bit, and the annual horse race for box-office glory is off to a fine start. Even though Memorial Day has just passed us, we already have a trio of winner: Spiderman 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.
But Hollywood's just getting started, and there's a lot of potential box-office glory ahead ( bad reviews and word of mouth, notwithstanding ) . And for the blockbuster-intolerant, there will be an assortment of indies and largish-budgeted movies. Sifting through everything could take as long as sitting through Spiderman 3 again, so we've created a LGBT Alert level chart ( guess what inspired that ) to help in the decision making process.
LGBT Content Movie Alert Chart
SEVERE: Mega-gay—Don't think twice; order tickets online and head to the nearest theater
HIGH: Homo Central—LGBT activities and characters prominent or film hotly anticipated by queer audiences
ELEVATED Queer-friendly—LGBT plot points or characters or mucho opportunities to ogle male or female eye candy
GUARDED: Gay lite—Minimal LGBT material or characters though actors or filmmakers are gay or gay-friendly
LOW ( ZZZZZZZZ ) —No apparent LGBT content or characters and no straight performers or situations worth fantasizing about; in other words, no queer content to speak of
With those rating guidelines in mind, here's a week by week list of just some of the tantalizing entrees from this summer's movie offerings.
JUNE
Show Business: The Road to Broadway—Gay pride month kicks off beautifully with this behind the scenes documentary look at Wicked; Avenue Q; Taboo; and Caroline or Change. Queer Alert Level: SEVERE ( June 8 at the Music Box Theatre )
Ocean's Thirteen—The boys are back for round three and by 'boys,' we mean Clooney, Pitt, Damon, Cheadle, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan and, new to the series, Al Pacino. Ellen Barkin ( ?! ) replaces Julia Roberts as the lone female. Queer Alert Level: ELEVATED ( June 8 )
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer—The hit franchise returns, as do the tight outfits and, yes, Chris Evans shirtless. Queer Alert Level: ELEVATED ( June 13 )
La Vie En Rose—A biopic of the 'little sparrow'—singer Edith Piaf, the French Judy Garland who was rumored to have dallied with the ladies here and there. Queer Alert Level: ELEVATED ( June 13 )
Nancy Drew—The teenage detective returns to the screen 60 years after her last foray but Nancy's best girlfriend, the 'mannish' George, appears to have been feminized. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 13 )
Evan Almighty—Steve Carell, who played gay in Little Miss Sunshine, now becomes a modern-day Noah when commanded to build an ark by God ( Morgan Freeman ) . Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 20 )
A Mighty Heart—Queer-friendly actors Angelina Jolie and Dan Futterman ( boyfriend of TV's Will and the screenwriter of Capote ) star in Marianne Pearl's true account of the kidnapping and murder of her husband, Wall Street journalist Daniel Pearl, in the Middle East. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( June 20 )
1408—John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson aer in a film based on a Stephen King creeper. The number refers to a hotel room where a lot of really bad stuff has happened. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 20 )
Klimt—The biography of the avant-garde painter, starring John Malkovich, gets its first Chicago run at the Gene Siskel Film Center. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 20 )
Live Free Or Die Hard—Yipee kay yay motherf****rs! John McClane/Bruce Willis is back for a fourth go-round. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 20 )
Evening—Meryl Streep, Vanessa Redgrave, Toni Collette, Natasha Richardson, Claire Danes, eye candy Patrick Wilson, rumored bisexual Hugh Dancy and Streep's daughter, Mamie Gummer, all are part a romantic 1950s drama adapted for the screen by queer novelist Michael 'The Hours' Cunningham and Susan Minot from her novel. Literary queens get ready—this is your movie. Queer Alert Level: HIGH ( June 29 )
Sicko—Michael Moore returns with an already-controversial documentary on the health care industry that is a must-see for the serious-minded. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( June 29 )
JULY
Transformers—Cutie pie Shia LaBeouf is the de facto star, but it's really the warring alien robots and special effects that will carry the day here. It's Independence Day x12—a Michael Bay picture, naturally. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( July 4 )
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix—Now that we know what's under Daniel Radcliffe's Hogwarts uniform, thanks to those nudie 'Equus' photos on the Web, the desire to return for round four of the continued adventures of Mr. Potter and his pals is ever more urgent. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( July 13 )
Hairspray—The musical movie version of the original John Waters comedy arrives with John Travolta ( in drag in the Bruce Vilanch/Divine part ) , Michelle Pfeiffer and Queen Latifah heading what looks to be a triumph or camp fodder for years to come. Queer Alert Level: HIGH ( July 20 )
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry—Brooklyn firefighters Adam Sandler and Kevin James pretend to be a gay couple in order to qualify for domestic-partnership benefits. The premise elicits a lot of opportunities for 'don't touch me, fag' jokes but our 'politically correct' environment, the trailer ( and early buzz ) seem to promise sensitive handling—and a lot of laughs. Queer Alert Level: HIGH ( July 20 )
Chicago Outdoor Film Festival—The line-up for this year's Grant Park movie fest seems to have been programmed by and for gay audiences. Madeline Kahn! Barbara Stanwyck! Rock Hudson! Cary Grant! Paul Newman! Robert Redford! Tony Curtis! Burt Lancaster! Julie Andrews! Queer Alert Level: HIGH
The Simpsons Movie—Homer, Marge, Lisa and Maggie finally arrive on the big screen and the homo-friendly series looks to be another winner. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( July 27 )
Smiley Face—Queer filmmaker Greg Araki returns with an offbeat sunny comedy about … pot brownies that stars Scary Movie's Anna Faris and out lesbian Jane Lynch. Queer Alert Level: ELEVATED ( July 27 )
AUGUST
The Bourne Ultimatum—Yet another threepeat sequel, but it's the most promising of the summer, this being the Matt Damon franchise and all. Queer Alert Level: ELEVATED ( Aug. 3 )
Becoming Jane—Gay-friendly actress Anne Hathaway ( Brokeback Mountain, The Devil Wears Prada ) stars as a young Jane Austin in a period romance. Should satisfy the Merchant-Ivory crowd. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( Aug. 3 )
The Invasion—Here's another sci-fi alien picture, but this one has the advantage of two gay-friendly leads: Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( Aug. 17 )
Cut Sleeve Boys—Billed as the first 'gay British-Chinese movie' this film, written and directed by Ray Yeung, chairman of Hong Kong's gay and lesbian film festival, looks to be this summer's Eating Out 2 or Another Gay Movie. Queer Alert Level: SEVERE ( August 17 and Landmark Century )
Penelope—Christina Ricci, James McAvoy and Catharine O'Hara are in a fantasy comedy about a girl cursed with a pig's snout for a nose. Queer Alert Level: GUARDED ( Aug. 17 )
Halloween—Summer abruptly ends as Hollywood tries to move up the fall season with this Rob Zombie-written and -directed remake of the 1978 classic. Queer Alert Level: LOW ( Aug. 31 )
